uhm hi everyone,im new here.so last summer i tried to kill myself with pills but i failed and ended up in hospital for 2 weeks.i was diagnosed with major depression.my whole family thinks this is some kind of joke,they think that theres no way i could be depressed bc im just a teen and its so disgustin and annoying.my parents are horrible.theyre calling me names and expect too much.i cry almost everynight because i cant get their words oyt of my head.my mom thinks “i’ve everything” but to her everything is money and material stuff.they never tried talking to me and always act like everything […]
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i cant
I wanted to start over in life when i got out of high school but now i noticed i cant wait that long. If i want something i must fight for it, i cant just give up so easily. So today I’ve decided to put my life first for it is more important then getting messed up over things..im going to forget everything, today i am a new person no more crying, no more cutting or hurting myself…high school is where you make memories and thats what im going to do, im going to be myself and not being depressed or down. Its time for […]
I feel like someone else i don’t like looking at myself i hate everything i do. i miss her dearly i hate that we are separated. i wish i could be happy. i think about killing myself but that wont help get her back. i try hanging out with friends but nothing helps. i dont get sleep anymore. i wish you loved me back. i wish you cared about me. sometimes i get so angry i hit myself. i blame all of our problems on me. i miss you daisy….. i want you here with me having fun. but your out there talking to someone. […]
my life’s shit right now. i lost my gf she broke up with me and my dad constantly fight. i told her i would change but she dident care if i killed myself. she never cared i just wana be happy and she was the only thing that makes me happy i try to act like im ok to to all my friends but im really in pain. i think shes talking to somone. i cant fight this pain . im on my knees begging god to take my life away.i cant live this life im living i wish i was stronger i wish i […]
Lately my whole life has falling apart. Im 24 in California. Iv been with my gf for 5yrs. Iv left my whole family just to be with her here. (My family is in Michigan). So after 5yrs now she isn’t in love with me anymore. She says she loves me but shes not “in love with me”. She broke up witb me yesterday and now idk what to do.. like wtf iv built my whole life around her. Iv given her everything she ever wanted. I put her before myself and now it means nothing i cant just uproot myself whenever she feels like it. […]
My boyfriend of two years has left me and i cant go on.
I know this seems drastic but my life has not been easy and this is the final straw.
I was abused by my grandfather from an early age and because of this was unable to have children, (hysterectomy at 21)
My stepfather used to beat us instead of facing his issues with his father. And our mother beat us because defending us caused her to be beaten.
I have two failed marriages and i cant cope any more.
I love this man with all my heart but he has chosen to leave.
I have reserched […]
going to fail A-levels –> have no opions if i cant get to uni –> dont have a passion to take as a degree –> my two ‘bestfriends’ are now in smitten ‘grown up’ relationships and have abanoned me –> my mum is so depressed she wont accept that i also have depression–> i have so many scars on my body that i will forever be wearing jumpers –> my savings are being used to keep the family house from repossession –>i dont have the motivation to try anymore –> no motivation to live, no motivation to die.
i fell back into that place again. that place of darkness, hopelessness, and futility. that place that all of you have worked so hard to get me out of. im not thinking of 2015. im not thinking of this afternoon. im thinking of right now. this second, fighting that damn urge. so here i am again, thinkin of all of you and the things you have taught me, trying to distract my mind, to shut it up so i wont give in and listen to it. why wont it go away? why wont it leave me alone?why does it torture me, shut me down and […]
Mh.. I want to share this now..
Life has no meaning, it’s only a shitty story with a happy start. Im jealous that i’ll never see the things like the other happy people do.
It’s a shame that I cant do something right… The only thing i ever wanted was to do something right.. That the people i love the most would be proud of me..but.i guess that’ll never happen.
My mom was never proud of me and she never will.
But im over it now.
The people i love will die. And i’ll die too.
Live isn’t for everyone.
Live isn’t for me.
