I’ve made too many stupid mistakes in my 26 years on this earth. There is no way for me to have a normal life any more. I got fired from my job of 8 years and now I cant get hired by any one. My wife works 10 hours a day and I am only working at a shitty temp job 20 hours a week. I feel like im not a man anymore. I just fucked up too many times and theres no way back. There are no second chances. Nothing will ever be the same. I dont feel suicidal yet but in the future […]
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on dec 3rd of 2004 2 years after my grandmother past away and i was dealing with bullies, school, and family problems.My brother just told our parents that he was gay, now you can imagine what mom and dad were going through, well that night they had went out and i was home alone i found a box cutter and hid it in my room. well after mom and dad left i wrote the note made sure i told them i loved them, and i filled the sink with hot water and put both wrist in the water after grabbing the box cutter and placing […]
I was better. I was great. I had friends, lots of them. I felt accepted, I was less anxious. My family was the same, but I can’t change that. I’m not really suicidal now, because I realize the importance of life after my sister suicide atempt. But now we fight, my whole family. They say I’m not socialible, that I’m egotistical, that I’m impossible. They tease and I’ve asked them to stop but they don’t. I’m annoying, I’m conceited and I’m awkward again. I can’t ask a question without scrutiny, and I’m fearful that I’ll disappoint them. But why tonight? Did it build up, their […]
Bieng someone who has struggled with suicidal tendencies up until about 3 years ago, i have attempted suicide at least a dozen times and numerous other careless acts against my body i know the struggles and know that it can get better. I am 21 years old have been severely physically and mentally abused by my father my entire childhood from being and infant till i moved out when i was 18. He has come at me with an axe on several occasions, beaten me with peices of wood numerous times, ( like a 2 by 4) broken my guitar on me,kicked me(normally with his […]
this depression i cant get over. im almost 23 years old n life isnt life anymore. 10 years of this bullshit. numerous attempted suicides. july 5, 2012 i thought was it for me. i had taken 60+ pills. i just didnt care anymore. at one point i had it all. a job, school, living in my own apartment. today im jobless, living at home with my parents who could care less about my problems, and a single parent. that day i woke up and had completely given up on life. i remember the paramedics trying to talk to me. i was to drugged up for […]
I am not happy. I don’t ever really remember a time  I was ever truly happy.  That’s the first time I have ever admitted that to myself.  I talked to my mother last week she said that her children are what give her a reason to fight when ever she feels down. What if  you don’t have anything to make you fight to stay. That’s were  I am in my life right now.  I never loved or been loved, If i was to leave this earth today it wouldn’t  impact any ones life. I could be happy. So when there is nothing else […]
I know it is selfish for me to be jealous of my family and friends that are dating their boyfriends or girlfriends. I just can’t help it. Ever since I fell for you and you decided to rip my heart out I just can’t stand seeing others happy. I mean sure I am really happy for them because I care about them, but I just don’t understand why I’m not happy like them. They have everything going for them and a man or lady on there side. Oh man, how I wish to kiss a boy. I haven’t in so long. I just want to […]
I dont even know where to start. Actually, i do want to start by saying this site and all who do respond and comment have given me strength to try and better myself. Thank you all. But life doesnt like when i start to fix myself, unfortunately.
Today was just so overwhelming. I stopped getting on here for about a wk just to focus completely on me and i thought i was getting better. My husband/fiance whatever told me we had an appt with our counselor and i HAD to go. I didnt want to but i he kept insisting that nothing bad was […]
Has it really been a year? i sit here in remembrance of all that had occurred in one single solitary year. It goes back even farther than that though. 20 years since i was born, 5 years since i had escaped, 5 years since i became trapped, 4 years since i had lived, 1 year since i escaped. 1 year since i became free to live and die in my own way.
Time.
