i feel so disappointed with myself. i have completed nothing in my life. im not good at anything not art not band nothing at all and it freaks me out. just thinking of what i have to do just to be an adut i feel so lazy for a long life
so ever since i was young i always remember my dad hitting my mom for… well? i guess cheating and i always saw him hit her, i would hear her screaming and crying then after that he would yell at me and my sister for dumb shit. he used to hit us badly with a thick leather belt that would leave marks on our legs and back sometimes buries.i was always scared to call the cops and the fear of my siblings being taken awake and separated into different foster families. it kept going for many years. i always loved my mom and felt sorry for her. one day when i was in a mental hospital for attempted suicide. i came home and couple of months have passed i found out that she had sex with my boyfriend. i found out on valentines. it broke of i had pain in my chest and the pain of wanting to cry and scream. my mom and my boyfriend where close to me and where always there for me. i wanted to kill myself. when i was younger i was raped twice by my cousin and my cousin’s cousin. being screamed at mentally breaks you.
the first day i came back from the mental hospital i was being screamed at by my dad. he wanted to know why i would do that and it cause me to have an anxiety attack and i was freaking out! i never told this to my therapist, i want to so bad but i cant not yet.. anyways that’s only a small chunk of my story… today i want to go into a coma so badly. i have been thinking of taking my Trazadone to put me into a deep sleep. i plan to do it this summer. i ask my friends for some advice but they ingnore me and give me the same damn advice and only because i never told them the full story..
so long to all my friends everyone of them met tragic ends with every passing day i be lying if i didn’t say that i miss all to night and if they only knew what i would would say if i could be with you tonight i would sing you to sleep never let them take the light behind your eyes one day ill lose this fight as i fade in the dark just remember you will always burn as bright be strong and hold my hand time becomes us, you’ll understand we’ll say goodbye today and sorry how it ends this way if you promise not to cry then ill tell you what i’ll would say if i could be with you tonight i’l;l sing you to sleep never let them take the light behind your eyes i will fail and lose this fight never fade in the dark just remember you’ll always burn as bright … this song keeps me going
I’m pretty sure half of us Ben to a mental hospital or asylum. I already went back like twice I feel as if I’m going to go back again and I don’t know what will happen. I just wanna be in a coma for 3 years or something like that advice?
All my friends are gone what do I do now? They ignore me think that I’m always just bitching I went to the mental hospital twice do I have to go again? My dad gets pissed at me.. If I do
I always play out something in my head like for example, if I imagine myself going to my room to put curtains up I imagine seeing a face in the window… But I never see them just imagine them and it’s always the same monster just different at times.. It’s always a white face or mask with black hole for eyes or just souless pitch black eyes or something on the stair case… Someone touching my feet when I’m a sleep or when laying in bed i imagine seeing a shadow crawling around on the floor.. I get sculed at for leaving the lights on when I sleep… So what now? I imagine them not see them is this what depression doing or my anxiety.. I’m paranoid… I’m 16
I tired of life of my family and I have no one they are never there for me and I’m sick of it I’m always confused and scared to die because of hell… But whats a quick way to die but nothing like stab myself in the gut just quick and easy
It’s a funny question.
I question myself if I am suicidal … I’m diagnosed with major depression impulse control disorder and anxiety. But when I got discharged from the hospital again my second time I was okay… But after a couple of weeks so many people weren’t there for me.. I feel no need to live, because I’m not important… I also don’t want to go back to the hospital again and I don’t want attention I’m just tired
So many time since heard that people who cut are dumb emotion faggots… Sick of it! It makes my gut turn.
I still do cut and it’s a pleasure…not for attention…. Well all heard this over and over what do I do?
Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you down and out
It’s where you ought to stay
Well after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar’s just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up while you can, whoa whoa
When you go and would you even turn to say” I don’t love you like I did yesterday”?
I feel so many people abandon me… Thinking I want attention, but ever day I feel a little bit more certain to make the choice to kill myself . many people say….”you still have me” but they are never there for there word or me