I’ve been trying to meditate recently to clear my mind of suicidal thoughts. I plan on doing it in the next six months. But, in the meantime, I’ve got to get some stuff in order. I don’t want to live the next few months planning out my suicide. I want to live well and try new things before I die. And hell, maybe, just maybe, one of those new things will lead to something that makes me want to live again?
So I read that meditation can help with suicidal or obsessive thoughts. I decided to try it out. But I just can’t do it. I try to concentrate on my breath, but suicidal thoughts keep hijacking me. They are constant. I might get five seconds of clear concentration before the thought of suicide occurs again.
On top of that, I think that my new antidepressants are messing with my brain chemistry. I keep feeling these mini vibrations, almost like a mild electrical shock, in my brain. My head is constantly pounding with my heartbeat and I feel constant massive head pressure. I literally can’t maintain a relaxed facial expression anymore because my brain hurts too much. The feeling of head pressure and the electrical shocks have merged together with the suicidal thoughts. The head pressure/shocks reminds me that I’m going to kill myself. It makes meditating physically impossible.
Damn. No escape. Except death.
5 comments
About a month ago I started meditating too. My psychologist pushed me to do so. Once I closed my eyes I couldn’t concentrate for even three seconds. My mind raced me and I got frustrated too. I told my psychologist and she said there is no failure in meditating, because there is no success in meditating. Apparently, meditation is about giving yourself a break. Whether you’re counting your breathe or thinking suicidal thoughts, you’re meditating. It’s about breaking the barriers that rise in your brain automatically, and letting the river of thoughts flow.
I’ve studied the conscious-unconscious mind relationship for a long time. The impact or the result of meditation is different for everyone. The “letting go” part is the biggest barrier to overcome but it can be done. The best way I have found to overcome barriers to meditation is to use guided imagery or hypnosis. I don’t mean the “Svengali” kind of hypnosis; a good guided meditation audio file is a really good way to get started.
Look for relaxation mp3’s by Kelly Howell – she combines guided meditation with binaural beats which I have found to be really effective. A web search will net lots of free or demo files you can try to see if it works for you.
– peace
sorry to hear that.something similair happened to me when i quit taking an antidepressant called Lexapro, without tapering down and i was told by a psychiatrist i wasnt supposed to do that but those shock like things gave me a bunch of panic attacks and it was awful sorry to hear your going through this. hope you feel better
i’m interested in meditation as well good luck in finding something that works well for you
Just read about the shock thing last night when I was researching side effects coming off Cymbalta. One site said it is a minor seizure. Maybe get it checked?