It has been a while but I guess this was inevitable, I really tried to cut deeper but the knife was just so blunt. I just couldn’t feel the sadness that I know I should feel. I feel so empty and lifeless, this at least made me feel something. Just like last time, I started shallow and then gradually I will cut deeper and deeper.
People often mistake cutters for attention seekers and while it is true I am posting my picture in a public space, I also have no intention of letting anybody in the ‘real’ world find out. I am not wise enough nor intelligent enough to convey my feelings into words but I guess anyone else who is a cutter can probably understand. This is the only way left for me to feel anything or maybe it is the only way for me to release my imprisoned feelings.
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I went deeper than that but not enough to leave scars (well not physical ones anyway). I engraved words into my body. I understand cutting myself but don’t wish it on anyone else.
I also understand. I just never really talk about it. Too many oversimplifications (“teenage emo”) and the same goes for eating disorders: “Boo-hoo I’m ugly and fat so I’ll starve myself to be perfect”, et cetera — Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit..
“Boo-hoo I’m ugly and fat so I’ll starve myself to be perfect”, et cetera — Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit..” Not much understanding there I’m afraid. What do you do if you have a deformity and people take you for a ride, use you, abuse you and then make fun of you? That’s death right there no ifs no buts. I’m good to go and I know how.
No, you misunderstand. I was quoting the ridicule I get for even mentioning I suffer from an ED. I meant to say that not everyone with an eating disorder has low self-esteem issues.
** “The most perplexing thing about anorexia is that every case appears to have been hatched by a slightly different meeting of factors and circumstance. There is no set formula. That’s what makes me so angry when I see people try to explain it away as born of media saturation or thin models or vanity or even that wonderfully clichéd idea of “control”.” **
Okay? (^~^)
Hey @OP, you may delete my comments.
Or maybe I got confused. Hm.
Ok…point taken. For me it’s what people did to me…things I’d never do to them. They killed my kids father and that’s that. But there will be repercussions.
You can’t kill someone and expect to get away with it. The fact I LOVED these people makes it even more of a mind fuck.
@kontinkatink; I read your other posts. (I’m not an “advice guru” around here) sympathy won’t help, but I am sorry for all that happened to you. Heck, sympathy doesn’t do much for me. It’s usually “poor you” and for that, I prefer to keep quiet about myself… also less ammunition for other people to use against you.
cutting isn’t the answer, I’ve tried it, never could break the skin. it takes strength to break the skin, I haven’t got it. You are stronger than this, okay?!
Look, I know life can be a major beat down sometimes(for me it was quite literally when I was a child) and honestly, things won’t get better until you take charge. (I don’t have the strength to do this. 🙁 ) But, you do! You don’t need to use your words to vent the emotions that are bottling inside you, you can always try other forms of art or something that you like. There’s drawing, computer games, video games, movies, exploring the world around you. There’s just so much more to this life than you really seem to understand, suicide is not the right answer, trust me… I know from many personal experiences, true I am planning on my final attempt but, it’s personal… and I don’t want to go into details about it because, they’re irrelevant, this is about helping you! and if you think you need to die or something like that, then know that you are important, you matter, and that there are some people who actually care about you because, if they didn’t, they wouldn’t have left a comment or they would’ve and it’d been harsh, rude, mean, vile and cruel things said about you having done what you’ve done. 🙁 Please, do not turn to cutting as a means of escape. The best thing (in my opinion) to try and avoid the pain, is draw pictures. here, try http://www.deviantart.com/ I’ve got an account on there and will be more than happy to help you understand it more, you can draw all sorts of pictures and post picture’s on there as well, it’s a fairly neat site. (despite some hurtful critics, lol) but, honestly, other than that it’s a pretty nice site. I however write poems, stories and song lyrics all of which, go unwanted and usually get ignored by everyone because, everyone else would SO much rather just look at pictures than read a ton of words, which kind of makes me said because, there’s so few that like reading and so MANY that prefer pictures, videos and photographs over words emotions that have flown from someones beating heart and soul! Please, at least try it, okay? 🙁 Try to lean away from cutting, it’s just going to make things worse. :'(