I googled suicide and this website popped up, I was aiming more for methods, but this will do for now. Makes me feel not so alone. Basicly, ive been through hell. My whole life, is just hell. Im tired of fighting. If im going to die one day why cant I just go ahead and get it over with. Its my life. I should get to decide when to end it. Not some drunk driver or abusive boyfriend. Me.
Tag:
fighting
Hey. Here goes.I did not want to talk about this to anyone ,because in my family no one understands ,its just the way they look at me when i try to talk to someone.Its that look ,when u feel,people are listening just because they have to,not because they want to… I was born in a family with rooted alcoholism.My mothers father was a heavyweight drinker and so was my father.So the fights,physical and psychological were on daily bases.I started to develop this person in my own world.i used to lock myself in my room,put my headphones on and got lost in music.I was talented musician.In […]
Certainly not the spiritual kind, just an emotionally and physically abusive, narcissistic and controlling human woman.
It feels like only one of us will make it out of this war alive. On nights like tonight I often think about taking the situation into my own hands and exiting this war on my own terms. I’m tired and I’m dreary.
Then I’m reminded that I fight back harder every single time. Tonight, when physical abuse came at me, I did not allow it. I fought back, I defended myself physically. That was my first time.
There must be something in that, I wouldn’t be fighting so hard if I […]
Suicide.
A word whispered in our home on and off over the past 30 years. I attempted suicide when I was 17 and almost succeeded. I went on to ‘be normal’ with threats of ECT and other drugs. So I tried to act as ‘normal’ as one possibly could with the childhood I had. I watched my mother be beaten to a bloody pulp, moved so many times I lost count, was molested and have never felt like I ‘belonged’. Eventually I started going to church which helped a lot and the panic attacks subsided and I went on to earn a […]
Hey I seriously am having a really really bad couple of days. My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for a little over a year and a half. We have been having problems and some people take my side and some take his, but I’m not really trying to figure any of that out. I am bringing it up only for yall to see where this is all coming from. My boyfriend was treating me like an object and when I would try to go somewhere one night when I was upset then he held me down on the bed and wouldn’t […]
Well, the way I see it, at this point in my life the depression has the biggest chance of winning… But I’ll be damned if I’ll sit by and let it take me down without a fight.
I know my chances of surviving until the next year are very slim. I’ve accepted that. Death does not haunt me, but neither does it call my name as intently as it did several days ago.
After reading over everyone’s encouragement and advice, I’ve made up my mind. I can either succumb to the darkness right now or I can try as hard as I can to escape it. Granted, […]
I have no control of my thoughts.
Why do I feel this way. I know im not crazy.
I feel like I am, But I know im pretty normal because no one else even knows how im feeling right now.
Its like a hidden secret that im not trying to hide
I want help.
I don’t want this. I want to just leave for a while and take care of me. Lock me up if that’s what it takes. I cant do this anymore. I cant fight my own thoughts.
I don’t have the energy or the strength.
Im fighting a losing battle.
I’m the oldest of two girls. My little sister was born a colic baby so she required a lot of attention. The attention didn’t stop even after my sister stopped crying constantly. It still goes on to this day.
I remember absolutely loathing my sister. Not just because she was spoiled, but the fact that she was spoiled rotten. Not to mention she was a kiss ass as well.
Growing up, she would wrap up my toys for birthdays and Christmas and give them to friends and family our ages. My parents thought it was cute that she was being so thoughtful. I didn’t think […]
I’ve been fighting with this stupid depression for over a year. Now that I managed to feel better, with a lot of work and dedication, everybody around me is falling down. I got 3 friends who suddenly want to die. One of them is at the hospital right now, for it. This is weird. I don’t want to lose them. I’m probably the best person to understand them, and help, but I don’t really know how to. I don’t really know exactly what made ME feel better. Just pills, therapy and taking some risks.
