She felt alone inside her mind. It was her darkness that consumed her, she never had the switch to turn on the light. It’s that kind of gleam, that is seen in the eyes of the happy. She craved for it, ever since was 11 when she realize everything is a mess. Happiness has been her birthday wish every year. On her 16 birthday, she didn’t wish for a car, it was to be happy like before. Her friends never knew that she was depressed and suicidal. It was like she was in her own play. She does her hair, makeup and costume to act […]
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in the
I guess life never was that lively after all.
Everything feels so strained and useless.
I drag dulling razors over my skin, just for a taste of existance. Just to fucking feel. I need to know I’m still alive. I’m breathing but decomposing inside. I cannot see any point anymore. Better off taking some asprin and cutting in the bath. Because I’m completely over all this. I’m over blood clots, I’m over this numb base line seeping farther and farther each night, I’m so fucking over all of it.
Sidenote: This will be cross posted on Reddit.
Like many of you, life has slowed from a run to a crawl. I’m 18 years old. For many reasons ranging from my intelligence(or lack thereof), my family and my looks, I’m warming to the possibility of killing myself sometime in the near future. The main reason I suppresses my suicidal tendencies is because of, you guessed it, my parents. They’ve worked inconceivably hard to allow us to live as comfortably as we do, or as they do. I’m not going to lie to you all, I’d be considered upper-middle class in the American Northeast, with tuition fully payed […]
Its coming up to 4-years sense we lost you bro I miss you so much, So much as happened in that time most off it as been for the bad after you died watching you take your last breath killed me inside.  it was not long before you Nan and Granddad went I’ve lost so many loved ones I could no longer cope with day to day I lost so much my job my home most off my mates don’t want know anymore and the man I was meant to marry but life like that it gives and takes just seems it takes more […]
CD 1, Track 5. On media player sounds better. Will I ever in optimum sound. Let’s come get it.
by Bisban
written by Bisban
Abra. The sound of peace.
A Gengar, in a speed of chaos.
Cosmic Cain, and Cosmic Abel.
Humanity. Oh, humanity.
Chapter one of God, yet to be written.
The New Age Bible, speak of today’s devil.
There once was a crusade. Long, long ago.
The belief lost, but a child to believe.
The story… Of the unknown.
God; resuscitate, in the name of Death.
Chapter One, of God.
.. “Chained,” there once was an iron horse. He was born, in the world of Cain. Wishing, for only to rest.
it’s an interesting genre of music, but this is my favorite song within it.
As a sufferer of bad GAD and social anxiety, having to ride the bus out to college was extremely stressful and at times distressing as my anxiety would flare up real bad. But this song helped me at least enjoy the view out the window in the early morning with the sun painting the sky a brilliant orange. Unless it was winter. Then the sky was shitty and black.
Lol, well, I hope you at least enjoy this song.
No more CD’s. A newfound album; That’s how the song started. And then it got beautiful, And hell, back and forth… Wishing to ride the beautiful one, like a Yoshi…***
by Bisban
written by Bisban
The corridors, of that black nightmare. When your soul was raped, in your death.
The sound of the devil, was the first line. In the background, a Mega Man. Shooting his blast, his color is blue. The music alters, I speak it’s colors. In the name of death, I seek for Mary, and the celestial. The child, that will teach humanity.
Mother. There used to be a cosmic warrior. The music suddenly turns so beautifully.
Saying the words “if.” Goddess, with her Trident. A base so that I may heal.
Like the celestial child of celibacy. Away from the apolypse. Gather our warriors.
Shepherd, the […]
Afraid that I’ve gone hacked, by some fragged fuck.
FBI of shit, erasing my lines. Upper-cutted in the ass by the devil.
Their horizons as far as chicken brain. They call em’ the Chicken heads.
Their blood are black. The witches. The voodoo. Calypso.
Back of the day, of ancient ancients. She saw the black blood.
And life, was dying since day one.
Hey… Spirit of the World, crew of the Black Pearl.
Give me an eye up in this *****, and say “I,” if you’re here.
Calypso, oh Calypso. Crying, in the world of abyssal.
My sister of blood… Our dying blood. She screams for […]
I cut while taking a bath tonight for the first time. For some reason it was so much better than cutting dry. The blood swirled around in the water, seeping from my skin. It was beautiful. I was almost hypnotized by it.
Also, nothing is better than going to bed with fresh cuts I’ve decided.
