It has been a while but I guess this was inevitable, I really tried to cut deeper but the knife was just so blunt. I just couldn’t feel the sadness that I know I should feel. I feel so empty and lifeless, this at least made me feel something. Just like last time, I started shallow and then gradually I will cut deeper and deeper.
People often mistake cutters for attention seekers and while it is true I am posting my picture in a public space, I […]
I feel so alone in a group of people. I dont know what I have become. I used to be so happy all the time. I used to be so care-free. I honestly dont know what happened. Over the course of 2 years I became so cold. I never let people in (in my personal life) anymore. I don’t want to say I have bipolar depression, but I know that is not the case. But there is something different about me. Everyday is a battle for me. It is become such a battle for me to even get out of bed in the morning. I […]
Just posting again cause I’m alive still. Tracking life I guess.
For sometime I believed suicide was wrong and that what they say is true its only for a spell. But I doubt that now, I have watched several videos were people committed suicide and I felt their pain and cried. I guess for so long I thought I was alone and I said nothing but I see we all cry and no one says anything. I think just as we make our path we can decided to leave. No one wants to be alone and hurt, everyone wants to be hugged and loved, but I guess God or whom ever is up their only gave […]
Hi, I am new and suicidle, i want to feel better and I guess the best way is to know some people to talk to, or perhaps do the exit thing together, want something to change in my life, I guess friend matters a lot, been by myself for too long……. Anyone?
A child that has been mentally bullied and raped may fall into depression. Who would’ve thunk that? Well, apparently no one.
My mom was there. I called her to come and help me but she didn’t do anything. Why didn’t you do anything? You could have saved me then and you could have saved me now.
You too, big brother. You’ve been there in your room, ignoring the screaming, turning your music up so you don’t have to do anything.
Dad, you’re excused. You were at the office all day. That’s not the best way to raise a child but you had to make some income, […]
Is it possible for someone to never be happy? If so then I guess that’s me. I found out this morning that my debilitating autoimmune disease is non responsive to current treatment and will require much more aggressive treatment. To do so will require time off from work I don’t have and a loss of income. I can’t pay my rent as it is… I am drowning in debt and I ruined my eight year relationship with my anger and hatred… I am not eligible for help and have no where to turn anymore. I can’t be the reason my kids are homeless again. I […]
I decided to break my silence and apologize to my ex-Boyfriend for being such an overwhelming ***** to him on the day of our breakup. He told me that it’s okay, that he knows I have a mental condition. Mind you, he’s not basing this on anything other than his disdain for me. I was like whatever, though. He isn’t the first to assume I had something wrong with me, so I decided I wouldn’t let it ruin my time with him.
He began to tell me about some app — something that let’s you create an anime thing of yourself. Y’know, he would harp on […]
As some of you know, I tried most, if not all treatments out there… My psychiatrist abandoned me 6 months ago. We had a close relationship so it crushed me. She energized me and inspired me to do things I never had the courage to do myself. She got sick (but us better now) so she couldn’t manage me being suicidal. Even though she said we could reevaluate after 6 months, she won’t respond to my texts, emails or calls. She is really the only hope I had to get better and stay better. I left her a voicemail this morning saying that I will […]
I used to weigh 120 pounds…now I weigh 200 pounds…I gained all that weight in less than a year…My fiance had just recently come into money and I guess you could say “we lived the good life”…since then I’ve had nothing but hate for myself.. I take forever to get ready because none of my clothes fit me and I hate to look at myself…now it’s constantly the center of my fiance and I’s arguments..he just doesn’t seem to understand my pain…I used to get comments like of your pregnant? And oh wow why didn’t you say anything(about being pregnant)…and I wasn’t…the sad part is, […]
I will be ending it once I get some affairs in order, I’ve said it before but I simply have nothing left and am exhausted to the core. Despite everything I’ve never been an evil person and was already suffering badly when you decided to start tormenting me and forming coalitions by deception and hacking tricks to do your best to ruin my life any way you could. I’m tired of living like this, I’m sure after I’m gone you will celebrate that you caused the death of another human being. I may have no accomplishments in my life but that is one I’m glad […]
Never sat down and wrote anything before so I said why not I’m 36 blk m when I write can’t believe I made it this long life hAs not been to hard worked since I was about 22 Always tried to stay stress free just going with the flow of things this last year has been the hardest been out of work about 9 months lost my job like so many others then watched my self fall apart losing everthing but my self now as I watch myself go I guess it will be cool to go out on my own terms giving up […]
Lately I’ve had lots of thoughts about cutting…I’ve never done it before. But I’ve know people who have and they say it relieves their pain and makes them feel better.
