He broke me down and got into my core, the capital of my heart. He happily resided in the blood of my soul, or so I thought. Unknowingly he was living in someone elses heart much more happily resided in theirs rather than mine. Caressed my mind with sweet nothings and empty words that should’ve been full of emotion. Worked into my brain and blindsided me from the signs. From the facts. I thought maybe somebody could be content and liberated with just me and no one else. Told me his fears and goals. Broke into tears full of heartbreak and confusion .. all for […]
Tag:
Heart
for the past months ive felt so muhc better but now i feel so low again, i’ve told the two girls i love with all my heart everything that i did in my past… all the thigns i believe and i’m sooo scared of what they might think i want to do i dont want to hear what they think ebcause i admited to not being hounest to either of them and if they hate me my life is over… i dont know what to do…. i wanna die…
The constant movement, struggle, and rotation of the world sets my mind ablaze. The constant parade of our society shouting demands from all people of all ages to look like this, talk like this, dress like this, believe in this, support this; if not, you’re nothing. How sweet is that…?
The neverending battle between good and evil, which has an invisible origin, kills my nerves every day. It’s like it makes me paranoid, asking myself constantly, “Am I believing in the right God?”, “Am I acting like I’m supposed to in order to be a member of this spiritual group/organization?”…..thoughts of ‘not being good enough’ or […]
Right now all I can think of is suicide. Â It is drowning me little by little. Â It will wear me down until I can’t take it anymore. Â Then it will win me over for good. Â I don’t want that day to come. Â But I just can’t help looking in the mirror and seeing what a disaster I am. Â I always question why I am still alive. Â My head tells me, ‘Just end this; right here right now you’re not worth shit.’ Â But then my heart says…
Well I don’t know what my heart says anymore. Â There is nothing there. Â Everyday my emotions seem to fade away […]
I’ve not always concealed my emotions. But ‘Never ever would I be caught in a vulnerable state again’, that was my promise to myself, that is my promise to myself. But I find that my promise is causing an unhealthy balance of sadness and the want and need of escape.  Holding everything inside is causing random explosions of emotion and confusion as to which causes me to question everything. Even the stable facts that I already know the truth about. The world in my eyes quaking and the  voice in my head screaming/ yelling.  I distance myself. Pull my heart out from within and lose […]
I’ve been fine, I can honestly say that the days counting up to the end of the school year I have not been depressed in the slightest and have been looking forward to finding things to do, but I feel depressed again and a bit suicidal and have no direction “why am I living?” if I died there’d be ruckus for a bit but life would move on regardless of how much I would want people to miss me. Thinking like this makes me reminisce because I’m feeling very small and unimportant, I’m was always willing to change myself because I thought how I was […]
Dear Jackie,
You know I love you. I love you with all my heart. I’m so proud of you, and congratulations on having your baby last night. She is beautiful. I remember the fights we used to have, and coming home being scared out of my mind by you. I remember the countless times that you were thrown out of the house. Thank you for being my role model. Thank you for watching all of those gory, bloody, violent, rated R movies with my when I was six. Thank you for letting your friend come into my room to molest me wen I was little. I […]
IÂ have never known innocence.
It has been pain and loss and death
since before I could store a memory.
And now I am asked to be normal.
I am asked to pretend
that my childhood
was warm and innocent.
Innocence was ripped away
at the age of six,
surrounded by hands
and pleas and tears
and blood to be kept secret.
But begging never gets you anywhere.
Innocence was ripped away
as I laid next to my best friend
at the age of 13
whose heart had stopped beating,
while mine took
just a bit too long
to cease.
Innocence was ripped away
with the last words she heard from me,
“I forgive you, mom.”
I was 14.
Innocence has been ripped away from me
every time I walk that […]
A bell rings out.
A pitched sound that hits the eardrum
and cripples the heart.
A line of black parades the street.
The world’s colors fade away.
A black and white existence.
The vibrancy is ripped away.
And the thought that your life may never be the same
is a thought you never wanted to hit you.
But it does.
It hits you harder than anyone has ever realized.
And years have passed.
And you still cry at night
until the tears have numbed the pain in your chest
and you finally drift to sleep;
praying to whatever god there is
that you don’t wake up the next day.
Each morning
you wipe the dried tears from your face
and everyone around you
thinks you […]
Words are so beautiful.
So powerful.
A simple string of letters;
a certain arrangement of syllables and consonants and vowels,
that have the ability to move you.
A simple word can begin a friendship
or tear apart a family.
And as we go on each day
we speak only some of these beautiful words
while others sit in our minds
dancing on our tongue
behind our lips,
just desperately trying to escape.
Words are powerful
and beautiful
and meaningful
and life is nothing without them.
So why are we taught to hold our tongue
when some of us are dying to speak up?
And if one voice could be heard,
then that voice could be saved.
But instead we silence them
and teach them to be silent.
For the […]
We spend our lives
trying to Be.
Be better.
Be smarter.
Be stronger.