For my dear Jeff…gone 16 years today – he couldn’t beat the demons of depression and addiction. He was one of those incredibly beautiful people who was damaged and defeated by users, who ultimately tossed him aside when addiction took his physical beauty. Rest my dear one…we will be reunited in the not-too-distant future.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdO6mW_B34M
Two days ago I did my first “test”.In other words I just checked everything in order to assure I’ll be able to commit suicide in the day I chose.I highly recommend those ones who are planning to kill themselves to do a “test” first.For example, my parents had went out when I was testing and I thought I was alone, but suddenly a neighbour came in and I almost got caught trying get the gas tank to my room (In our neighbourhood things work like this, everyone can enter the other’s house and just say : “I’m coming in!”.We’re big friends).So, the gas tank contains […]
The last attempt of broken Cyborg, in the voice of Cyborg; 200 years later.
by Bisban
written by Bisban
Wonder-Woman. Flash. Green Lantern. Batman. They all fought, when it blasted down to Earth. We were all waiting for that sound. It was bound to hit during the summer, through the oracle’s guide. It was crazy, man. I’m telling you. With the powers and magic of Zatana, and others of the highest kinds. We were able to slowly evacuate the civilians in circumference, the city area, as much as we could, but not everyone was safe, the city cluster was much too vast. For it was foretold of the exact area in location where it would hit down. The “Central City.” Of mass. In his name […]
Don’t have a headache but took two headache pills that contained aspirin in the hopes of maybe thinning my blood some before I cut. I didn’t last night, but I’m going to do some experimenting tonight.
Doubt it’s gonna work and I’m gonna get globs of coagulated blood on my arm again.
Ah well. I’ll just take some more next time. Then more. And more. Then sit in a nice hot tub. And sleep.
You know what’s funny is my friend texted me today saying her boyfriend is having suicidal thoughts and I’m over here trying to give advice like a damn hypocrite. I told her a […]
Le Bettle.
The Ancient.
Into the dust. Millenium, this rust.
The Sphinx, of the Atlantis. God.
In the shape of Dog. What such life.
Lucifer has you by the ball. The horn penetrates.
Into the world that makes no sense.
Battle-cry. Battle-cry. Warriors of Atomic Era, tally zero.
We have already lost the countdown, thousands and millions.
The Devil in the ass. Fuck you, ************.
FBI, save my ass. Be a good cop. Be a good man.
Be a good shepherd. The blue assistance is dead.
Holy… Getting fucked in the ass. You let yourself and your mother.
Hey, that’s not how I wanna end, the night; […]
I could seriously just end my life, just like that. Nothing’s stopping me, not even the words of my ”friends &family”. All I see is pain. Give me a break you deluded, sellf-servant prick. If you really believe in the words that you preach, get off your screens and onto the streets! Ahhh Bring Me The Horizon always has the right words… Yet people succeed flawlessly into ignoring people who have the right words. They don’t care about nothing but money anymore and it saddens me, even scares me. This world is a waste, humans have destroyed it, well most of it. There are still […]
So I have a friend who is in all honors classes and she acts all preppy and nice and innocent but when she gets around me she acts her true self (cursing, talking shit, laughing, making jokes you know the normal stuff us teens do). So we were in school in the hallway and she cursed and one of her teachers walked by , so she ran around the corner hiding to make surehe didnt know it was her. As she was running she told me not to say her name outloud because she didnt want her teacher knowing it was her who cursed and […]
People have little choice over the circumstances they are born into- even less do we have a choice about being born in the first place. Life and its trials are unceremoniously thrust upon us.
Most people, if asked, would not want to end their lives. Sure enough, time inevitably breeds vanity as a survival mechanism in all of us.
It is a very different question to ask if someone would’ve preferred not to have been born at all. Many people who are not suicidal would still, if they had the power to turn back time, wish to prevent their birth.
To me this speaks of a fundamental lack […]
Okay… abyssal. My atomic cry. You, reader; unknown other champion of the “Present.” Your saber of light will ingnite, or let me die. Whoever you may be, in the land of Gotham City. Light to the light, reaching to the outers limit. Dr. Faith.
by Bisban
written by Bisban
No more herb, and forever.
No more green ignition. Will the Joker have the last laugh.
I, versus Lobo’s chain and Deathstroke’s Claymore.
Back to the place where “simple,” beaten to a bloody death.
Attempting words, into the lost façade. Fade. No echo.
The cry of the millennium.
In arms chain, and iron mask. A bodied spirit.
The Lucifer. Crucified upside-down.
The Bringer Of Light. The hidden suffer. The secret truth.
A sad child of Satan world. This is the voice of the “New Age,” dying.
The preach, sabotaged.
My humble children. Our mothers of life.
Change, why does it not. Grace is dead.
The truth, […]
(I addressed this to a friend. The thing is, I won’t send it to her. I want it to be read, though, so please do.)
Read this in a place and time where you can handle an emotional outburst. You can’t know how sorry I am for burdening you with this, but you deserve an explanation.
If you feel guilty at this for any second, I swear I will haunt you for the rest of your life.
1/13/14. I have no idea what you were doing that day, but you might remember it by receiving a somewhat suicidal message from me. You texted me later, and I eventually […]
I won’t die until late August, but this is the note for when I do. I need to share it.
My suicide note (In preparation for the inevitable. In preparation for the end of the story that has been embedded in my genes since I was an infant):
They say life is a bad joke. They are wrong, it is a good one. When we were little they told us that we were special. That we were unique. That we were all winners. That we mattered. That there is justice in the universe. That we were lucky enough to be born in the greatest country in the […]