I wished they would knew what was going on in me, but I can’t tell them. My parents are noticing that I want to do less things, and they don’t agree with it because they think it will take me down. What they don’t realize is that doing so many things is killing me, it makes me more depressed and more suicidal. So doing those many things will actually take me down, but they have another vision and don’t want to listen to me. We have constantly arguments, and I really wished I could tell them, but they won’t agree with me. They just don’t […]
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High Expectations
as I sit here deep in thought. Am i something you forgot? I am lonely, I am cold. These feelings surrounding me are getting old. I wonder every day, if your love is here to stay. only God knows why so I sit here and I pray. hoping one day this pain will go away I feel torn I feel used I feel broken and abused my heart can’t take this anymore broken shattered on the floor. I am here you are there why can’t you just finally care you say you love me say its true but this love fires turning blue. broken […]
I feel like I live in the past too much it’s like I’m never present. With the way things are now I can’t imagine them ever getting better I admit that I have a horrible habit of making high expectations thinking as a way of feeling better at the moment an odd way of coping I know. I think that I’ve become so used to being depressed that I’ve formed a personality around it  even worse is that I’m afraid of coming out of my depression I have no idea why but I am, yet seeing other people doing well makes me sad and makes […]
I need to stop running away from all my problems. It’s not like they’ll disappear if I turn my eyes away. They’ll just keep building up and up until it not only affects me but everyone else in my life… But, that’s so much easier said than done.
I don’t talk to anyone anymore–what few “friends” I had, my family…no one. I’ll send the rare text from time to time to let them know I’m alive, but…if they try to start a conversation or call me I just ignore it. I don’t know how to face them anymore. I’m so disappointed with myself and what my […]
I feel sick to my stomach. Maybe it was lack of nutrition, most likely not the alcohol. I don’t know. I will try to avoid text slang as I am accommodated to it. My life has desensitized me, I guess. I just picked that word up from a previous post. I believe I might be insane but how can I be sure. I have begun wearing a “happy” mask at my new school as its the last year of high school, so why not keep everyone out of the loop of my insanity and depression.
Yesterday, my happy place was destroyed (the imaginary place in my […]
Before I tell my story I’d like to say a few things. I am not looking for pity or attention. I deserve neither of those. I don’t need anyone to tell me that what I say about myself isn’t true and I’m being to hard on myself. I only wish to get my story out here so that anyone who feels the same way will know that they are not alone.
I’m going to start off with a little background about my family and myself. My mother’s mother was a bi-polar depressive and an alcoholic. Her parents divorced and re-married several times when she was […]
…but I think western society has some pretty f’king high expectations for everyone. Where’s the love? It doesn’t seem real to me. Hence, most of us are stuck here.. struggling. It just ain’t right… I dunno if I’m saying that right.. but yeah.. where the f*** is the love?
This is my first time on the website, so I hope I don’t break any rules or something.
My story is pretty standard: a strict family, crippingly high expectations, and an inability to ever deliver what they wanted culminated in chronic depression and very bad self esteem. I once brought home a B+ for a 7th grade science class. My parents screamed at me and insulted me until I was literally on my knees, sobbing, begging them to stop.
In high school I was absolutely miserable. Because I was shy and socially awkward, I was unpopular, completely ignored. I did well in my classes, but of course not nearly well enough to please my parents. Nobody talked to […]
Suicide has been very much on my mind for a long time. For as long as I remember, the thought of putting an end to my life would come up whenever I experienced pain, confusion, unhappiness. Pouf! Jump off the window and put an end to all that! That urge to jump into the air remains with me. I do consider other ways of killing myself from time to time, sleeping pills, hanging…hanging particularly appeals to me despite the gruesome sight of someone hanging from a rope. I don’t think I will act on those feelings. I have a child for whom I am responsible. […]