Joining the suicidal project not because I am suicidal God knows Iv’e never been ballzy enough to even atempt. However, these dark thoughts have haunted me and I’m completely lost in the problems of child hood and self demolition. I have became who I’ve never wanted to be like my father… and i am scared to be come what my biggest fear my mother. Anyways here I come , just another dark post.
in the
Dire deepest in darkness
I have no more left
Is there only one left
Who am I and who are you
Are you from the underworld
Indeed we are from hell
But there is only one
Heaven is lost on Earth
I am the Spawn, I am here to save
The chain, one thousand year
First I need to die
In your black robe, can you be
For me, The light and the scythe
I’m new to this site because I’ve not really had reason to seek it out until recently. I’ve lurked quietly and read peoples’ stories because I found a sense of catharsis from witnessing and understanding that I’m not the only person who can feel this low. I think my story won’t be popular or creative and some may even scoff at me and think I’m a spoilt brat, but it’s my story and my life and it feels very real to me.
I’m a 21 year-old male, I grew up in a fairly privileged household where my parents provided materially but were never emotionally there. They’re […]
Why does no one go into a dangerous situation like climbing mt everest or one of those, just bring everything you’d need as far as food and water to get you as far as you could go and just start walking? Eventually you might reach the area of lower atmosphere whete you are happy and cant think straight, this would certainly be where you die, if you hadnt given up before then. What am i not seeing? Isnt this a viable suicidal venture? Please suggest and respond
“539 Everlast”
Spectral I will never arrive
But will you for me if you saw me
Does it but would it matter
The way that I come
Only my backside facing to you
I only want to look up to the sky
I was a natural prodigy at hockey
Super-Man all the way
The fresh air and trees, take me
That is all that I want
To look up and stare at the moon
The stars in the sky that you are
The imagery, child in beautiful room
I love toys and everything
As we all know, plenty of aspects of life aren’t very easy to handle. But I learned that through difficulty there is greater strength to gain alongside experience and maturity. Sometimes I wonder why is it that if you are in the middle of one of life’s struggles, it becomes difficult to believe in looking at that bright side. How come the obvious light at the end of the tunnel becomes so faded and unbelievable when one is basking in depression?
It’s quite scary because during this dark time it’s so easy to forget that everything will be okay. What if I become so convinced […]
Have you ever met that one person you just can’t stop thinking about? Well, i have. And in my case it suck balls. So, let’s start evert ‘good’ story as it always starts, with alchohol.
It was in the summer, in the local park everyone was drinking, everything was great. I was there with my friends, wich i now got and they are the best. But that dosen’t matter, because this is about a guy that haven’t felt love in many many years. Let me give you some bavkground. Okay, so there was this 14 year old, and that boy met a girl when he started […]
Question for people who tried to commit suicide: What did you think at that time?
This is a question for people who tried committing suicide, but whose attempt failed.
I’ve heard that when people try jumping to their deaths, they “immediately regret the decision as soon as they are in the air.”
If you’ve tried this method, did you feel “Oh my gosh, I shouldn’t have done this?” Or “I’m so glad I’m doing this.”?
Do people “immediately regret their decision”, when they try other methods, such as cutting, hanging, or taking pills or poison?
If you’ve tried committing suicide, I’m just curious to know what was going through your mind when you had already begun the attempt.
Was it like “Oh no, I’ve made […]
I should be dead by now. But I’m not. Why? Because of him. One person. There are so many people in the world and he had to come into my life. I cannot understand what he saw in me and what he apparently still sees in me. I love so many other people but I was willing to leave it all behind because I just couldn’t be happy anymore, but now I am. I haven’t been in love in years. I fell in love with him as quickly as I made the decision to end my life. I don’t get why this happened. I don’t get it.