Time is so much more than the essence of numbers. It holds so much more meaning than that itself. Time heals all, time wounds all, time drives one mad, and […]
last night at 4 am i wake up -without any feeling of the usual painful anxious or guilt in my heart ..i had just the usual insane thoughts on my head but without any related feelings nothing special has happened yesterday ,my big problem still there ,and i was not drunk … maybe cause i almost have the exit way in my hand.. anyway it is nice losing the connection between my thoughts andy feelings
I was thinking today of a conversation i had with a teacher of mine a long time ago now. it was a biology class and she was going on about the whole nature versus nurture, i told her at the time that either one on its own is not important, i went on to talk about serial killers, how a partially damaged frontal lobe is an indicator to seriall killers, but i then went on to say that not all people with that type of damage turn out to be serial killers so logically speaking there has to be another facter, how they were nurtured […]
sister became rebellious. i got punished for her actions. moved away to another counrty. dad didnt come with. got bullied at school. girls acted like friends but stole from mw. i switch schools the nwxt year. sister rebells smokes weed and does stuff with a boy. mom hates me . she hits us , and makes us do everything by ourselves. its like we have no mom. at school no one stalks to me for months they think im emo. everything okay for awhile. dad comes home. spends 20000 dolars all of our savingz. on a lady he cheatdd on my mom multiple times including […]
sister became rebellious. i got punished for her actions. moved away to another counrty. dad didnt come with. got bullied at school. girls acted like friends but stole from mw. i switch schools the nwxt year. sister rebells smokes weed and does stuff with a boy. mom hates me . she hits us , and makes us do everything by ourselves. its like we have no mom. at school no one stalks to me for months they think im emo. everything okay for awhile. dad comes home. spends 20000 dolars all of our savingz. on a lady he cheatdd on my mom multiple times including […]
hello as you can see im back… were the hell did evrey one that i knew go :'( help me please
written by why i dont no
ok so i came back after a wile and theres so meny people here i dont know iv just come back outside of a acting jpb that has made me to bisey to check up on people and its all my falt now i think its cos i was in the forcis (dont ask cos im not going to tell) but i feel like ok frends gone… get new frends then i know somewere inside that most of the people i knew are ether dead theres no two ways about that one then theres some who may just be hiding in the depths of the sp and […]
I really dont feel like i have a place in this world.. i was born to die young.. I just know it. I always think of myself and i cant do anything righ, i cant help people in any way.. I always push people away from me its pretty bad.. I just really dont have a talent. Im not smart. I cant write stories i cant sing i cant cheer anymore i messed my knee up. i cant help people out. i just cant do anything right. I dont want anybody to pity me thats the last thing i want.. if anybody watched the twilight […]
everyday … everyday i go into college i feel so judge , that i don’t belong where i am . in my college class everyone has there friends … i do have mine to but they are all older then me by a couple of years but now its got to a point where everyone is turning on me ..i don’t know why or what i have done wrong … i was just being my self i guess . i cant tell my parents or my boyfriend .. not even my tutor , i have given up hope because no will understand, i know […]
this feeling inside the rumbaling under my skin the end less yelling the loss of my sane mind is driving me to my destruchion and end i thought i had goten rid of this it what ever thoughts are inside of me i thought that i was better but all i can feel is down and dark and lowly agggg
or maby im just plane old stupid ugly and mad :/
I know nobody here reads my stuff but i still write hoping it helps my thought process. I told him everything sat night and of course he didnt take me seriously. I even had the gun cocked and ready and he just ignored me then took the gun when i had laid it down because i was crying. The next day he put it back where i had it like nothing happened. Why doesnt anyone take me seriously? Or am i that much of a failure that i really wont succeed in taking my own life either and its that obvious i suck at everything […]
Im writing this letter for me to get my thoughts and feelings out… the person this is meant for will never see this, will never know i wrote this, will never care i wrote this.
Dear abselom,
what can i say we’ve been through alot together. I was there for you when you wanted to end your life. I held you when you cried, i cried with you for you. I tried to make you smile when you were low. I was always by your side i tried the best i could to take your pain away. Then i broke. I was hurting and i finally told […]