I’m starting to feel that burden of being all alone.
I don’t even know where to begin anymore..
Without that other person, it’s hard to understand where exactly I’ve been all these years..who have I been?
Will I ever really be whole again?
Tag:
feel
My life is a thrill ride, I swear. Three weeks ago, I had friends checking in on me to see if I had killed myself, yet…A week ago, I was on top of the world. I was feeling great. I had no worries and didn’t even feel the back twinge of depression. Now, I’m back down. This time, I feel like I was tossed off a skyscraper and the impact is forever engraved into my bones. I am back to not feeling any type of emotion except apathy and sadness. I am at a loss and I don’t know if I can crawl out of […]
I was doin good for a little while or … Well it seemed so… I dont think I’ve ever been “doing good” i dont know. Does anyone ever just feel like they are living some kind of joke. Some kind of fake thing. Life to me is kinda wierd. I’m not in control of my own mind/habits/thoughts and that in itself scares the shit out of me. My parents really have gone the extra mile for me. They provide me. Safe haven while i try to regroup myself and im 28 so its embarressing as hell. They try their best to encourage me. Im a […]
When I was little I had 2 sisters, and one mom. The hardest thing about all of these things are that I could of helped them by maybe not even being born. It’s so hard to look at other kids, teenagers or something. I have a bad life because of all of the things that were exposed at the time. I blame my self that she went down because of me. We had literally nothing to do but lay down somewhere and keep warm or even cold. I want to see her so bad, It hurts a lot, I’m lost and confused. All I ask […]
I don’t feel sorry for myself. I am living life as I think I’m suppose to. I do feel hopeless, but it’s in a new kind of way. I don’t dwell on it like I once did. I really feel “ok”. I’ve accepted it.
I still have small feel goods, but they go as quickly as they come. I feel annoyed and agitated quite often, but usually with one person in particular. I am anxious more than anything… I can’t seem to shake it. It is destroying my life… ME. I tried so hard to fit in, do my best, be a good mom, friend, person, […]
Do you ever wonder how insignificant you really are? I’m sitting out here looking at this beautiful sky but I can’t help but feel entirely small. Life has become so hard for me to grasp and understand, and it leaves me completely confused. Day to day I fumble through the same routine: fight myself to get up, go to work, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. The only good part about my day is being with my family at my new home but I don’t know how long anyone will ever love me. Love always goes away. Orat least that is how things have been thus far.
I want […]
I’ve told this story before but rather than have it disappear into obscurity I’d like it to be a lesson for all new comers, if it can help you understand your life a little better.
I tried to kill myself when I was in my early twenties. It’s been roughly 10 years since that night, and I won’t ever be able to shake it..that I know!
I was getting wrapped up into drugs and suffering from depression, and needless to say I wanted to die and had every intention in doing so. There wasn’t all this easy access to the Internet so methods were […]
Does anyone else agree that when someone says suicide is a cowardly thing? I feel that if your in the position your in and few the way you feel, you way the facts and think about everything. I feel it’s actually a very hard thing to do. And another thing is. How do you feel when you final have the power to talk to someone close to you and ask for help, but all they say is I can’t talk to you anymore if your going to do that cuz I don’t want to be apart of it. I feel that is that person truly […]
So let me just start by saying, I hate myself. I have for a long time (almost 7 years). I’m 16 (almost 17) and male.
Just about everyday i’m told about how i need to get a job and get a liscence and get a car. I spend all my time in my room, on the internet because there i can do what i want without getting picked on. My whole school life people have made fun of me. In primary school i didnt give a shit. But in highschool, with 4 times the people (and people from other grades) picking on me and making […]
Today my cousin and I were on the swings at an old elementary school. I was listening to music when we closed our eyes to swing back and forth. My cousin later asked me what depression felt like and I told him if he remembered what it was like to close his eyes on the swing. How you never knew how high you were, and it didn’t matter because you always felt the same. That’s what depression is like. No matter how high you are you’ll always feel close to the ground. Falling backwards.
Im afraid to die but im also afrad to live… Ive attempted Suicide 3 times, but they all resulted the same… My mom never knew….I cant talk to her, she thinks im all better but the truth is im not I feel more dead inside. I always try to make my friends feel better and talk them out of suicide or self harm but im to afraid to ask for help myself.
I take pills in order to calm down. Try change that.
I take another type of pill so i do not commit suicide. Try change that.
I cut to make myself feel better. Try change that.
I write down how i am gonna die everyday. Try change that.
The thing is you can’t, and i don’t think you ever will. That is what scares me the most.
So I was at the bar, and long story short, I got some good advice so I figured.. What the heck!! Here’s what I learned..
I met a man who told me about his situation with his ex lady and his son. This guy was around my age, and what he told me really resonated with me.
He told me..
“Man, you are lucky you didn’t have kids with that girl, cuz now you can go do anything! There is nothing holding you down so you are free to make your own decisions and go where ever you want. If you had kids you […]
In fourth grade I moved to a new school..I was heavier than most of the students there and they made sure I knew. They constantly bullied me n called me fat and said worst thing about me. My teacher even pulled me by my hair and threw me into the principles office. I always went home crying. After that year I moved schools. I made sure I worked out so I wasn’t as fat by the time 5th grade came, I entered that school (I left my grammas house n moved in with my mom) I made some friends but I still heard the words […]
It always seems like the people who truly DO have something to feel bad about, don’t. Then I feel bad for feeling bad and ask myself, “Am I really sick? Or am I just pathetic?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKTg_INHgpc
Everything disgusts me. I try to be like everybody else but I’m not. I constantly feel disconnected and lonely and sad, if I hear about abuse in third OR first world countries I feel sick inside out. Racism, Homophobia, inequality of wealth, torture, rape, misogyny, death, illness, makes me shudder inside out. The fact we are brought into a boring world where nothing is fun and we get old and deteriorate, and bullied for always being ugly and never good enough DESTROYS me.
I never got over that I was raped and sexually assaulted more than once by different people, or this abortion I had where […]
I can be happy, I can be content – but behind it all is an absence of any belief that anything is of any value, or worth, materially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. All empty.
Then the light fades, that’s enough, time to go.
Then comes anger, a real anger, self directed, and at the rest of humanity. The call to ‘be nice to people’ to make me feel better, to ‘do something’ to make me feel better. Acting on such advice is nothing more than me, me, me – so it’s all just self serving? So its in the self interest of those who preach to say those things? […]
I’d never felt more suicidal than I had felt today. I was so determined to put an end to this life within the next couple of weeks. I thought that since I had stooped so low I might as well try heroin, it’s not like I had any further to fall. So I chased the dragon, not intending to kill myself at that point but just for a release. It didn’t feel orgasmic or incredibly intense at the time, just relaxed like I could nod off at any time. So I thought that was that and I went to bed. All of a sudden I […]
okay so i tried to commit suicide. i was literally doing anything to die i was crying so hard i had no resources or anything so i just took a bottle of ibuprofen and i took 65 of them i went to the mental hospital and stayed there for like two-three days and i was really unhappy because i missed graduation and graduation was really important to me because that school was hell and i would have cried if i went to graduation because i was so happy i was out. but i didnt even get to go. i said everything i had to to […]
The thing that i hate about therapy is that every time you walk in the first thing they ask you is “how do you feel today?” and honestly when my therapist asks me that question i can never find the answer to it. I do not know how i feel, i am left speechless from such a simple question. Every time they tell me there is something wrong with me, i feel like i am an outcast, being left out from many things because of my depression, taking two different kinds of pills just so i can be normal? What is that? Taking pills to […]