If I kill myself I feel like I still don’t win.People are still gonna talk about me like did Carlos really kill himself??What a *****,what a wuss.& my brother??He’s gonna talk non-stop shit about me.I don’t know why he hates me.I don’t love him cause he’s my brother,I just him love & It hurts my heart to know he hates me.To everyone I’m sorry I’m a fuck up.I’m sorry I suck at everything I do.
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4 comments
It’s not about ‘them ‘ it’s about you
My biggest hindrance is leaving a mess for my family to clean up
I have survived 2 types of cancer and my work takes me to the worst places on earth for poverty.
I just feel done
@Lotu
Firstly if you plan to ‘go’, then just settle all your affairs. Secondly choose a method that is not gruesome or that will traumatize those who have to pick up the pieces afterwards. It’s bad enough they’d have to lose you-but leaving a ‘mess’ is worse.
Sorry to hear about your cancer and your work…I hear you. I guess not too many people lead glamorous amazing life, I mean us ordinary folk. I go to this fast food place near my job and I see these grown adults working there, cheerfully doing their job.
If I’m middle-aged and ended up at a burger joint with no chance of moving to something better, brother that would be the end of the line for me. While my job is crappy, it’s still an office job, I’m not an elitist but working at minimum wage is not my idea of living. I don’t know how they do it but I could never.
What is it that you’re trying to ‘win’ here? People are going to have opinions of you regardless if you’re dead or alive. Once you’re gone the scummy people will still badmouth you, the good people will miss you (if you’re a good person).
Suicide is not about trying to prove a point. If that’s what you want to do, suicide really isn’t for you. Suicide is for people who’ve reached the end of their rope-who tried everything they could to make life better but they’re still miserable and hate life. Or for people who are old, terminally ill, have mental problems that can’t be fixed and so forth.
If you love your brother tell him…but if it won’t make a difference don’t bother. I hate one of my sisters. We still see each other through family meetings but if I had it my way, I’d never see her again because she’s a terrible human being in my view who will never change and I know she hates me also-which is fine by me.
Anyways, give your life some thought-don’t base it on impressing others or seeking their approval, your life is worth much more than that. Change your life-move out, get out of the circumstances that are causing you to feel this way and you might decide life is worth living.
One reason I want to die is because there’s beautiful things in life to experience but that I can’t experience them so there’s no point to live.
If you kill yourself you do win really. you’ll be gone, you wont know what they say about you.