I´m 16,diagnosed with major depression,been depressed and suicidal for over a year now,I recently got out of a mental hospital,I was put there for suicide risk,it was one hell for me,I hated every single second I spent there,I were there for a little over 3 months,every second of it I spent faking my smile and telling lies about my mood and suicide thoughts, just to get out of there,it was really hard for me,I never want to go there anymore. So now that i´m finally out of the mental hospital,I have to keep this fake smile on my face constantly and act like everything is […]
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good
I am haunted by ghosts of my past
past failures and mistakes
Failures and mistakes that makes my future dark
I am scared to live
I am scared to enjoy what is good
I am scared that it will end like my past
how do I brake these chains that’s holding me back
how do I brake free from these ghosts that’s haunting me
how do I live again???????
I’ve always been what kids at school call a “loner”. (And I never had a problem with it until people started acting like it was something to be ashamed of. I actually enjoyed my solitude before that because that was just me…..anyways this isn’t a post to talk about why I hate being a “loner”(still hate the way people say it lol), I’m just trying to understand something. I’m 17 years old and I’m currently in my junior year of high school. So here’s the thing; I’ve spent all my years of school being this lonely guy who didn’t really interact much with all the […]
I had something to say, something clever and witty. Now I can’t even remember what it was. Like I’m losing track of my own mind. I’m good at my job, I think. But today, I couldn’t remember how to do even the basic stuff. And I really want to hit the voice in my head, even though that wouldn’t work, and it’s a stupid idea.
I’ve been thinking for a good part of a long while. I don’t want to live anymore, I’ve made that choice. I’ve only ever felt like this once before, and I overdosed on over the counter pain killers. I woke up covered in my own vomit, and my family found me. I do not want a situation like that again. I want it to be quick, and I want it to be certain. I want to die in my bed. I don’t have many options, and I need to know what to do. Please. Help me.
My date is coming up. It’s in May. I haven’t really decided on a method yet but I know I don’t want anyone from my family to find me. I just know how the rest of my life plays out now and it doesn’t seem important to go through the day to day living. I’ll most likely die at work in my 50’s from a heart attack or stroke. My kids will be in college so my wife will have to struggle with the money because my life insurance is only good until I am 50. I figure if I eat a bullet now they […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I have lot of experiences( good and bad)
Why my brain only interested in bad experiences I have?
When I am trying to direct thoughts to good experiences it feels like foolish to me
May be this is how depressed peoples “meta brain” works 🙂
I’ve ran out of patience with trying to figure out my “life purpose”
I may be in a better emotional state than I was in late 2011 and the first half of 2012, yet that isn’t enough to make me value life
when I look back, life hasn’t been very enjoyable since mid 2010 and it’s time to put an end to this farce
my only regret: among all the people who say (believe) they care about me, not one would be willing to help me in any way to leave this prison
DON’T BE FOOLED: people value their feelings more then they value your well-being … yet they […]
You sent me a text tonight Telling me you were proud of me. I needed to see that more then you know. I needed to see something good to take away from the bad. You told me I was strong. But I’m not. I’m so severely depressed right now I literally can’t move. I need you to know how much I need you with me through this.
I’ve been feeling depressed since high school. Seen therapists, seen psychiatrists, the one after another. I’m really just done with this. I started feeling extremely anxious and depressed at the start of December and longed to end this suffering for good. But I thought to myself: “Just give your family a nice x mas, then you can do what you need to do”. Did I do it? Well I’m sitting here right now. I have a bipolar friend and I’m the only one that he really has. The only one who understands his feelings and will stay and listen or just stay with him when […]
I tried. I really, really did. But it’s never good enough, is it?
…..or perhaps just the long end of so many days not worth living. The pain always outweighss the little pleasures life has to offer, and i have reached my quota for rejection. I have a few methods at my disposal…..and i think i’ve always been a good multifunctioner, make sure this time. Notes all written, Â maybe some finishing touches to one or two……..but i’m ready and feel more peaceful than i have in ages. I just wanted to thank those who have been friendly and tried to help. See you on the flip side, lol.
……or at least be the last in a long line of those not worth living. The pain always outweighs the small pleasures life brings, and i have reached my quota for rejection. I have several methods, any of which will do…..but i beleive i will multitask and be sure this time. All my notes are  ready, maybe a few finishing touches. I am ready, not frightened and haven’t felt this peaceful in a long time. I wanted to thank those who have been kind to me here.
I got accepted into a university I really wanted to get into. I’m happy about it, but I still in someway feel depressed. I thought maybe that would be the thing that brings my mood up but then again I’m so easily ready to leave this life. I guess I should be grateful because I’m getting something I want in life and like I said before I understand that I have been fortunate but I have also been unfortunate.
I feel like a college can accept me but people I know or try and get to know cant. But why is that what the hell is […]
So…guess who’s back? Annabeth is. She left for a week or so, and I was the only person who cared enough about her to continue talking to her while she was gone, since everyone at school believed that she was gone for good. I thought so, too. But now she’s back, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. When I found out she would be returning to live nearby, I was overjoyed. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there would be a chance that she would finally talk to me in real life. That I would mean something to her. Maybe she could actually care […]
so I guess that many of you found some meaning to stay alive.
I don’t know what else to say. Keep saving people. It’s truly a good project.
I’m not too well in describing, words, reasons… I just wish u all the best. Goodbye
I had a really good day today. I took my close friend home and then went bowling with my mom. Then had a rec cheer game. The only thing I have to say is I felt as though no one was themselves. Like they were there physically but mentally they were somewhere else. I tried to ignore it but it still stuck out to me.
nothing good comes from you
here is something u can do
take a rope and tie a not
leave ur body cold and blood running hot
let it out and let it pour
see it all over the floor
dont wake up and just stay down
if ur still alive uâ€ll make me frown
iâ€ll send a bullet through ur head
and make sure ur forever dead
nobody wants you and nobody cares
your heart deserves the hate it bares
goodbye you piece of shit
you’ll be in hell in a bit
Hi Guys,
Sorry for the late notice… But I am disconnecting from the world to go Dog Sledding. 😀 So I will NOT be post today or tomorrow. I will post Sunday though. Have a good weekend!!! And don’t worry about me! 😀