it amazes me how easy it is to fall back into the darkness. one minute i am cruising a long comfortably numb and the next i am making plans to die. i have been crying like someone is turning on a switch. my desire to be alone is strong. from where i am right now i see myself cutting the ties that keep me alive. maybe cutting isn’t the right word. maybe fading away is more accurate. i don’t share the chaos that is going on in my head with anyone. same old shit just different day. the paranoia i feel when i am out […]
Tag:
in my head
Atelophobia: the fear of imperfection, of not being good enough.
Today was great so why do I still feel like a worthless piece of shit? I worry more and more about weather or not I am going to kill myself. I no longer have a happy place to take me away from myself for a while. I feel it is almost necessary now to do it sense everyone is expecting me to. But the secret is I don’t want to die, I want to be happy. I want to wake up in the mornings with a smile and for the voice in my head to point […]
A little about myself.
I’m a 24 year old male from the UK, and I have suffered with depression on an official basis since 2009 after a failed suicide attempt, it began in 2005 I think. I work in food retail (Don’t do it, it’ll make you want to kill people). And I’ve done it for over 5 years.
But what about the title I see you ask, why “Fight or Flight?”
Because I feel it’s the only two choices I’ve got left. See recently I returned to the workplace which was a huge contributing factor to my mental break down I had back in December 2013, the […]
Lately a lot of things have been happing , i have the good moments and the bad moments. for some reason the only thing i worry about or pay attention to is the bad ones. Its gets all stuck in my head and cant get out ! I feel like its carved in my damn head !!
when im alone , or laying down after a bad day. Everything from that day that was bad hits me and thats all i can think about. And I begin t0 cry ! EVERY SINGLE TIME!
catch a falling star and put it in your pocket… save it for a rainy day…
I was always told this.. and through my life I have had plenty of falling stars to catch…
but now it seems like my rainy days are over powering my stars.. im getting thoughts in my head, feelings that I cant be free of, images that haunt me.
I just need something to save me from myself.
Haven’t slept in two days. Not depressed, just I get insomnia sometimes. I lie awake in bed with my eyes closed for several hours until my alarm goes off. So work was hard today. But I love my job. I thought about suicide for the first time in months today, but not with much conviction. I didn’t really want to die, not like before, but it just felt like it would be easier. I’ve stopped feeling depression (along with every other complex emotion) thanks to sertraline. It’s been such a long time since I felt happy our scared or angry or ashamed or sad. I […]
I made a mistake today. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. Today was just another one, an additional one. I had been getting closer and closer, further and further, and I reached it. Not entirely though, it was the beginning of the end. I stopped at the beginning. It would make Him unhappy, completely torn and deeply upset. I love Him. I do. But, sometimes I get frustated in my life. My whole life is filled with frustration, 2/3 of it.
I work, and work. Oh, and wait ! … I work. I go to the university, I go to work, I have to go […]
Give me a sign i want to believe
That life can be better, id do as i please.
With my last dream in my head
My last dream was when i wished i was dead.
Although my dream may not come true
They say follow your dreams and that just what ill do.
I just spent 10 days in the hospital on suicide watch. The only person to see me was my wife and kids. My one friend and that’s it. I laid in bed so alone and upset. Where did I go so wrong in my life. Have a kick ass career and 2 beautiful girls. It all started when I was a kid. My grandmother use to put me in a closet so she could tell my dad I wasn’t there when he came to pick me up. I grew up always wanting my dad and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t there. Than my mom married […]
I hope it’s the same crowd of people. Most likely its not. It’s been almost a year or 2. Oh well, i’d like to continue my story.
I got pregnant in June. At the time it was the worst thing to ever happen to me. My boyfriend and I were fighting and I was thinking about suicide every night. Sitting on the bathroom floor with knees to my chest like in the movies. Bawling my eyes out with him only a room away knowing that he could care less.
I smiled when I saw the pregnancy test. It was all so bittersweet. I always wanted […]
I lay in bed at night thinking of all the words I didn’t say. All the should of and could of’s all followed by didn’t. All these words swimming in my head. The thoughts that never end. Regret fills the voids of this life unlived. A never ending circle of constant reminders that I am nothing
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/10-The-End-of-All-Things.mp3
She lies next to me, breathing softly, quiet whimpers drifting from her mouth as she sleeps, as I am wrapped in a sadness I cannot explain. She makes me happy, she does, but it seems to be more than that and yet, at the same time, less. Inside me, ocean waves pass over my head, tangling me in the current, and I can’t breathe. Tumbled in some form of vertigo in my head, in my heart, while my body lies on the sand, the water barely lapping at my toes.
So what’s wrong? Nothing.
Why, then, do I feel like I’m falling apart on the inside?
I […]
okay well. not to long ago i got raped.
after that day and that day and so forth. people think im taking it well. cuz i dont show affection.
well i do.
in my head i do. im always playing back of what has happened. and it always come put in my head when i dont try to think about it.
one night i just cried. but i hold it in.
i cant take the things back. no one understands. my bf. i cant even talk to him about it. he gets mad and just doesnt wanna listen. and i understand but i need to […]
I had something to say, something clever and witty. Now I can’t even remember what it was. Like I’m losing track of my own mind. I’m good at my job, I think. But today, I couldn’t remember how to do even the basic stuff. And I really want to hit the voice in my head, even though that wouldn’t work, and it’s a stupid idea.
It’s an odd combination for me. It just brings me back to suicideproject, always does. I’ve had ups and downs, times I wanted to live, but also times I wished to die. Regardless of my mood, listening to certain songs always brings me back to that peacefull place in my head. The same part of me that is constantly weighing life against death. The same part that brings me here..
Do you guys have songs like that? songs that just hit through everything and play with your soul?
I wish you cared like you told me you did.
I so desperately want to tell you what’s in my head, how I want to end my life, how all I really want is your help.
I need you, right now. But I’m too scared to let you know.
So many doors.
Don’t know which way.
Nowhere to go.
Nowhere to stay.
I hear voices,
inside my head.
I hear things creeping
beside my bed.
They say i’m different.
They say i’m crazy.
I don’t do anything.
They think i’m lazy.
If hear voices
they give me shots.
Oh so much medication.
Pills? I take lots.
The people in my head,
they give me so much pain.
But now I know the truth.
I have gone insane.
In my home
I share with many,
each person has a room.
For there are always plenty.
We are all so different,
but yet we’re all the […]
Why after all of these years must these thoughts return?
The dark urges screaming for pain,
Begging for the split skin and spilt blood.
Purifying my soul.
Why after all of these years have they returned?
The voices screaming silently in my head,
Screeching their displeasure at my joy.
Burying my pain.
Why after all of these years must they be heard?
The drip, drip of blood spilling on tile,
The scent of it rising in the air,
To cleanse my mind.
so many things
swirling in my head
so many questions
wondering in my head
so many thoughts
drifting in my head
so many secrets
locked up in my head
so many feelings
caged inside in my head
so many wishes
wanting to be real in my head
so many things imagined
wishing to be realistic in my head
so many things
in my head
iv given up on me… simpal as no seciond thought so why am i still alive esey because of jacey i love her so shit i do whant to live but not for me why would any one live for me im ugly skiney fucked up worthless spited me im not worth the shit on your shoe but she shows me this 🙂 and im happy
but i havent herd from her in a bit i konwshes ok but some one till that to the guy in my head… i dont belev in god but i fucking pray for her evrey night kiss the phchure stell […]
Older Posts