This live is just sad. Thats my opinion. Everything […]
i know being suicidal tends to makes us all somewhat self-supplicating creatures…..to clarify, this is not intended as a stab at anyone, just my conjecture….although i dont really post frquently, i would like to aknowledge some of you on this site who make an effort of helping others…..it reminds me that humanity is not all lost, just mostly unanimous, so thank you all….i cant name em all, but u know who u r….distant road, whispers, koatanik, nias, even killswitch…bit blunt and i’m guessing mostly drunk, but narcissim dosent automatically mean not caring, rite…hahahaha!!! but for realsies, i am appreciative…..also, can i borrow some money??? JOKING!!!
give me intimacy
love me without touching me
cuddle me every night as if the night is our last night together
love me through your lips
make my eyes close and my mind forget everything, even my name
make me forget to breathe because all im focused on is you
make my breaths ragged from your mouth
make my knees weak from your voice telling me im ravenous
make me swallow hard as i try to remember what it felt like before this, but even then i cant and will not because youre too good
make my hair messed up and crazy as your hands […]
I have had a miserably hard life. I dont know how to write this or why i should or why anyone would care. i was molested and smothered as a child by my very sick father and my very sick mother did nothing about it. they drink. i dont remember most of my childhood and what i do remember is horrific. my father’s seductive abuse of me continued as a teenager. my younger brother went crazy and is now living in a halfway house and has had issues with the law and with alcohol. my older brother b/c a lawyer and had two children and […]
The weight of the world is getting harder to hold up.. im not okay and its not alright.. the lonlyniss is haunting me.
Im depressed. I told my mom that, and she made me start therapy. but i hate to say this, but its to late. She has no clue i cut, or have suicidal thoughts. I havent cut in about a month. And today is Christmas, so i should be happy right? Wrong. My new sister got more than i did, and im starting to just feel very down again. Everything would be so much easier for everyone if i was just dead. Im always in the way, and i can never be happy. I have no friends. All of them turned on me and i cant […]
What is life when u dont know its meaning..
i cant look for the future when my present is trembling..
Trembling with fear of not knowing..
This fear just keeps on growing.
Every hope life gave me was misleading..
Every happy start led to a sad ending..
Why? Why me? Thats something ive been asking myself for a long time. Now i know im nothing special, theres probably millions of other depressed trans kids wanting to kill themselves. I just personally cant stand this. The waking up every morning and seeing that disgusting wrong body. I am nothing but a pathetic girl who wants to be a boy who cant even wear a feminine shirt without being physically uncomfortable, a fraud who portrays themselves as someone who is fine, who doesnt cry. But i cry almost every fucking night. Im crying right now. Crying over the disgusting body i can only change […]
sorry folks, tried again.having run out of time, with nowhere to go, and no way to exist, the desperation got the better of me.i remember blacking out. came to on floor, looking at the ex-wife. so beautiful. thought she was an angel. then it all came back. just another failure.i really do need to find a peacful way out. i cant take this anymore. their has got to be some peaceful way out?
breathe,i must remember to breathe. in, out, in, out…,paralyzing fear. like the first time i was shot at. my brain is numb, and has a difficult time making decisions. must do. anything. so scared. so damn emotional. making me crazier. cant stop crying. no more tears and i cant stop crying. seeking help, but what can be done? it dont go away. the only ones who understand are in the same boat with me and sinking fast. so disconnected from evrything. i want to die. yet, i want to live. i want to experience joy, happines and all the good emotions that i have denied […]
im just depressed, depressed all the time, i cant feel happy since like 2 years, i forgot what happiness feels like, all i can feel is pain, all the fucking time, and i hate it, i really do, if i die nobody’s gonna hurt me, so i guess, with the new year ill be dead, i need to die, i have to, i dont wanna feel pain, i hate it, i really do! i dont know how i will suicide, maybe i will jump from the roof, maybe ill take pills (even though i tool pills 2 times trying to suicide but obviously that didn’t […]
I can never do anything right in this world. Everything i touch i destroy. Everything i do isnt good enough for anybody. Why cant they see im trying my best to succeed in this world. Mom and brothers think i wont go to college and become someone. I just cant anymore im so stressed and fustrated with myself that i cant do anything right to make anybody proud of me…. im such a screw up sometimes i wish i wasnt born……