I am spiraling. I am breaking. I am fucking losing it. My mind doesn’t stop. The pain doesn’t stop. I want to scream and tear my hair out and cut my skin to shreds. I haven’t cut in years, now I can’t stop thinking about it. I just need to stop the hurt. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I have no control? I wish I could die in my sleep. Be hit by a bus. Have an aneurism blow up my head. I just want it to stop. Why won’t it stop. Please make it stop.
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gonna
Well, they wanted to throw me into the bin. Can’t blame ’em. I think it’s in the psycho protocol that when a patient tells you he’s gonna do this three days from now, you’ve got to report him. Of course, I was talking bullshit. I know nothing will happen on Wednesday. It will be like any other day, at least, on the surface. No one in my house will overdose on pinkies on Wednesday. Only on fucking blues.
Hey guys,
Firstly, thank you all for being so awesome to me these last like 6 months. You have seriously been the best people and are always so encouraging and helpful and try to make me and everyone else feel better about whatever crappy situation has us bummed out.
Thank you to all who have donated money, shared my link to spread awareness, and/or offered encouragement. You guys are awesome, and I can’t thank you enough. I would hug you all if I could. You have restored my faith in humanity and proven that people can help one another in times of need. Amazing. Seriously gonna cry […]
Why is we need to feel happy infront of?? We dont if we feel like there is no happiness then there isnt being in that black hole again is utter shit it makes you feel utter shit and i remember saying shit like “im never gonna be in that black hole again” or “depression dont take over you” but in reality it does and it will never go away and even though we can be happy there is always that feeling inside that tells us that we shouldnt be and that everythings my fault i hate it especially when friends arent there for you when […]
Three months. I survived three months without cutting. I thought I was finally coming out of my depression, that I was actually gonna be OK. Clearly I was wrong. I feel like I’ve just dug an even bigger and deeper hole when all I really needed was a rope.
By a dog. Which I will prob have to babysit & continue its training. I am refusing to do this. I already went out to check the yard & removed anything it could choke on & blocked up holes under the fence. If that puppy starts whining at night, because its to be kept outside never allowed inside, I’m gonna do something to it.
Just so you know, I am COMPLETELY against animal cruelty. So I’ll prob unblock one of the holes or something. Or wake everybody up, because it’ll keep me up.
After all the complaining they do about money, & now they have a fricken […]
probably gonna sound stupid or whiney or that i should mind my own business but this place is for me to get my emotions out right. so hats what im going to do.this isn’t aimed at anyone person in particular. im just torn up about a post on here
i felt better this last so many days i thought what i have been saying was true. but was it. i mean how come he had to wait nearly about hour for a reply, no one even tried, i replied too late what if i could of helped what if he’s dead.not a single person. […]
I actually came on here tonight for the first time in a week or so to make a post about some stuff that’s happened lately in my life… and now my head is just too overwhelmed by the utterly repulsive tragedy that’s taken place today/tonight involving a really awesome person.
So instead of crapping on about my own troubles, I’m just gonna leave this post here so we can all maybe give a thought to that special person today/tonight, because this is their day now and they deserve to be remembered.
Rest easy.
Only 10 days left until the 2 year mark. Wow. This slaps me right in the face, even though I’ve seen it coming for months now. Ah man, this month is flying and the 25th is gonna be here before i even realise and it’s gonna hit me, just like last year.
And then five days after the 25th, it’s our birthday. Oh i don’t want another birthday without my brother, he should be turning 19 wow what? I don’t want to turn 17 if he’s not here with me to turn 19.
I really don’t want to. I dont wanna ‘celebrate’ anything and people are […]
If I kill myself I feel like I still don’t win.People are still gonna talk about me like did Carlos really kill himself??What a *****,what a wuss.& my brother??He’s gonna talk non-stop shit about me.I don’t know why he hates me.I don’t love him cause he’s my brother,I just him love & It hurts my heart to know he hates me.To everyone I’m sorry I’m a fuck up.I’m sorry I suck at everything I do.
My friend Is coming home!!Since you were In some other state,bet you aint leaving Houston anymore!!
written by lifeishorrible
My friend Is coming home someday next week!!!He was suppose to do 2-10 years but he’s coming next week!!!I don’t know why,really I don’t care why!! (I haven’t talked to him or visited him just to be on the safe side)
I don’t know If he’s gonna come back with my phone but I don’t care!!Well that Is the second time the laws kept my phone but owell Its just a phone,my friend Is coming!!I wonder If he has any resentment towards me??
Enough is enough. I am a human I live in this world. You can go an lo screw yourself. Oh so you will bring me down? Good luck with that cuz I’m a real gangsta haha no I’m not really. But you know what you haven’t been through shit so don’t look at me and act like you’re gonna harm me cuz only God can harm me. I am a part of god. I am a part of the angels light. My soul is a part of this world. This world belongs to me as much as it belongs to you. Go fuck yourself this […]
When you just wanna go back to being that girl you are but you have to hide, well I wanna I just want to go to my room and cut my arms and feel better but how the fuck will that work all that’s gonna happen is for parents to get pissed off and kick me out but I’m not that perfect daughter not anymore now I’m different and in a girl who has to put on a fake smile and be faking happiness but nobody accepts me for who I am please tell me how to get out this hole again
My life is in chaos right now. I’m moving to a different state on Wednesday. I’m gonna be couch surfing with a guy who will let me stay in exchange for me being a chauffeur. I put an ad out on Craig’s List saying I needed a place to crash and I’d do chores and cook in trade. I’ve gotten so many responses of basically “sleep with me and you can stay as long as you like”.
I hate people. I’m not a whore. If I were, I would certainly go for a sugar daddy type instead of someone who will let me sleep on their […]
Sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.
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me and Ryan kinda jumped into things very fast. He moved in with me after two weeks, but we were happy as can be. I was always weary that he was lying to me, because that’s just what I’ve always been used to. But everything he said always added up. He was extremely supportive of everything, including my mental illnesses. we were in everything together. Ryan comes from a very rough child hood. Him & his siblings were taken away from his parents when I believe he was three. He found his mom when he was 18, and moved in with her. I actually met […]
Reminder that no one really cares about suicidal people these days. Why? Because no one takes them seriously. Why? Because if a mental condition is in your head, no one can see it and people have to take your word that it’s there. The perfect plan for attention whores, most frequently on this site. So I see 50 posts a night about killing yourselves and rarely does anyone do it. They come back saying “My attempt failed.” But honestly, it’s easy to kill yourself. I understand that it’s not always a hit and win, but still, the success rate has to be much higher than […]
To begin i must be honest and say i had no intention of sharing this with someone else but it keeps eating me inside.I was always a shy kid and i didn’t have many friends.I am always getting bullied at school i even tried talking to someone about this but nothing changes the other kids that bully me got angrier.It was the day that they locked me our school’s closet bleeding with a broken nose that i realise that i must have done something wrong.I keep trying to fight this but the sadness and the frustration of nobody loving you and nobody hearing no matter […]
are a fucking joke. we didn’t ask to be born into this hell they call life. let us fucking die if we want. why would we call a number that’s just gonna try to talk us out of it? and the loony bin I’ve been there like seven times since 2005.. every time I left there…. I STILL WANTED TO DIE
It’s like some kind of sick movie. I was all ready to go through with my plan tomorrow and be done with it all, but today at work it was like he knew what I was thinking and was trying to save my life. He just kept making me laugh, but that’s easy considering how I am around him. We played around with each other like we were 5 years old, spinning chairs and all. After work he even drove me to my car cause it was parked farther away. I’ve had a crush on him for less than a month, and as crazy as it […]