This is a mad world. Really. I thought I wasn’t strong enough. […]
I was doin good for a little while or … Well it seemed so… I dont think I’ve ever been “doing good” i dont know. Does anyone ever just feel like they are living some kind of joke. Some kind of fake thing. Life to me is kinda wierd. I’m not in control of my own mind/habits/thoughts and that in itself scares the shit out of me. My parents really have gone the extra mile for me. They provide me. Safe haven while i try to regroup myself and im 28 so its embarressing as hell. They try their best to encourage me. Im a […]
I’m sorry I can’t save you. I’m sorry I’m not smart enough. Not great enough. Not rich enough.
I’m sorry for being stupid enough to keep fighting a dying battle.
But you are my reason, and I’m sorry I keep holding on to that reason. I’m sorry I cannot forget you.
I’m sorry I couldnt save you.
i realize a lot of you on this site are young so my experiences will not compute. but if you are female and live to see your 40s this is what you can look forward to. i have suffered from severe clinical depression most of my life-all of my adult life. so the next kick in the ass i am experiencing is the run up to menopause. which in itself can cause depression. hormones running amok , thyroid problems, weight gain the laughs just keep coming. which is why my thoughts are running to the dark side these days . that little voice that tells […]
Hey I’ve not posted in almost 6 weeks i thought things was getting better but i was joking myself way would they I just cart see things every getting to where its a life worth living and fighting for
Hi, i guess i just need to vent. I am so tired of fightin urges to destroy myself. Will be 4 8soon. Have been fighting this my whole life. I come from a family of major abuse, riddled with mental illnesss – schizophrenia, borderline personality, addiction. I have complex PTSD that never got ack.owledged – I just got meds which didn`t work and ruined my health. Had my brain shocked. I’m disabled now and completely isolated. My friends got tired of me being depressed a.d I got tired of them telling me, “Hang in there, it will get better.
Last week a neighbor left me a […]
I’ve made up my mind I want to die, I don’t see the point my existence anymore. The only thing holding me back is my fear of the pain before I go, I don’t want to die thinking only of the pain I want to go while I’m thinking of my friends and family… Some of you reading this may question “if you have family and friends why do you want to die it’s pointless?” and the sad fact is that I simply give up, I give up fighting all these emotions and I give up to the pain and suffering hard times have given […]
I am looking for a way to commit suicide easily but i didn’t find a way. there is always hard to find a easy way even for dying. Life never give us easy choices, Life is giving me hard choices live with regrets as a looser or die. are these only options or there is another option but i can’t see it because there is so much darkness around me. maybe there is some other way , trying to find new hope trying to push my self for keep fighting not to loose hope. every day i wake up for finding new hope and every […]
Im tired of fighting through each day like everything is alright but really i cant take anything anymore
Why do those who live in the war of staying strong continue to fight if the battle is never ending? Why must you go through so much pain in order to deserve a shred of happiness? Does it end? Is what they say true, that after so long, the striking pain eases? And why do I and so many others, use physical pain to fight off the mental pain? It only helps temporarily, but still, any help is worth my time. Can we just stop all the sadness and live a life of bliss and peace? Or is that too selfish to ask? Why do […]
I tried to overdose last night…well kinda I tripled the dosage your supposed to take of ibuprofen to see if that would rid the pain i constantly feel…it did though and made me feel good.
I was also called a slut by my best friend and L got pissed at me for taking so much ibuprofen he kept telling me i would die if i took that much and i told him i didn’t care he told me i needed help and threatened to tell my mom. He never did though which is good…i don’t enjoy my mom knowing the pain I’m going through. Also my […]
Irony is follower/avg humans don’t know that they are wasting a yet another human life
by addicted
written by addicted
initial days: people used to build pyramids & architectures. lots of human lives is invested on it and currently no one give a shit about their efforts.
beneficiary: kings and leaders ( less than 10% of ppl)
losers: avg humans who follow others ( >90%)
in 18th century lots of human lives are sacrificed in wars
beneficiary: leaders and aristocrat(10%)
loosers: people who follow (90%)
Now lot of human lives are investing on building organizations and technical products
beneficiery: owners and rich(20%)
loosers: who follow others (80%)
Irony is follower/avg humans don’t know that they are wasting a yet another human life. they are bussy building others organization same ways acestors-they are busy in […]