My attempt

Hello Valin95. Thank you for sharing this. If you are looking for someone to talk to about it I will try to. I certainly do not or will not judge you in any way. After all, I am hear for my own issues and bet that it would be easier for someone to judge me. I actually had a similar experience and close to the same time as you. I was in high school, 10th grade. so it was 2003 or 2004. I grew up in a not so good situation. I was at school and it was not a fight or anything we were just messing around at the lunch table. Everyone was carrying on and having a good time. I said something to someone down the table and as they were laughing took an empty coke bottle and just threw it my way. It was empty and light, youd never expect anything to happen. It bounced off my forehead i didnt even really feel it and everything was still cool, then blood started running and dripping down my face and onto the table pretty quick like. I just looked down at the table while it bled. After like 15 seconds of everyone at the table getting quiet and staring out of shock and awe, I finally said, “can i get a little help please? some napkins or something? its giong to start running off the table” as it was pooling quite quickly. Someone got some napkins while another went to get someone. still not sure, but the lid was on the bottle and the cut had this tiny zig zag patten in it, so its my opining the corner of the lid is what hit me with the ribbed lines on the side of the top causing that tiny perfect zigzag like patten in the cut. Just had to hit me just right cause it really was not thrown that hard. Anyway. the school nurse decided it was too deep and needed stitches so they called my parents to come get to take me to the hospital for stitches. My mom came. picked me up. She told me dad was upset today and what not. So we went home first. I went inside and he was irate bout what all I do not know fully. Basically it was my fault that my head needed stitches from an empty coke bottle jokingly tossed at me. Said he was not paying for stitches and told my mom to take me back to school. I was mad manly cause he was mad and all over who knew what and why at that time but this is how he was going to treat me. I stormed out and got back in the van. My mom was trying to reason with him as I was leaving. She was inside for a few minutes. Life was not fun hardly to me at that point, everything going on constantly at home, obviously I had some friends at school but for the most part it sucked there too. We had a gun and whenever it was in the vehicle it was in a drawer under the passenger seat. So i opened the drawer and sure enough it was in the van. it was a nickel plated 9mm taurus pt92 model. I had shot it myself several times and knew how it use it and how it worked inside out. Guns were not foreign to us. there where two full magazines with it as well. So i took one and put it in the gun and chambered a round. I held it to my head like you would see in the movies and took the safety off. Everything inside of me wanted to pull that trigger. But i just couldn’t. I was acting more on rage or anger then sorrow right then. My hope that I held onto was that soon I would be out of the house. I heard more yelling as my mom opened the door the house to come outside to the van. I quickly took the magazine out, unchambered the round and stuck the gun and magazine back in the drawer and closed it quickly before my mom got in. the unchambered round was in the floor board so I just kicked it under the seat. My mom gets in and we go to the store and i butterfly the mess out it as best i could and covered it up with gauss and tape and back to school i went. As i reflected back on my emotional outburst I began to realize how foolish that was of me. Not that it was wrong to feel like I did. It was not. Just that a solution such as that was not fitting at that time for what was going on. I began to feel embarrassed about it. I have never spoken of that to anyone at all this is the first time. I just wrote if off I guess. I dunno. But all that to say I can understand a little bit.

What you are talking about happened just over nine years ago close to the same timeframe of my experience above. Are you having problems and wanting to talk about that, or is there something else bothering you? I am here if you want to talk. I will try not to write a book next time I comment 😉