I […]
I feel that my life was mostly pointless because I could not live to the fullest at all because everything costs money, and people have to like you so your life is easier. So most of my childhood it was extremely lonely I had no friends and I got bullied everyday I think that pretty much tells me I had no place in this world cause I didn’t matter to anymore infact people wanted me gone. they didn’t care when I got hurt on the playground, when I got punched, when I threw up in class, I was so alone. When I was in the […]
Playstation, deep devastation
Manifestation, a true hell
Do you know what the darkness
The book, the story, supreme chain
The age and a child, blood of binary
My deteriorating rotting flesh
Sacred asphyxiation, spiritual cruxifiction
I wear a mask and I’m a goddamned pirate
The clay in the face, need to detoxify
Back seven years and purist in the sun
Who are you, what if you were I
Me, now, my unfathomable cape of suffer
Eternal, fated, I’m here to save the world
Can I burn a fire and you be the dynamite
Can I roll out tonight, in my white robe
Down under, gate thirteen
I feel so alone in a group of people. I dont know what I have become. I used to be so happy all the time. I used to be so care-free. I honestly dont know what happened. Over the course of 2 years I became so cold. I never let people in (in my personal life) anymore. I don’t want to say I have bipolar depression, but I know that is not the case. But there is something different about me. Everyday is a battle for me. It is become such a battle for me to even get out of bed in the morning. I […]
Also known as “manifestation”.
I have known a few people over the past few years that actively practice these “principles”. Most of them appear to be doing just what they want and are wildly successful. You may have seen accounts on the internet about people like this that seem to have everything they want with little or no real effort. Of course that is their take on their situations so it’s a bit difficult to determine what may be reality vs. simply their perception. I mean, I have also known people that dug up and fixed broken sewer pipes for a living and that were […]
I’ve been trying to meditate recently to clear my mind of suicidal thoughts. I plan on doing it in the next six months. But, in the meantime, I’ve got to get some stuff in order. I don’t want to live the next few months planning out my suicide. I want to live well and try new things before I die. And hell, maybe, just maybe, one of those new things will lead to something that makes me want to live again?
So I read that meditation can help with suicidal or obsessive thoughts. I decided to try it out. But I just can’t do it. I […]
Well, they wanted to throw me into the bin. Can’t blame ’em. I think it’s in the psycho protocol that when a patient tells you he’s gonna do this three days from now, you’ve got to report him. Of course, I was talking bullshit. I know nothing will happen on Wednesday. It will be like any other day, at least, on the surface. No one in my house will overdose on pinkies on Wednesday. Only on fucking blues.
I’m tired of being ignored, If I offed myself tommorow no one would care. Life would go on and I would be dead. My friend’s would grow up get jobs start family’s , while I would rot underground. But my soul already rots above ground. The pain of everyday is overwhelming. And more I think of my death. I hope it’ll come soon I want to be remembered though famous or infamous so I am no longer ignored. The one girl I love is trying to kill herself and I can’t save her. Because I’m in the background ignored.
people in school thinks im the happiest girl in the world, but honestly, i am not. at home, i am the reckless one. i have 4 siblings. i’m the middle child. all of them feels so loved and appreciated while im here picking up all the hand me downs and the things left for me. i am always the “target” of my mom. when my big brother fails a quiz, she doesn’t get mad at him, but instead she supports him and allow him to party anytime he wants and gives him anything he wants. same goes to my sister and brothers. me? she scolds […]
Fuck depression sucks big time, the only time I’m not depressed is when I’m drunk or asleep.
Take me to a better place lord I want out from my illness. Doing it as soon as I save up for an older style car. The pain free way until then, living out this rotten existence is the only way.
I can’t even get a job no motivation and when I did all I had was an increase in voices through the radio. Thought I was tough living as a schizophrenic but I’m not can barely function and all I want is alcohol and tobacco to make me feel […]
But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to your head… And would anything matter if you’re already dead?
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said? Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained… And in saying you loved me, made things harder at best, and these words changing nothing as your body remains,
and there’s no room in this hell, there’s no room in the next, and our memories defeat us, and I’ll end this direst.
So, life has been shit. And apparently, even though I’m working my ass off at my job 5 days a week, short shifts of 6 hours a day, and looking for another job on top of this one, the universe has decided to piss all over me, still.
When will it end?
November 2013: my husband passed away. To this point I was a housewife. Inherited $25,000 of debt.
November-January: Slip $5-6000 more into debt due to final expenses, bills, etc. New debt total: ~$30,000
January 2014: facing homelessness, dad and step mother take me in with multitudes of “conditions”
January-March: Broke beyond belief, being treated like a slave in […]