…I’m giving up on you.
Tonight feels right. My heart is heavy, but this gun feels so light. Tonight is right.
Goodbye.
Tag:
feels
Taking fate into ones own hands is either within the concepts of courage or fear. I feel courageous at this moment of my life, unafraid of the possible judgement that lay before me. Perhaps it’s because I’m oblivious to the actual torture and loss of mercy awaiting on the other side. I never intended for my life to unravel in the way it has. So much has transpired throughout the course of the years whilst being diagnosed and at a time when I’ve found true happiness, the true symptoms arise. They have all said to be strong and to keep on fighting and although my […]
How am I supposed to live like this? I’m not allowed to mess up,nt allowed to be different. At least that’s how it feels. No one will understand me. No one can ever know about what I do. The kind of things I contemplate. IM IN MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! I’m not supposed to think like this, I’m supposed to walk around and gossip, and talk about boa like the rest of the boys. I’m not supposed to keep a razor hiden in my room, in not supposed to look forward to being alone, I’m nt supposed to go home as fast as I can do I […]
I had too, I needed the pain to get away from me. It was unbearable; work was terrible, my mom yelled at me called me a slut. So I needed to get ride of the pain. So I found my mom scissors and I toke it out on my arms. It stings but I like how it feels. I wish I could fix my life or at least leave it.
Life was always shit. I wish i just got cancer, but of course i have to slowly become a vegetable. How can even shit like neurological ilness exist, i would abort myself on the first day if i knew about it. I’m surrounded by trash that live like they can’t do anything and that’s really annoying. Retards don’t know how it feels to become dead alive. Doctors are funny as well, takes 2 simple tests to confirm the sickness and it takes a year to do anything.
I’m so tired of this bullshit, fuck your school, your work and your pathetic lives. I’m not going […]
Hello there. I’m me. I’m confused and I still don’t like myself.
Am I the only who feels so compelled to run away all the time? I feel like I want to run away from my life. From everything I have. From all of my life. From my experiences. From reality.
I want to run away to restart. You’re right. There are no restarts in life. But. Everything we do in life is based on our definitions, no?
Ah. I’m sorry. One day I will. I might or might not bring you. But this sounds like a pretty good future in my imagination.
Right. Running away. I should run […]
You know that feeling that you get every time you get so scared that your heart feels like it’s going to drop to your stomach? Like there is someone ripping your heart out, artery by artery? That’s the feeling I get every time I lay my eyes on him. He ruined me. He ruined my family. The love, the trust, everything. It all vanished because of that selfish old man. Why me? Why us? What did WE do to deserve to go through these horrible couple of years? We were nothing but kind to him. We helped him in any way possible. He seemed kind to us […]
Oh no. Here it comes. The darkness rolls over me like a summer storm over the meadow. I’m surrounded and I have no where to do. I am paralyzed with no direction. Panic sets in and I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I’m completely hindered. What do I do? The knife. Get the knife.
No! Don’t get the knife. Splitting seams won’t solve anything.
It’ll calm me down! I’ll have something to focus on. The pain is a dull ache that comes in waves like the ocean tide over sand. I’m drowning and I need something stable. Something sane.
Cutting gets you no where but a lot of […]
Out of all the boys in high school I fell deeply for the emotionally unavailable. This person who I would like nothing more than to give all of myself too has never felt love. While guys were in there room every night playing video games he was working or running errands for his mother. Not your average teenager he was a man. As psychotic and bi polar as I can be …as I am I was always my best with him but its hard for me to express my emotions to someone who I knew liked me so much but never said anything. So there […]
I always lose. No matter what the situation I will always lose. I don’t know what winning feels like. It’s destroying me. All my major life stages have been marked by serious catastrophic events. It’s soul destroying. My use by date is coming up.
My life has always been filled with emptiness. I have never had motivation or aspirations. I completely lack in ambition. There is nothing I want to achieve no goals I want to accomplish. I have no hope for the future because I don’t want anything. If there is nothing you want what is there to hope for? I suppose the only thing I want is the desire to want. Life isn’t bad it just seems so empty and pointless and meaningless. I am not really attached to anything or anyone. I avoid people not because I hate people I am not misanthropic I just find […]
I’m new to this site because I’ve not really had reason to seek it out until recently. I’ve lurked quietly and read peoples’ stories because I found a sense of catharsis from witnessing and understanding that I’m not the only person who can feel this low. I think my story won’t be popular or creative and some may even scoff at me and think I’m a spoilt brat, but it’s my story and my life and it feels very real to me.
