i war with myself constantly, going from extreme highs to lowly lows. I don’t know what to do, I always over react and I always make mistakes, I’m like a sporadic pendulumI swing from doing what’s right and what’s wrong so quickly. my life’s a mess.in the long run I think I’m going to get a truck and I’m going to do some traveling probably go from one corner of the Americas to the other. and in the end of find a nice quiet and beautiful place then I will remove my stained from humanity. in the end I guess nothing was worth it, we […]
I’m groggy. Have taken three different sedative substances, only one of them prescribed. Tsk tsk.
Am desperate to sleep.
Am using chatrooms coz I can’t focus on any book, movie, documentary or any other cultural output.
There’s something seriously wrong with my body. It’s like dragging a corpse around. I’m constantly knackered.
Uh-oh. This may not be suicidal enough for Suicide Project.
I daren’t even say what I really want to say. I’m paranoid as all hell. If I say I wanna kill someone some f***** out there might think I mean it so…
So here’s another half-assed post which is really just a groggy vent. Because sauce for the goose […]
I am just wandering if I was to overdose on sleeping pills would I die quickly or would I end up throwing up the pills or something worse? And will it hurt to overdose on pills.
So I just spent the last 3 and a half days in the hospital with inflammation of my appendix and lower GI. Long story short, it wasn’t a pleasant stay. Although when is going into the hospital ever fun? Being probed, scanned, x-rayed, and treated like a human pin cushion isn’t my idea of a swell time. Can’t sleep in there for more than 30 minutes at a time with hourly vital check ups, lab works, and of course unannounced visitors. Not to say I’m not thankful for the friends and family who did come see me. Which is more than what I can say […]
I’ve wanted to die for such a long time but now I’ve fallen apart so badly and I have no idea of how I can hope to survive…
He hurt me, he really really hurt me. I’ve been left panicky and scared of everything because of what he did and I just cannot deal with it at all, I have no idea what to do anymore…
People I talk to have said tears before God are prayers that God hears and reaches his heart. If that is true then he feels nothing for me. I’m so sick of being a good Christian girl who is forgotten by God. Seems if when he was making all his children I was just the remaining dust on the floor that he swept and threw away.
They said that when I got sober things would get better , that as long as I did the next right thing God will help me. He won’t though. They say that I’m selfish by thinking of suicide and that […]
1. To not hurt my mother and sister.
2. To not abandon my dogs.
3. ?
Can’t find it.
These pictures are from today….I am the person who never did this… but the combination of not being able to trust new contacts, thus making it impossible to life a normal life and the fact that my ex girlfriend might have given me soa’s;there have been 10+ guys so the chances are rather high…. has removed all boundaries which i did have before.
This […]
So my mum is learning to drive (yeah, kinda late). Instead of feeling proud, I can only think that she will have an accident as soon as she gets the license.
Today a plane departing from Barcelona to Germany crashed… I knew that the odds of someone that I know being in the plane were minimal, but I’ve been all the day thinking about my friends living in Germany. What if they came home this weekend and they were in the plane going back there?
What if my sister kills herself? What if I walk the dogs and they eat something poisoned? What if that person, or […]
To think I used to be such a innocent little girl..when I was in primary school my auntie died and I was really close with her and I completely broke me. I used to get bullied all the time gettin called daddy long legs cuz I was really tall and skinny that lasted the whole of primary school.. When I got into high school everything changed, yeah I found a friendship group quick but I chose the wrong one I got off in the wrong group I used to go out late all the time take drugs and drink a lot get told off by […]
SHE. That’s how I refer to her when I talk to you. Because it hurts to see you happy with someone else. I see pictures of the two of you and it Kills me. I want nothing more than to be yours again.. and then I remember how you treated me. Every time you made me feel worthless and unwanted. Every time you spat my name as though it were some foul substance that your body was rejecting. I was never a part of ‘us’ because you were with me out of pity. So Why do I still speak to you? I think part of […]
the person you knew is dead
let go of who i am now but never forget who i was
why won’t you call
any of you
i’m just tired of being forgotten
i’m not doing this to hurt you
but i want you to hurt
you kno what .. you wanna know what really fuckn sucks is when you think you can trust someone but they backstab you .. are you fuckn serious right now .. i guess this is gods way of showing me who i need in my life and who i dont ..
fuck friendship fuck love bc i get hurt in the end anyways
I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a while now and I just wanted to know does overdosing on painkillers hurt? Like if I were to take 12 painkillers would it be painful?
is there any point in any of us being on this earth all it leads is people going into dispair and depression or hurt. Why do we have to go through this? There is no point in any of this no point in being here, i’ve finally reached my end sad to think really but i could end it without a batter of an eyelash, i don’t care about life anymore if you care to much you’ll just end up hurt. So please leave your comments and tell me whether you think life is worth living anymore
They all look at me
Are they even seeing me or are they seeing what is left.
If I say no will it make a difference
No matter how many times I told him no he wouldn’t stop
Even though he hurt me I still love him
I shouldn’t
He’s my my brother.
Ever since I was born, I have always been a shy person. I would try to ignore my own feelings to help others. In fact, I was forced to at such a young age since my friends were all a few months younger than me. Therefore, since I was the eldest, I was the one who got reprimanded and to my young mind, did everything wrong. This idea was reinforced by my mother shouting at both me and my dad a lot. My dad and her yelled at each other every night. They tried to hide it from me, but I was a poor sleeper. […]
I met my beautilful girlfriend at work, I have been single for 13 years so I could raise my 2 girls, they are older now so I wanted to find someone. I loved everything about my gf, beautiful, inteligent, her speacial smile just for me, she called me babe or love. She has 3 kids, was in an abusive marriage, last 3 boyfriends cheated on her, I told her I loved her with all my heart and would never hurt her or cheat on her. I would pick her and her baby up in morning, drop baby at babysitter and drive us to work, pick […]
So Friday a teacher that I talk to, told me that she wants me to help her in building my self esteem. I don’t know what to do. I’m so use to feeling down and taking pain pills and cutting myself, I don’t know if I can change or if I’m even WILLING to change. I told her I wasn’t willing to try and she told me to think about it and tell her my answer Monday. I don’t want to hurt her, when we finished our conversation Friday she walked away wiping her eyes. I know how much she loves and cares about me […]
I feel like there is no point to living this life anymore, I have lost everything so why not my life too