My boyfriend even told me I’m a pain in the ass… why are you even with me if I’m that fucking bad… I might as well leave you so your life can improve…
in the
I am ‘the thing’.
Evolve me. Clap- clap. Clap- clap.
From hell. Clap- clap. Clap.
Evolve me. Evolve me. Clap- clap. Clap-clap.
From hell. From hell! Clap- clap- clap!
From hell! From hell! Clap- clap- clap- clap- clap- clap.
Forever and ever. Always and forever.
My name is Nevermore.
I am ‘the thing’. Celestial Slowbro and Golduck.
Only eye-candy. Staryu and Starmie.
Let me be. Let me be. Take me. Pull me.
Oracle, I have monthly bounty.
Let us go, and grow plants and flowers, perhaps.
Let me go train like a fire pokemon. Never end rock pokemon.
Machamp is the champ, he can beat Mewtwo.
I’ve been ‘suicidal’ for awhile. I’ve attempted, been hospitalized, and seen counselors. I never told anyone the real reason, deep down. I told enough to convince people but I was afraid to share the real stuff.
Last night I was writing my suicide note when the closest person in my life, unknowingly, helped me. He started throwing these rubber toys at me and it made me laugh. He’s been teaching me how to shoot rubber bands, too.
But after he went home, and I was there all alone, I knew that I was on the very edge. And one little game wouldn’t take me back to that […]
All I ever wanted to do is be happy. How can I expect anyone to love me if I can’t even love myself.
My life isn’t as bad as some, but that doesn’t mean I am any less dead inside. I have thought about dying since  I was in grade 6. That was before I even knew what the words depression  and suicide meant. I learnt about cutting in grade 8, told myself I would never do it, I thought as soon as I did it would be over. In grade 10 my best friend told me she did it, that’s when I realized cutting didn’t […]
The darkness consumes me
Like an infection to an open wound:
I was never treated,I was never healed.
Scabbing up and bleeding again,
When will it stop, when will it end?
Darkness brings what daylight fears,
The contagious sorrow that I’ve felt for years.
The cries for help, but no one hears.
The lies of smiles, when really I’m in tears.
This terrible free fall I’m in right now:
I’m scared of hitting the ground, but know I never will.
“Just be strong, I need you now” he said..
But where was I?
And why must he be dead..
I don’t understand, I just don’t […]
“But you don’t know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night, scared with the thought of kissing razors”
~Pierce the Veil
Rip, Johnny. Back when Toonami.
In this world, where does a dying stranger go to.
A crew of true camaraderie. Walking in the beat of life, and death.
Don’t forsaken nobody the sound of the ukulele.
Crew, where are you. I need you today.
Now. I need you now. The time when the world reverses.
Back. The hourglass to zero. Now you can walk to the steps of infinity.
Every hit. Every line. Every breath. Praying for my life, to you.
Every day it gets harder. Stuck, the purple muk and weezing.
Will I ever live, forever the steps of doom.
Got to bust a ductrio. Kobra, […]
I don’t remember what it’s like, not to have a scar insight.
Tell me where I went wrong in life.
I don’t remember when I didn’t cry myself to sleep at night.
The nightmares seem to follow me.
I can’t remember a time I was actually alright.
What’s wrong with me?
When did my pain become so visually seen?
The scars are showing my history.
When did my brain turned on me?
I can’t look in the mirror anymore, because i’m afraid of what I’ll see.
Tell me when everyone turned their back on me?
They can’t see the darkness inside me.
When did I […]
Is it okay to post up my email so people can talk to me?
