I have always been a lost child in the wonders of how this world work, felt different, alone, unwanted. My perception of life was so different from others to the point I was unsure what the definition of life was… to me life was what we based it on what we create of it, not repetition and constant drills to form us into all similar beings. I never understood peoples fascination with money when I was younger, it was paper… why did people fight over it. As I grew I started becoming more frustrated with the world in lack of understanding the point of it […]
Tag:
Gesture
I admit. I am typically a shy person, but that does not prevent me from judging myself and anyone that I get in contact with.
Just minutes earlier at an university library, some woman in the next study booth was playing Lady Gaga rather loud even though the sign clearly labels the area as silent zone. Lady Gaga may sing awesome songs, but it still distracts me from my study… After 15+ minutes, I had enough, so I walked to her booth, knocked at the booth door. She looked at me puzzled, wondering why I put up a smile as a gesture of politeness. I slid […]
If you have the time I’d appreciate your thoughts on the following extracts by writer Matthew Parris:
“When I die, and if I have to arrange it myself, I will consult nobody, and do it unassisted if I can. I entertain not a flicker of moral or practical doubt on the subject, and never have. Speaking only for myself — in such matters one should never judge for others — if Nature does not do the job in a timely manner I shall consider it a duty to take matters into my own hands.
I can’t tell you how simple I find these arguments: so simple […]
Here I stand, in front of the mirror once more. The disgusting creature standing before me is not me, not the me I ever wanted for myself. Unmotivated to even live my life anymore I see the imperfections of the body, the lies behind my eyes. I am not the type one would imagine to have such thoughts, I am the cheerful one, the intelligent one, the kind hearted soul. Even as I smile at myself I see the lie, the deceit behind the sweet gesture. I want so much to be saved by my lover, the man I have given everything to, but only solitude awaits me. I […]
I can’t stop thinking about him. I really can’t control it anymore. To be in love with a person who is partly responsible for the biggest and ugliest scar on my hand, the other part is me. I know the world is laughing at me along with him but i can’t stop.
I tried to hate him instead but after couple of days he would do something nice, just a small gesture and i would forgive him and pretend we are starting all over again as friends. I am aware of all the lies, his twisted personality, and self-destruction. I also know he doesn’t give a […]
Everything I touch I taint. Everything I do I botch. Everyone I know I hurt. I’m in pain almost all the time and because I’m in pain I feel a perverse need to inflict that pain on everyone else; my friends, my family and even my pets. I’m suffering and because of that suffering I have to make everyone I love, value and care for suffer as well. It isn’t fair, it isn’t right but I honestly can’t help it I’ve become the sort of person I despise. I have interests that I take great pleasure in and which help to pass the time; collecting […]
You come from a family that throws the word love around like it is going out of style. Hugs and kisses aplenty. Very stable as far as emotional content. Ah but there is not always food. You have to attend school in rags. Your friends enjoy their toys and games but you have little or none. Not because they lack, but to teach you independence. To teach you discipline. To teach you responsibility.
Oh and when you are attacked an abused on multiple occasions over several years, you are told to suck it up and man up about it. Because you are a boy and not […]