It was June 2013 and a friend recommended me to a self help workshop called world works. It was a cult. They used sleep deprivation and yelling techniques to control 30 of us in a room with limited breaks. There a 3 levels of the program and I reached level 2. I quit after that but they were still bothering me writing nasty texts and kept calling me. They were awful and tried to make you feel terrible. My friend asked me whats the matter. I thought not talking about would make it go away and it didn’t. I felt like I was being followed […]
After a suffering childhood with to much suicide attempts and other violence in my family i at age 5 landed in shock. Child protection came in after my sisters suicide attempt but my parents kept there dirty laundry for them self they did not explain what was happening just blamed the kids. Child protection did not see i was in shock thought i was stupid and hard to handle. At age 6 they dumped me by trick in closed house of correction for the aggressive retarded children. 5 Years there with all the torture really fucked me up for life. It was not the beatings it was […]
insomnia is the bane of my existence. i stay up for days, sick to death with the fear of what the dark may bring…stream of conciousness chicken scratchfvgde
i like to write…i hem and haw over which words to use, each one a juicy fruity gem
There’s bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet….no matter how, swiftly u flee, or how far afield you go
always remember that we all have bones beneath our skin;
a skeleton dwells in every man’s home
beneath the dust and sweat and love that hangs on all of us,
there’s a dead man who’d kill […]
Sorry, guys, this “little story” might be a bit long for you, but maybe you’ll find something interesting.
When my parents separated, I had to move to another school, another house, another city. The changes were drastic. From the gorgeous three-floor plus balcony house we had to the new studio-type apartment barely the size of my old bedroom. From the Dad I knew and (maybe) loved, to this absolute stranger my Mom claimed to love. My problem was at home and I found ways to run away from it.
I made a ton of friends in my new school. I came home late most days, other days, […]
I’m tired… I could leave home again or go home. Ima kill somebody first
What doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper
And I can’t take one more moment of this silence
The loneliness is haunting me
And the weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up
It comes in waves, I close my eyes
Hold my breath and let it bury me
I’m not okay, and it’s not alright
Won’t you drag the lake and bring me home again?
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down?
Save me from myself, don’t let me drown
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save […]
I am a girl in high school. I don’t have a lot of friends and recently I quarreled with my so-called best friend. I used to have lunch and go back home with her every day. Now that we have had a fight, we no longer talk. I need to ask someone else to go back home and have lunch with me every single day. I feel like I am bringing troubles to people. I feel like they are just too nice so they wouldn’t refuse me even though they really think that I am annoying. I don’t dare talking to my so-called friends about […]
I was doing so well. I was happy, my family was happy with me. I was helpful instead of a burden. I was trying so hard to please myself and everyone around me. My mom took my sister on a trip I was dying to go on. She had refused to take me on it the year before, but agreed it would be worthwhile for my sister. I was upset, and a little bitter at first. But I decided to get over it and just be happy and help out around the house over spring break while they were gone. My dad works all day, […]
I wake up thinking how will i die. I go to school planning how i could die. I go home wishing to die. I sleep dreaming of dying. I cant get death off my mind..
Ugh. I hate coming back to my parents house. There always just fighting all the time and just keep reminding me how disappointed they are in me and how much of a fucking freak I am. Thanks mum. Everything here just stresses me out an I feel like I’m gonna explode.
Cats are here though. Hugging them beats staying back alone at my apartment for 2 weeks while I’m off uni I guess.
I’ve always had a gut feeling of dying young. I’ve had a reoccurring dream since I was 4 of it.
I’m chronically ill. I’m a sophomore in high school, though I’m home schooled. No one cared when I left. No texts, or are you okays. I’m stuck here alone, sometimes with him. My mom hates me for the bills and because her boyfriend doesn’t like me.
I want to die.. I want to die pretty and happy, in my best dress and my makeup done. I want to die… but the only one I love will hate me for making him go to my funeral..
…. Funny when […]
So I just spent the last 3 and a half days in the hospital with inflammation of my appendix and lower GI. Long story short, it wasn’t a pleasant stay. Although when is going into the hospital ever fun? Being probed, scanned, x-rayed, and treated like a human pin cushion isn’t my idea of a swell time. Can’t sleep in there for more than 30 minutes at a time with hourly vital check ups, lab works, and of course unannounced visitors. Not to say I’m not thankful for the friends and family who did come see me. Which is more than what I can say […]
It is too easy for people you love to drift away from you. With all the “I can’t make it” texts and “sorry I couldn’t come over last night” voicemails I feel lil we are losing touch with people more and more these days. Most days my only human interaction besides the norm at home is with the jackasses at my work.
See that little girl? Her names Avery. She’s my baby sister. She’s my biggest reason for living. I absolutely dread the day that she starts thinking for herself. As soon as that happens, my father will abandon her just like the rest of us. All 8 of us. She is the epitome of innocence and love and I can only hope that her mother comes to her senses and leaves my dad. She was a good parent to the 3 kids she had before they got married. […]
I have had a whirlwind of a week, and to be fair i still dont quite know what is going on. I have tried to kill myself twice in the matter of three days, taken to hospital, released the next day, then the next i tried again, again unsuccessful but the psychiatrists at the hospital deemed me to “just be having a bad week”, bad is nothing and such a understatement.
My partner broke up with me and thats when my first suicide attempt occured, the next day. He went in the ambulance with me and stayed by my bed all night, when i was discharged […]
It been a long time since I been to this site and posted anything. I feel a lot better now that i left home and have an amazing long distance boy friend . However like the rest of life i still find the problems to keep me up at night.Like the feeling of still being unable to help any one, as i leave home and travel 4 hours up north with no way to get back till the summer i find my brother falling deeper into the darkness, he never had any friends nor a stable life , however he never been a street rat […]
Nothing’s fine. Never. But the worse thing is not seeing people. I don’t see people at work, and there’s only my mother at home.
Being all day alone is killing me. I try to call someone, just that I forget that other people actually have a life and won’t be available just because the world suddenly seems so hard to me.
I want a life too. I don’t want to spend the day with this sad me, thinking about how nothing is fine, stopping myself to call again, just swallowing the anxiety.
Uhm. Luckily I’ve got Fridays, when I’m with people for two hours, so I can […]
What to do about a depressed 10 year old? Family’s in chaos, inconsistency. Divorce pending, mom in hospital, dad drifting away to girlfriend. This 10 year old has random meltdowns where he can’t stop crying and eventually storms off. No one can approach him. Sometimes he refuses to talk to anyone. He’s all right at school, I think, but home is miserable. It’s snowing right now and he doesn’t have any distractions.
I’m worried because I see some streaks in him similar to myself. He feels misused, shut-up, abandoned, unloved, etc.
I don’t know what to do. With my dad working nights we’re at home alone a lot, […]
I am going to tell my life story up to today. There is a point to this, so just bear through all of this. I promise, it may be worth reading. I’ve been familiar with sad things for my whole life. When I was five, my mom kicked my dad out because he was an alcoholic and a drug user; he also treated her very badly. I remember seeing him occasionally after that. I didn’t realize what my dad was into until I was much older, where I grew up watching him drink and abuse his girlfriend. In 2nd grade, a man moved in with […]
As a young child I was not taught the many things that I should. So as I grew older or went to school I learned through others. I have been bullied since the age of 10. Days I didnt want to go to school, Didnt want to leave my room afraid that someone would find something to bully me about, whether it was my voice, my clothes, hair, or the way I smelled. I went to counseling in middle school but it didnt help, so i went home and took a bunch of pills one day but it didnt kill me I was still here, […]