Nothing Left to Break

Sure… you may want to grab a cup of coffee or something. This might be lengthy. 😛 Well, I grew up in a southern baptist Christian home. I was raised by the book, disciplined by the book- and even swore by it until my journey began. I was always interested in all religions of the world but at the same time- I was the type of zealot who believed whatever they were told. I’ve always spoken my mind- combine that with my right to free speech and you have what one would call, holier-than-thou. From about 7th grade to 12th grade I would preach the “good” word whether you wanted to hear it or not, immitating what I had seen my entire life. In the 12th grade a large group of people from different parts of the U.S. and other places, but mostly AZ came to our school called Elijah Generation. They put on some freakishly cool theatrics. I wanted nothing more than to be a part of it all. They had charisma. They could act, sing, and dance. They were the same organization known by another name, Teen Reach. I went to their church service that evening, it was unlike anything I had ever seen- they were even putting on shows there! Modern age liturgical dances. I became, “saved” from my “sins”. I traveled all across the U.S. with these people, handing out phamplets, putting on shows, ect. They decided to set up a church in our area. I would sing and dance, and “speak in tongues”. One day, something in me changed and I realized I did not believe any of it. It was all an act that I used to grab attention or feel important. I stopped going, so did other people. A few years later I found out the leader had been arrested for fraud. I didn’t see it at the time, but it was a cult. We had 19 principles we had to follow- the 10 commandments, plus 9 more that tacked on (as if the others weren’t enough.) We weren’t allowed to listen to secular music or do anything without one of their youth leaders present. We could only eat certain foods… ect.

After they left, I went off to college, where of coarse I experimented with- everything. Had my heart brutally murdered, fell into a deep depression and tried to O/D on Paxil and 2 bottles of Nyquil.

Blah, blah, blah- more depressing shit happens for a couple of years- I start looking for metaphysical answers. Bought my first deck of tarot cards and they eerily hit the nail on the head about my situation.
I delved into more complicated workings, like astral projection. I have successfully done it once. I awoke to a sleep paralysis. My brain was awake but I couldn’t move my body, wiggle a finger, or open my mouth. And I just rose up and looked around. Everything was a feint blue and green color… almost like you were in a mist. An enormous tree was growing through the middle of my room. I looked to my right and on the wall was some strange elaborate sigil. It lasted about 15 seconds, and I woke up. I would have thought it was a dream if not for one small detail. I knew nothing at all about sigils while projecting. I had never read anything about it. So after a little time searching through google, I found that sigils act as barriers that you cannot pass without first reaching a higher plane. That was 2 years ago. I have since been unable to go back. I learned that animals that appear in my dreams, act as my guides.

I used to dream every night and could remember them vividly.

I would like to do more to further my journey- but I lack the resources and wisdom.

All I know is for certain: Why dream about it… when I can ditch this plane of existance and go where I would much rather be.