I think lonliness is one of the worst feelings in the universe.
so talk to me : onelongthread1995@gmail.com
I can’t stop cutting myself. I honestly am sitting on my bed with a knife in my hand cutting away at myself like it’s nothing, but I’m used to it. And I’m so sorry, but I have to admit, I like the way it feels. I love the way I feel the shearing pain of blade against skin as the voices that overtake me slowly fade into a whispering echo in the back of my mind. I feel the stickiness of the blood. I can’t stop. I don’t know why I try. No one can help me and I know that. Don’t tell me it […]
I can’t tell people how I feel because of a misguided sense of how they perceive me and because the words that I have, as extensive as my vocabulary is, aren’t up to the task of adequately conveying the feelings I have or the impact they have on me. I am depressed, a condition which has sat in the background of my mind for a great many years and pervades the darkest corners of my conscious and subconscious thought. Why that is and where it comes from is a matter for discussion by people that have given themselves more education into the workings of the […]
im not young. Im over 40. I am married. I have 3 kids, Yet, I am alone. I am an only child. All of my family is dead. I have always been the place everyone comes to when they want something but I have no one. Hell, even my attorney up and bailed on me with no notice. HA! So, here I am. No value, no worth. I am now in the active phase of making plans to ensure the safety to my kids after I am gone.
Why do those who live in the war of staying strong continue to fight if the battle is never ending? Why must you go through so much pain in order to deserve a shred of happiness? Does it end? Is what they say true, that after so long, the striking pain eases? And why do I and so many others, use physical pain to fight off the mental pain? It only helps temporarily, but still, any help is worth my time. Can we just stop all the sadness and live a life of bliss and peace? Or is that too selfish to ask? Why do […]
September 26, 2013
Imagine going home every day feeling terrible about yourself because a boy thought it’d be
funny to start an inappropriate rumor about you. How would you feel if every day you hid up in your
room crying because the girls at school whispered that you were fat, ugly, and worthless? What if you
were so anxious about the outfit you were wearing that took two hours to pick out that you plead sick
and stay home because you don’t want to be laughed at today like you were the day before? Eventually,
you find yourself left with seemingly only one option, it didn’t […]
This year I will be 25. I have been obsessed with suicide since my abusive childhood and have known I wanted to do it at age 25. I was raised with insanely high expectations. Long story short, I was beaten by my parent whenever my grades were below 99%. I wasn’t allowed to have friends. I was timed everyday from when I left to house to when I came home. No tv or phone calls, no christmas presents or magical princess birthday parties. Just school work and sleep. I’ve been punched, kicked, beaten with bats whenever I tried to stand up to my parent. I’ve been called me […]
I started cutting a year ago in March when it happened. I was having a sleepover with my two friends Kiaya and Amanda. We all slept in my bed which was big enough to fit all of us. I was in the middle. I woke up in the middle of the night to whispers from Kiaya. She was talking from the perspective of a guy towards me in a seductive way. I didn’t do anything about it because I wasn’t sure what was happening. That’s when she leaned in and kissed me when my eyes were closed. She stole my first kiss, but that was […]
I keep hearing people say, it gets better or that now I can start over fresh. They tell me to keep my chin up & my nose down. Keep myself busy, focus on work but remember to relax & take some time to enjoy things. They tell me I will feel better soon and the words sting like tiny cuts exposed to the cold black ocean. Every word they utter another crack at my facade & I wonder how much they see. They must see more than I think since most of my conversations end up here. Oh to be like my baby sister who […]
don’ take the things I say personally. I’m just creative writing, in general.
wat up. wat up. wat up. it took a bomb to crack the wall open.
on the other side, do you know? I wish that I could………..
ponder. I need to heal, my sinuses. God, I know you’re there.
in the story of the forgotten, and the forsaken.
the refuge of the messiah, was a dying morlock child. but why.
what does it mean. the ultimate crisis. salvation. mankind.
heal my stricken illness, let me become, the professor.
open my mind. I have done my time.
Xorn and the Genesis. Let me evolve. We can do it. Seraphim.
There are those who die before they’re ready. And there are those who are ready before they die.
Timing is the only problem. I’ve been ready to die for at least 20 years but it hasn’t happened. On the other hand somewhere in the world, someone got hit by a bus and killed 20 years before she would’ve accomplished her life’s work. Oopsie. Life’s a ***** like that.
The best you can do is decide when it’s time to die and immediately make it happen. Those are the only true winners in this world.
Even if I am
1. The richest person in the world
2. Most intelligent being
3. Great leader
4. Influential human being
5. God
6. Go to mars along with best of breed human beings
I still be suicidal for no reason.