Lately I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night. i keep seeing my dads dead body when I close my eyes at night or I dream that he is still alive. It’s twisted because when I was still in the womb he attempted to stab me. I hated hearing that as I grew up. He was a drug addict, and had about 6 fatal infections leading up to his death. The flesh eating one is what killed him two years ago a week before my 16th birthday. We had a rocky relationship. From the age of 6-12 he abused me. I lived with him […]
Tag:
Fists
Why can’t she see that I’m not alright?
Why can’t she see that I need her?
Why can’t she see that I hate myself?
Why can’t she see how I feel about her?
More importantly, why do I have to feel this way about her?
Why do I have to love her?
Do you know how often I hear people talk bad about gays, lesbian, and bisexuals? I listen to people go on about how it’s “Immoral” or “wrong” and I just have to sit there, clenching my fists, wanting to punch them all in the face. Because if they knew. If they really knew, then I would never be accepted. […]
Something’s there.
Coming so near. Something’s there.
That’s followed me here.
It hurts so bad
When I cut my wrists,
When I clench my fists.
Every time I see You.
Tears come to my eyes.
Every time I see You
Inside I die.
Something’s there,
Coming so near.
Something is there,
It’s so painful to bear.
A doctor, I went to
Asked me questions about You.
Tears ran down my cheeks
I looked at my feet.
Everything about You is what I love.
Every […]
Fighting
In the boxing ring,
Fists held to my face,
Shielding myself from the blows headed my way.
I try and try so hard
Ducking, dodging, skirting away,
From the opponents coming my way.
Jab, hook, and cross
Side kick, front kick,
Knockdown.
On my back, looking up,
Dazed, startled, confused.
Panting, trying to catch my breath,
I wonder if it’s even worth it.
5,4,3,2…
Back on my feet,
Fists held to my face once more.
Kick, kick, kick,
Uppercut, jab, cross
In a blaze of aggression,
The round ends.
Gasping, sweating, blood trickles down my face
I try so hard to win,
But I just can’t fight any more.
My world is sinking in
Ankle-deep
And skin, too thin.
Trapped in solitude,
Surrounded by multitudes,
Misunderstood
Left unprotected,
Left too corrected.
Caught in a dream world,
Not here, not there.
Nowhere.
Bullet in my head,
Swinging from a tree,
Buried six feet under,
Why won’t she die?
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Ripped and broken,
Torn a sunder,
With a heart like hers,
It’s a wonder.
Let her wander,
In the desert,
Through the mud,
There is no water,
Only sun..
Breaking chains,
Breaking free,
Still feel bound,
To every day.
Breaking hearts,
Broken mind,
Breaking promises,
Need to unwind.
Breaking faces with fists of iron,
And suffering the consequences
From whence they burn.
Time to sleep,
Time to die,
It’s better than this,
Unable to cry.
Foundering in my thoughts,
Left to think,
It’s a crime,
To plot to murder yourself
For less than the dime
You found in your wallet,
Hidden in […]
Power is a filthy poison
for which there is no cure
It steals the soul and taints the life
and can make one quite impure.
Power vibrates in the beast
its sanity has gone
now it bleeds and weeps of greed
and thinks there is no wrong.
So take your need and power’s lust
and choose your victims wise
Scream your battle cry aloud
and shape your prey’s demise.
Demean the different, out and in
and make their life a hell
Carve wounds with words into their soul
and in your hate they dwell.
Destroy those who oppose your will
with shouts and strikes and sin
Claim that […]
1:30 A.M.
Ghosts of my dreams of voices hit me randomly. I can’t explain what I hear, but it sounds like a voice, but like a broken record player rapidly replays what it said, anxiety fills me and then the continuous ringing fills my ears again.
I wonder when I’ll dream of it again.Â
7:10A.M.
Dreamt i was part of a program to test things for money. We started out on a metal bed where I laid down and it began descending. Quicker and quicker until I was free failing. While there i was freaking out until i realized it would lead to my death so […]
My mum is cheating on my dad with someone else. And I think I know who that person is. My best friend’s dad. I found out, and I can’t tell anyone. Because if I did, everyone’s world would change. Everyone around me will be affected severely.
I’ve been living this awful secret for almost 8 years. I knew this since I was really young. My mum left her phone at home (which she NEVER lets us use). I was young, and I went through her messages and found things I shouldn’t be finding or knowing. Sappy, disgusting messages. I read each one with tears in my […]
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I fucking live off coffee and cigarettes, to be honest i just don’t give a shit , thats deff another lie, affirmed by my predisposition to cry. I claim to be emotionless when really I’m overrun by it. You all see a smile, but not whats inside, its just a mask i use to hide. I’m giving you what you want, now its up to you to conceive, in reality it has nothing to do with me. Over the years I’ve grown to see , that you don’t want to […]