I am new to the site as a member but I’ve read through many posts throughout all my dark times. This will be my first and only post. It is my way of saying good bye. I cannot handle the pain any more. Ever since I was 12 I’ve thought of suicide. Each year that goes by it gets stronger, darker, and harder to cope with. Now that I am almost finished with college, I have realized how unfit I am for this life. The stress, the expectations, I just can’t do it. I’m such a shitty waste of space and a burden to everyone […]
I guess you could call this a suicide note without the suicide. Maybe an explaination of why I’m so unhappy all the time and pray for a knife-wielding to randomly slit my throat so I can escape this hell.
I know, and have known for a long time, that I don’t fit in with this world. I don’t agree with most of what human beings do and I don’t enjoy what normal people do. I hate alcohol and drugs and the effect they have on people but I hate the selfishness of human beings and the pain that this causes.
This world should be a great place […]
So I’ve been seeing this therapist for a year and it’s in the public sector and free. Just recently been told my time is up with her. IM GUTTERED AND DEVASTATED to say the least!!
I shared so much with her my past traumas as a child then adult. That no one knew about. I could tell her anything. She listened she cared. I’m in so much pain that I’m losing her out of my life. Can’t imagine not having her it’s causing me huge suicidal thoughts. She trumps my own family and friends. She means everything to me.
I have huge attachment problems with people and […]
“You’re a piece of shit. Put that gun to your head.” My thought processes throughout the day rarely changes.
(Disclaimer I’ve never had the ability to eloquently convey in words my thoughts and opinions. So I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I tend to jump around a lot. I just need an outlet)
I might focus on work or whatever but like a background noise it’s consistently making it’s way ever present. The only reason I don’t kill myself is because of my family, I have the most incredible family in the world. Yet, I’m barely apart of it.
My siblings are all so close but […]
Trying to tell myself not too.
This weekend is Easter and I’ll be visiting my family so it isn’t the best time to cut.
But every time I stop working or go to take a break it’s all i can think of.
There is just a quiet little voice in the back of my mind reminding me.
But i know it will only feel good for the fist few seconds.
Then I’ll cry and regret it.
Like I do every time.
so long to all my friends everyone of them met tragic ends with every passing day i be lying if i didn’t say that i miss all to night and if they only knew what i would would say if i could be with you tonight i would sing you to sleep never let them take the light behind your eyes one day ill lose this fight as i fade in the dark just remember you will always burn as bright be strong and hold my hand time becomes us, you’ll understand we’ll say goodbye today and sorry how it ends this way if you […]
I am 45 years old; I gather that I have thought about ending my life since the age of about nine. Never mind that most “normal” kids never think about killing themselves ever. To ponder suicide on a regular basis since you were in grade school seems a burden that no God should place on a person.
I have no will to accomplish anything. I feel very little except disgust about myself. Counseling rarely helps; I am such a people-pleaser that I seek to say whatever I think will make my counselor feel he/she has done a good job for the day. That’s jacked up, I […]
Well this is something new for me. I have never posted anything like this before. Im not sure why. My life doesnt seem terrible by any means compared to some of the things Ive red on this website. I have a supportive family, friends who care about me very much. I am an educated individual who served in the military and holds a good job now. Then why may I ask do I struggle every single day with ending my life? The last 4 months have been a 180 degree change. I lost the love of my life through my own faults and coming to […]
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
I believe I have served my purpose. Natural death is just that, natural. It would be romantic if we died after having served our purpose so we could go peacefully knowing the suffering will end. However, because death can happen at anytime we could serve our purpose and suffer worthlessly for years only to die unhappy and confused. Some people are destined to be great and lead wonderful successful lives, not all of us are that privileged.
After having been medically discharged from the military just short of completing basic training due to an eye disease I cant control I no longer have anything to push […]
March 26th has come and gone…..and I’m still here, feeling old, fat, ugly and a worthless failure. My family has been so sweet and kind…..but I cannot seem to draw from that. I didn’t get to visit the Golden Gate on “my” day. I’ll have another opportunity to do so on 4/2 when I drive my nephew back down to the bay area. I’m supposed to continue on to Los Angeles but I intend to go to the bridge instead. We need to “visit” with each other.
