Once upon a memory, a nightmare, yet a memory that still haunts me, I traced a horizontal line across my wrist. One, two, three, four times with a sharp object, breaking skin, stinging, causing a mild bleed. Fifth time, force applied, the sharp object went to and through my wrist and out the other side. I screeched in pain, I bit my lip, I sunk my teeth in, my eyes watered. I sat and stared at the damage I had done. That was the first time, more attempts followed…Still I endure…
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first time
hey guys so this is the first time ive been on a website when ive been suicidal….
im just not sure if i should be alive… i feel like  there are some people that are just meant to die early and I am one of them…i have been thinking of this for a while now… really dont want to live anymore its just too hard… if anyone wants to talk i would love to
dont wanna put this shit on anyone i know but feeling really down
It’s not the first time
My family has caused these thoughts
The thoughts of jumping
They wouldn’t care
They don’t care
They never did
They never will
They’ll never love
They’ll never care
Regardless of what people say
My family doesn’t love me
They glare at me
Wish I was better
I’m not good enough for them
I have the wrong taste in music
Disgusting fashion style
The way I think is awful
All they ever wanted was a perfect daughter
They got my sister
But then the mistake came
Me
And now they can’t live with me
So they hurt me
Glare at me
You know the feeling when you get dumped for the first time. That feeling you get where your heart and your head are in a vice and your on the edge all the time between crying. That’s how I feel all the time.
I’m years old 27, and I don’t have any clear path yet in mind. I have a job where I can work and maintain an apartment but besides that my life is empty, I wouldn’t say empty so much as void. I think of fight club a lot the part where he says everything is just a copy of a copy of a […]
OK so I was just and average 12 year old until I entered sixth grade and I had a crush on this boy Jonathon*. He knew I liked him so he started calling me ugly, fat,ect.  He also told me to go cut myself and die, so I did what he wanted I watched the blood go down my arm as I got weaker and weaker I stopped for my mom cause she threatened to put me in a mental  hospital,  so I stated to cut in nonnoticable places like legs ankles thighs.  So moving on to the beginning of this year.  I’m still twelve. […]
Tonight, I was truly, for the first time in a very, very, long period, free.
Other than the pills working and pumping happy juice into my brain, I had a tremendous emotional catharsis.
I was finally able to move on from old expectations and loves ones.
It doesn’t feel anything special like I was extremely happy or anything, but I felt free.
For the first time since forever, I wasn’t tired, and found my energy slowly coming back.
This is great news for a depressed person like me.
I’ve found that I’ve been getting hurt all the time by my own expectations.
My expectations of myself, expectations […]
Today I almost broke up with my boyfriend because I feel that every time he sees me crying for no reason, every day I can’t go to school because I can’t get out of bed, every time he sees a new scar on my wrist, it hurts him. I can see the tears he holds back or the pain in his eyes every time he looks at me. Sometimes he holds me very close to him because he fears that I’m suddenly going to disappear into thin air. He’s the first person I decided to trust with the secrets I had never told anyone else, […]
Well today was a terrible day. Started off good enough, I felt real for the first time in a while although I’m still hearing what people say repeating in my head, idk what that is, but anyway, I told a joke in school, a joke I won’t talk about but I’ll just say it got taken out of context, and of course the dean of students or whatever the hell you call him and now I’m going to have to deal with this shit. Of course it’s on the fist day I feel real and am starting to wish to continue on this happens. Fuck […]
I cut while taking a bath tonight for the first time. For some reason it was so much better than cutting dry. The blood swirled around in the water, seeping from my skin. It was beautiful. I was almost hypnotized by it.
Also, nothing is better than going to bed with fresh cuts I’ve decided.
When I was young I prayed to god to ‘look after my family, send angels to protect them and if he had to, take my life instead of theirs so I wouldn’t endure the pain of their loss’ I prayed the same prayer for almost ten years, for a child with no life experience I couldn’t help but obsess over this worst pain scenario?
Last night I screamed. For the first time in a long time I tried to scream out all my pain, no noise came out though. The sense of reality forced a shit load of tears instead. My swollen eyes made it hard […]
Get it? Like carpe diem? Probably spelled wrong…who cares. Guess who is getting drunk for the first time, because why the hell not? Gonna die anyway, might as well have fun
I cannot fathom the thought of love.
There was a moment 2 years ago where I experienced intimate love for the very first time. At that point in time, I felt like I was on top of the world – but, when after almost 7 years, you’re world decides it wants to move on, you are left broken and cold – it all changed.
Although my love towards this individual has only changed from intimate to platonic, it becomes a ride of anxiety-fear-hope-annoyance, because it has been 2 years since we’ve seen each other; 6 months since we’ve emailed each other; I am waiting to hear from […]
It was my first time. With the blood the tears began to roll again. Is this your effects of cutting – releasing emotional pain?
The hardest thing is being so tired all the time. They all say to get outside, that experiences are the rungs with which to climb out of these dark times. My armor is too heavy to lift, the joints too rusted to bend, it splinters off, catching under the fingernails of the people around me- invisible and uncomfortable. When I was 9 my father died. When I was 11 my mother’s boyfriend was verbally and physically abusive. When I was 17, the “good man” my mother left the abusive one for cheated and divorced her. By 20 I was the subject of abuse in the […]
Well, I’ve got the MRI to check out my knee on Thursday. Either they’ll find something they can fix and I’ll have surgery so I can walk for the first time since January, or they won’t find anything and it turns out that I just have severe nerve damage without anything they can fix and I won’t be able to walk using my own strength ever again. Â At least this doc was honest with me.
Picked up my uke and played it just now for the first time in a very, very long time (probably because I want to smash it to pieces when I see it because it is a painful reminder to me) Anyway, it was horribly out of tune. I tuned it as best as I could (too impatient to put more effort into tuning).
Here’s me – playing and singing awfully out of tune w an out of tune uke. Â I don’t care much these days.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/New-Recording-11-2.m4a
I know we’ve all had some pretty crappy ones… But what’s the happiest memory that you have?
For me, it was when I told Zoe that I loved her for the first time and she said it back.
It was exhilarating. It hurt alot, but it also somehow felt really good. My heart started racing, my anxiety suddenly kicked in, what a strange yet incredible feeling! How was I so blind? I always thought people who cut themselves were insane, but this is awesome! I can’t stop now! G’day to you, my friends. Imma keep at it! So wish me luck!
I remember the first day of school.
I remember I was wearing a yellow silky skirt.
I remember I was wearing a white shirt.
I remember not wanting to let go of my mom.
I remember crying, sobbing, grasping.
I remember the first day of school.
I remember the first day of middle school.
I remember I felt scared.
I remember I felt lost.
I remember I wasn’t happy.
I remember gripping onto my books tightly.
I remember I was lonely.
I remember the first day of middle school.
I remember talking to you for the first time.
I remember the nights after.
I remember-
I know what
so im wearing all the clothes for the first time since the crazy episode five years ago you people don’t understand