Be prettier.
Just- to Be.
Be someone worthwhile.
Of course we do.
Who doesnt wake up each morning
wth the hope
that someone is going
to fall for us?
We strive for that feeling
of acceptance
and love.
Yet how do we forget
to find love for ourselves;
while we wait for another
to find their love for us?
Oh, how naive the soul
that roams each street alone,
wishing to find somone to love them
enough to take away the pain.
We are raised to believe that love
is the greatest reliever.
It can heal the wounds
and warm the icy blood pulsing through our veins.
We believe that the love of another is enough
to wash away
all pain and […]
Let me just begin by saying that i have contemplated suicide many times in my life time, mostly during my adolescence, but just recently also. I have been observing this page for a few days, and have been reading all of your posts.
I happened to stumble upon this article while searching near death experiences, and was amazed and humbled by the words so much that i began to cry. (not from sadness, but from the pure warmth of peace) I hope this brings you peace, and if not peace, a better understanding on why you are here now, and why we all MUST suffer sometimes… […]
You see “people”,
it does not get better. when you cut yourself or kill yourself, it will never get better. Why is it when that when we lose someone we love, we have to go with them. Oh yeah, i know why, it’s because this world is fucked up and people don’t care about what we suffer from. the world hurts everyone emotionally, we just have the scars to prove it… and it just feels so damn good… i want to kill myself a lot more than anybody. i knew this girl from when we were little, we grew up together. we were destined to […]
I look back over my shoulder
All I see is a past not worth remembering
And in my heart I know that I’ll never escape
The fear of my body growing colder
I see myself in all my pain
Hunched over the bathtub drain with
My blood pouring like rain
Down my arm to the sewer with all those who felt the same
And today I fight to keep at bay
The thought that demand I slay
Myself and those around who dared spout the lie that they cared
And end this life I hate today
So simple the old ways
To give in to hate and relate to life in the most brutal of ways
To berate myself […]
*My mom is mentally and partially physically abusive
*my dad didn’t want anymore kids, aka, me
*my sisters raised me, then left me with my mother
*my dad is never home
*my dad never talks to me
*I was molested and taught to masturbate at age six by my sisters friend
*my mother openly talks about my idiocy and stupidity to strangers
*I have been suicidal since 6th grade
*my mom left me in 4th grade
*I’ve been convinced that its okay to give my body away
*I’ve been raped
*I have commitment issues
*I’ve tried to commit suicide twice
*I have an addiction to cutting
*I’ve been bullied because I’m different, emo, a kandi kid, scene, bisexual, on […]
Well I’m here at the lake, just me my gun and what’s left of this case of rocky tops. For once I’m finally at peace, I watched the sunrise an set an besides that I’ve done absolutely nothing today and loved it. I’m ready this time no panic, no fear everything is just dare I say peaceful. My heart is pounding as I write these last words but not racing just steady hard pumps, I’m a bit anxious with anticipation about what’s going to happen after I pull the trigger so I’ve sat aside any preconceived notions about the after life and just take it […]
“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me: I quit!’â€
― Bill Maher
“When you’re young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you’re laughing again.â€
― Marilyn Monroe, My Story
“We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire.â€
― George Sand, Mauprat
“What’s the big fucking deal? Lots of amazing people have committed suicide, and they turned out alright.â€
― Emilie Autumn
“I simply wondered about the dead because their days had ended and I did not know how I would get through mine.â€
― James Baldwin
“She […]
This is my story and i hope it gives all of you out there some hope.
I was always a good girl. I had friends not many but yea. First everything was good. I wasn’t the thinnest but I was happy with who I am. But when I came to 5th grade, all my friends were away. All of them were on another school. I thought it couldn’t be that hard to make new friends but it was. No one in my new class liked me. They called me names like fattie. Everyday I got home I went in my room and cried. I just cried, […]
It’s nearly midnight and what’s happening? The thoughts are returning…..The voices are speaking..no, YELLING at me >.< I can hear them now….. “Die ***** die!” “Who says you’re worth living?” “You don’t deserve to live. Your own parents didn’t even want you. HA!”
The thoughts destroy me, kill me, suffocate me, eat me alive. My demons…they’re real. They exist. I don’t want to go on but..I have to. Not just for myself. I’m not living for myself anymore. I’m living for him. And her. For them. They may not care about me but I love them with all my heart.
It’s like…I can scream at them and […]
“What’s up?”
“… Nothing.”
I had to steady myself before replying. Thankfully my voice comes out normal and calm. I don’t want anyone to know about it.
I calmly walk to my room, collapse on the floor, lean against the door and just cry.
I’m selfish. Stupid. Arrogant. A waste of money. A waste of time. A waste of energy. Fat. Lazy. Ugly.
Sink down, lying on floor.
Gay. Retard. ******. Dirty. Liar.
Even if I did leave, there would still be those at school who would just laugh at me.
Lol. She’s such an emo.
I’ve been crying to the point that it hurts […]