60 years and a few days old now. I am destined to be alone. And I am so tired. […]
Does it seem unfair that most of us are born into emotional debt? Our parents love us from before Day One, and thereafter we can’t unlive, or live unwell, without hurting them – not to mention those whose love we accrue over the following years. Being loved is a blessing, or so I hear, but it’s also bondage.
Sometimes I want to kill myself out of protest, but: 1) even depressed and anhedonic, I know that hurting those who love me is wrong; 2) it’s possible that I chose to be here and accept this debt; and 3) the One I’d be protesting against would likely […]
Let me tell you a story.
In the little town of Chaonite there are little minions called Chaonites. There is a group of Chaonites called Chrischaonites and they claim to know the one and only truth. They say that machaonites can only fuck fechaonites, and fechaonites can only fuck machaonites. Everything goes according to plan until one day, a fechaonite desides she wants to fuck another lovely little fechaonite. The Chrischaonites don’t like this, not one bit. They tie up this strange evil fechaonite and process her in their holy slaughterhouse, where the blood is drained out of her pretty body and mixed with sugar and put […]
What’s the difference with someone saying and being suicidal to someone who just says what the fuck I want to not endure no more pain and just does it. Like thank fuck I can vent because I’m soo suicidal. I’m in the not care stage can’t see any way out and time will just make me worse and worse and worse until I can’t cry become emotionless and not feel or care for anything. Fuck society just fuck society. When I had a psychotic break I swore at a police officer well actually i called him a pedofile but i was mentally deranged out of […]
I got dependent on benzos through sheer stupidity (lots of anxiety that I could have handled without meds). Was very careful in the beginning about using them, but it escalated as stresses got worse. Now I can barely leave the house, haven’t worked for 3 months and don’t stand a chance of going back. I can barely sleep. I’ve tried tapering the benzos and getting off of it, but haven’t had much success or enough supply, The doctors are not supportive.
I do have a will to live, but with not being able to go back to work, borrow money or medical support to get off […]
oh dear Alice do not spam the board
well fuck im bored
i told them not to let me in
i told them not to let me in
oh why did you let me in
ill lie while i grin
ill spit in your face
ill wipe shit all over the place
i wont piss in the corner ill piss on your food
hey, its a fair warning dude
oh alice why are you so punk?
***** its because im full of spunk
alice why are you so weird
because madness it cant be cured
alice why are you so strange
buddy its because im deranged
alice why are you a freak
because ill fuck you while you are asleep
piss off guys
Here I am- again. Oh woe.
…. You know, it isn’t even that I really want to die anymore, or that I don’t want to be here, or that I’m thoroughly sick of it all yet again. It isn’t that I’m done with life or trapped in despair or mired in the worry I like to pull from molehills; it isn’t anything, really.
I’m…. just kind of tired. At this point, after everything, it isn’t that living doesn’t seem at least a little worth it. It doesn’t seem impossible, hopeless, or crushing, it seems doable and enjoyable and maybe something that I could manage to be […]
Whatever it or they may be.
Model ships, history, reading, drawing, photography, design, walking, jogging. There is a lot out there on offer. We cant be wallowing in self pity. We need to try and find ways to keep on, keep trying, keep investigating.
You never know whats around the corner. Could be the start of an exciting and prosperous life, or it could be more struggles and bullshit, but we wont know if were not here to see it.
I love music. Im always talking about it, listening to it, embracing it. Theres something out there for us all. That one thing that makes life worth trying […]
Thought I’d share this…I was extremely depressed at the time, suicidal even. But mostly I wrote this for fun.
The following is a short story I wrote just for fun. It’s a true story and it’s about myself. If you’re bored, go ahead and take a look. I think that if you’ve ever tried online dating you’ll be able to relate. This is sometimes how it feels…
I’m not used to this kinda thing, you know. Not at all. I’m pretty nervous, in fact. I’m nervous because she lives in Bolingbrook and I live in Chicago, and I’m meeting her for the first time at her house.
I’m […]
Yeah. Okay. I have a thing for roses.
Dear ex who’s name I will not reveal. Lets call him Jeff.
Dear Jeff,
Does love mean practically stalking someone and trying to guilt them into being with you? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. I attract some Really clingy men and I’m just not an overly affectionate person. I don’t want to stand in the middle of a store and do things that make people question how long […]