I guess the only thing stopping me is the pain. (Ironic that I could try to kill myself but not bring myself to slash my wrist lol right?)
i just want some of my pain to go away. I’ve never been 100% positive about suicide so this sounds good idk.
How bad does it hurt?
I’ve been researching a lot about reasons to live. Not because I have a friend or a family member or even an acquaintance that has decided to take a step towards ending their life but because of the fact that I want to end my life. My extreme anxiety and shyness makes me wonder if my reasons to commit suicide are the same as the general populations–or maybe I’m researching because I can’t decide on one specific reason why all these thoughts haunt me in the few hours I am not forcing myself to take a nap.
Either way, everything I have found so far […]
I’ve come to hate the daylight. As much as I hate loneliness, being alone in the dark late at night feels so much more secure. I guess that is the time when people can’t mess with me as much – they’re all off in their dreams and resting. I don’t sleep much anymore anyway; except sometimes during the day when it serves the purpose of keeping the rest of the world away from me.
It’s a bad thing to do I know. Isolation feeds depression and anxiety, but I know myself well enough to know that I won’t always choose what’s right just because I know […]
Last week I slit my wrists, all the way up my arms, multiple times. Anywhere I saw a vein, I sliced hard and fast. Amazingly it didn’t hurt. Earlier that day I went to the store and bought a brand new kitchen knife, for exactly this purpose.
I’m still alive. I cut myself so badly that I turned my bathtub full of water dark red. I saw the blood spurting out of my veins. I wished for death. Irritatingly, my veins stopped bleeding after only a short time. So I found veins on my legs and ankles to slice up. I’m fair skinned, so finding them […]
I rarely post here, but I guess it’s about time I do.
I don’t know how to describe my life, it’s not gonna come across as a fucked up one to you I bet. My family is supportive in every sense, yes. I could simply go to them in case I ever have a problem, however, I have rarely exercised that option. Passed out of school with grades that could let me have admission in pretty much any commerce college one would want here. Enough buddies to get wasted with at nights. If I need their help, I could call any of them even at 2 […]
Does sadness have an age? Does it mature like wine? Is there a definition for true sadness? I guess sadness is defined within itself. Sure I’m 18 and I can safely say that I haven’t experienced life by any means. That doesn’t really matter though because experiencing this pain is enough. People who try to reason with me never understand. They treat my condition as something that you shrug off because ‘nothing really bad has happened’. That is so far from the point. I’m sure you all understand though, what it’s like to feel so depressed without any reason and that honestly makes it hurt […]
Wouldn’t it be nice to know that there’s someone who loves you and you do the same too for the other? I guess life is only worth living if there’s someone loving you.
“Love is when someone is willing to die for you, willing to kill for you…”
But what do I know? What is love?
Quote: “How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it’s just words.” -David Foster Wallace
I constantly try to get to write something down and when I finally do, I delete it all. (How very unsatisfying.)
Just like my life is unsatisfying. (I really want to delete this too.)
I’m scared of posting stuff. (I want nobody I know to know who I am. At least not my name. They wouldn’t know me any more than that.)
Where is the delete button for my life? (I guess there are actually a lot)
(I think I should just delete this all.)
Oh look! Now that I’ve managed to make […]
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