…it was my life. So yesterday I had to spend the day going through mum and dads things, mum died recently and dad’s off to a nursing home, and came across all this childhood stuff. Do you think I could find something that didn’t remind me of some kind of hell growing up? Nup. Then I found stuff mum had kept with my cancer diagnosis and treatment, all this paperwork (I was 17), disability and deformity and yeah it was like reliving a nightmare. Yep I remember the hardship, the death defying years, decades, the taunts, abuse, stares and ridicule…hang on they’re still happening in […]
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Hi all,
I found this site accidentally whilst researching suicide options on-line and I have to say it is quite comforting knowing there are so many people out there that are battling with suicidal wishes…
A little about me…
I am 30, female from UK. I have struggled with depression from a young age and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder last year.
I showed a lot of promise when I was young, teachers constantly commented on my academic ability and apart from general rebellion I was a good kid, that was until I was 12. I was sexually abused by a family friend and that was the kick start […]
“539 Everlast”
Spectral I will never arrive
But will you for me if you saw me
Does it but would it matter
The way that I come
Only my backside facing to you
I only want to look up to the sky
I was a natural prodigy at hockey
Super-Man all the way
The fresh air and trees, take me
That is all that I want
To look up and stare at the moon
The stars in the sky that you are
The imagery, child in beautiful room
I love toys and everything
Have you ever met that one person you just can’t stop thinking about? Well, i have. And in my case it suck balls. So, let’s start evert ‘good’ story as it always starts, with alchohol.
It was in the summer, in the local park everyone was drinking, everything was great. I was there with my friends, wich i now got and they are the best. But that dosen’t matter, because this is about a guy that haven’t felt love in many many years. Let me give you some bavkground. Okay, so there was this 14 year old, and that boy met a girl when he started […]
Yet again, I don’t know why I keep posting here while I can just do it and get it over with but I got exhausted already of trying to hang myself over 10 times today exploiting the chance that my brothers are out and only me left home and I wanted to talk to someone about my failure. As much as I’m committed to dying I don’t want to feel so much pain in my windpipe (swallowing) while trying to hang myself. Maybe I’m doing it wrong? It’s partial suspension I’m attempting and by a belt. My larynx seems to be the only problem that […]
I should never have come back here to school. I should have listened to my intuition and stayed home and gone to beauty school or something. After getting trampled by a horse I should have known that was a sign. I cant even bridle the horse and all i ever do is cry. Im such a crybaby i wish i knew how to make it stop. People tell me i don’t belong here and maybe i should listen. I wish i could die in my sleep from all this pain. I’m so done. And my roommate doesn’t even care about me she just wants […]
I think you can go home soon, soul.
21 years old, I have loved, was loved in return, laughed, cried, hated, etc.
What more does this life hold for me except basically repeat?
I remember standing there with tears in my eyes looking at the river saying “I am proud of having managed to live twenty one years. Twenty one years.”
That was about 8 months ago.
I have a job and friends and medication but the pain keeps coming back. Do I have to, do I want to bear it until my body, inevitable as it is, dies someday?
Why not speed things up. For so many years my soul […]
I couldn’t keep up with a fast-paced job for even a week.
I can’t even find a good job at all.
I can’t make my boyfriend laugh the way I used to. I can’t tell him anything that will give me more than “yeah well” or “baby”. When he says he loves me, the only thing I can think is that he doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t ask me how my day is or try to talk about things with me anymore. But God knows he has plenty to tell his friends on his computer game.
I came to New York a month and a half ago […]
I don’t get high cause I like to,I don’t even like the tatse of swisher sweets.I get high to get threw the day.I rarely cut anymore but now that’s all I wanna do.Cutting when high Is like a high to a high.Without either one & someone not there Its like whats the point??I am by no means a strong person.I need an escape.Maybe I needa go home??
Ever since I was a child, I was never really happy with who I was. I always looked at other people and wish I could be them. Everyone is smarter, funnier, wealthier, stronger, more attractive, and/or just better off than I am.