I’m a 21 year-old male, I grew up in a fairly privileged household where my parents provided materially but were never emotionally there. They’re […]
After much thought and consideration, I have decided to end my life. I may have only been here for 19 years, but that’s 19 years too many. Life has been harsh to me for too long. I have a condition that’ll shorten my life span anyway, so I may as well cut to the chase and get it over with.
I have forgotten what it feels like to be truly happy in life. Sadness and depression have defined me for so long, I don’t know how to feel anything else. There hasn’t been a day in my entire life when I woke up and thought, “I’m […]
Is there really light at the end of the tunnel, or do our eyes just adjust to the darkness?
by Cheshire
written by Cheshire
I’m fairly certain I come from a long line of diagnosed and un-diagnosed mental illness. My maternal great-grandmother committed suicide when my grandmother was eleven. Unfortunately, I never really took the time to ask my grandmother how it effected her as a child and an adult, and now she’s recently passed. I have been diagnosed as bipolar by two psychiatrists, but when I returned to one of those doctors recently after a couple years gap, she seems to be rethinking that diagnosis. I’m not seeing a professional right now because I have a hard time justifying spending $50 to see the therapist every week, plus […]
I don’t know if I’m a lesbian or just confused. I’m in a relationship with a man. We’ve been together for a long time. But lately everything feels fake. I don’t know if I’m attracted to the idea of lesbianism, if I want a clever and easy word to describe myself, or if I’m just tired of all these men chasing after me. Sometimes I think about women when I’m with my boyfriend. I hate that. I wish I could give him what he needs, but I don’t feel adequate. I wish I was better. I wish I was more nice and less selfish. But […]
it seems far away but close by. while my meds are helping me think of it less day by day the universe resists. A friend from college committed suicide last week. It’s taking some time to hit me and i still don’t know if I have it for real. I lit some candles. went to the wake, saw the body. But I still can’t. I can’t describe how i feel or what I’m thinking. I know that before in my head I would laugh when i thought about killing myself. I don’t laugh anymore. It’s not that it feels more real or less real but […]
I know you know that there are no victors in a war, because I know that, and we are us. Let’s raise the white flag together, on 3. Aren’t you tired of fighting? Am I that stubborn? Are we cool?
Many soldiers died on this ground, from both sides. I’m done. There. Helmet’s off. You see my hair. Golden-brown. Ain’t it pretty?
Show me your face. I’ve always wondered how you look like behind that war paint.
Let’s put our guns down.
Let’s hug it out.
I feel you. Do you feel me?
Do you feel the pain? Does it feels familiar?
Does the knife running […]
So recently I met someone. were officially dating and well its nice. He calms me and keeps me grounded, but i still feel like I’m going to drown, part of me feels as if i have to go, as if even if things get better, my mind and soul has chosen, and that my year is almost up. I haven’t shared with him my plans to go, i doubt i ever will. I hate how everyone thinks that he has managed to fix me already, i seriously don’t see how you can fix me. You cant fix monsters.
anyway, here’s a short story since i haven’t […]
a few days ago my dog died and I’m utterly lost without her. She was old when we got her (8 years) and we had her for almost 5 years, in fact the anniversary of her adoption is on the 14th. I miss her so much, it feels as though there is this perpetual emptiness without her, her existence was an integral part of my life and without her I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been feeling myself since she died, I miss her so much. She was my best friend, my sidekick, my homeslice, my nigga. I just can’t believe she’s gone
Figured I’d vent on a perfectly nice Saturday afternoon since it’s not like I’m gonna be doing anything else for the rest of the weekend. To start off, I don’t have any tragic or sad past. I’ve never had a near death (or near life, for that matter) experience, never been molested by a strange uncle in a Garfield mask, never had some heartbreaking-ly awful romantic incident. Just a boring white male who’s lived a trite and meaningless life.
I wouldn’t say I’m depressed in a traditional sense, I don’t spend hours in bed trying to get up or experience general lethargy, but I sincerely want […]