My high school orientation was yesterday. I’ve never been so afraid!! In elementary school there were only 60 students in my grade but, then I go to orientation with over 400 students my age. Holy shit. I’ve never felt so intimidated. Looking at all the pretty girls made me feel even more ugly and looking at all the attractive guys made me feel even more pathetic. Why am I so afraid of what people will think of me? School hasn’t even started yet and I’m already crying and freaking out. I just want to kill myself so that when I do eventually commit suicide, I […]
Tag:
Holy Shit
I’m seriously low right now.
please tell me something fun,lovely.. positive. please.
So… after picking up my martial arts class, I got involved with Quidditch. Don’t call me a nerd because if I were actually a hardcore nerd, I would be dead right now. Quidditch is intense. It’s like rugby with three hoops and three balls and a running snitch. It is tough! I was already sore from martial arts, my shoulders were dead. I couldn’t even do a pushup they were so dead. Well, we started off practice with running, karaokes, and ‘superman’s. I failed the superman part. I couldn’t fucking do it right. It sucked. I’m not a fast runner, but it was awesome, and […]
And boy, BOY am I doing it wrong.
I have no traumatic past, troubling future (at least in anyone else’s view), or any of these other socially acceptable reasons for despair. I grew up with a normal family, normal income, normal everything. I really have nothing to complain about in my past. But, holy shit that’s what sucks. I am fucking bored out of my mind with everything. Everything is so bland, unappealing, status quo, daily grind.
So, obviously it’s not particularly anybody’s fault for my current predicament, except for myself. But that’s the funny thing. I readily accept the fact that I have driven my […]
Hello Again,
I haven’t been here in a while, or maybe I have. I’m having issues telling how much time has passed. But same as always, I still want to kill myself (no shit sherlock). Something new though is my ability to be incredibly happy one minute and holy shit kill me now the next. Something old is cutting but it’s much worse then when I started last year. I’ve stopped cutting but once again I could not tell you for how long because I apparently can not tell you if it’s been a day or a week that has gone by. I think it’s […]