When I was about 7, and later at age 11, I was sexually assaulted multiple times by two different people (a cousin and a fellow Boy Scout). I’m still traumatized by those experiences, but I believe I deserved it because I never said anything to stop them.
When I first developed depression, I started self-loathing. At age 13, I was diagnosed with a medical condition […]
Technology can be fantastic for meeting new people, and sometimes you meet the right ones. I got to. I met the man I would’ve grown old with through a stupid website then through a dumb app designed for sending nudes and talking to strangers. I don’t understand why such a fantastic man was put into my life just to be taken out of it. Thanks to Technology, I had to find out he died from a message. Not a call, not in person the day he died. No, several months later when his mother finally found my contact information. I don’t know the date of […]
The cops were called today. They want to “help”. I just want to die, continue cutting and not live in this hell hole of a town. One of the three!! I have the perfect place to live in a different city with friends that are more willing to help me out than my own family. Now I don’t think I can go to the place I once called home.
My life changed 7 weeks ago.
7 weeks ago I found out my husband was having an emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend via email. What was worse, I found out that he planned to fly her out to our home whilst I was visiting family.
I called him on it and I ended up going back to visit the family as planned but knowing this woman would be coming into our home and sleeping with my husband in our bed. I told no-one but the pain was immense.
I felt I couldn’t say that much as we had also been the result of an affair some 19 years […]
I’ve explained it over and over and over again, but I guess I’ll do it again.
I messaged my best friends ex last night, just to talk, and we were all close, and have been through shit. and every time i would say something he’d just say “bye” but after she messaged him, he started being nice to me and talking to me. For some reason it made me feel like complete shit. Like i didn’t matter, until she mattered. I felt worthless. I started crying, and ended up having an anxiety attack.
I was holding that blade so close to my skin, telling myself […]
I thought I could come to college and settle in and not want to go home til thanksgiving break. But no, I had to get a rude room mate, be told i don’t belong here, and deal with depression that everything is causing. This weekend I’m’m going to visit home but I’m starting to wonder if ill end up coming back to college. I’ve been doing class and homework nonstop since I came here and I’m taking 20 units. My volleyball coach is mad cuz I’m not doing well in practice and I’m not going to the gym. I haven’t had time because of […]
I bathed in melancholy as I listened to this piece. It made me want to kill myself, immediately. It brought up so many hurt and despair in me I couldn’t bare. I left home. Well, not before I synced it into my music player. I went to my secret place, a small piece of nature surrounded by the big houses of my neighborhood. It was afternoon and the sun was nice on me. Everything was nice, because when you have cancer even the dickheads from the office can manage to swallow their jokes. I called my psychologist. She didn’t answer. I sat down by a […]
This is my first time posting on this site. I just want to share why I’m considering ending my life.
I’m a 19 year old male from Hawaii.
I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible.
When I was a child, I was coerced into sexual acts by both a cousin and a “friend” (at different times in my life).
At age 13, I was diagnosed with a medical condition known as Marfan Syndrome and was told that people with this disorder don’t live very long. All throughout middle and high school, I was teased because of this condition.
I spiraled into a deep depression, and my grades started […]
This is my first post on this site, I’ve come here more than a few times to read your stories and poems when I need to cry or try and feel better. But today things are different.
I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was about 13, I’m 25 now.
As a kid, I was an elite athlete. I dove springboard and tower and I was really, really good at it. So good that at 12 years old I was already training 5 nights a week and had set a National record for my age group. Being so good brought a lot of pressure into […]
I’ll be home soon mum. We’ll be where no man can hurt us. I juts gotta see dad right first then I’ll come home ok. Love you xx.
Many of you know the basics of my story. This is the whole story, from when I met my soulmate, to when I lost him. I figured it was time to share the details. I apologize for the length of this post, but appreciate those who take the time to read all the way through to the end. If you make it all the way to the end, there’s a special treat.
We weren’t supposed to be separated. We were meant to find each other. We lived on opposite sides of the country, and through unlikely circumstances, we met when I went to Ohio for school. […]