I am a hopeless romantic. I see so much beauty in the world, in so many things. I can’t enjoy most of it, but I can see it’s there. One example that may seem a bit odd is jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. As a jumper in the USA that is the dream. It’s just so perfect. So many people before have done it, and so many more have failed at it. The idea of all of those success’s waiting for you at the bottom. A mere 220 feet to join them. The thought of it is so peaceful. The problem is location. It’s […]
in the
so i burned myself the other day feel like doing it again cause im not satisfied with the amount of damage.school is also tommorow dont know why im trying again at something im bound to fail at.I want to do good but you cant live in the world if you dont want to live in the world.
I do have good reasons for wanting to leave.My whole family is alive and i dont want to watch them die in the next ten years.I want things to like pause forever and the only way i can do that is by dying.this world is crazy nobody is […]
I feel like I’m literally the worst person in the world. I look at myself each day in the mirror and resist the urge to punch my reflection into a bunch of tiny pieces. Nobody really cares about me. I guess I don’t really care about them, either. But that’s not true, because if I didn’t give a damn about anyone, I’d be dead right now. I’d be able to do this, and never have to worry about anything ever again.
I’m mean to others. I told my ex-Boyfriend that I hoped his mother, who is suffering from cancer, would die an agonizing death from it. […]
A few weeks ago I came across an article in the New York Times about a man and his love for his cat. It was surprisingly interesting despite the subject matter and reflected on bits of human nature that would be applicable to more than just ones relationship with their cat/pet.
From the article: “I’ve speculated that people have a certain reservoir of affection that they need to express, and in the absence of any more appropriate object – a child or a lover, a parent or a friend – they will lavish the same devotion on a pug or a manx or a cockatiel, even […]
Surrounded by people yet all alone.
The summer sun bright in the sky.
Yet she felt nought but the cold of a dreaded winter
Finally she had opened up.
She allowed the world to know the pain she’d hidden inside all her life.
Yet the euphoria lasted but a couple of weeks
Like a waterfall she fell dramatically back into dysphoria
Her heart ached as she laid in her bed, the drugs numbing her body but not her mind.
She embraced her fears but she’d come this far and had just fallen.
Why were they helping someone that was corrupted, possessed by the darkness that haunted […]
It’s like being at sea and seeing a hurricane approaching. Same feeling in the pit of your stomach, the awe at the power of the beast called nature.
It sucks when every week becomes another storm to weather. I can’t remember the last time where I wasn’t terrified.
I just want want some relief. How have I sinned to deserve this shit being thrown at me?
Does sadness have an age? Does it mature like wine? Is there a definition for true sadness? I guess sadness is defined within itself. Sure I’m 18 and I can safely say that I haven’t experienced life by any means. That doesn’t really matter though because experiencing this pain is enough. People who try to reason with me never understand. They treat my condition as something that you shrug off because ‘nothing really bad has happened’. That is so far from the point. I’m sure you all understand though, what it’s like to feel so depressed without any reason and that honestly makes it hurt […]
I stand alone
A group of laughing people to my right
I stand alone
The rushing cars passing me to my left
I stand alone
The cold chill of the winter breeze blowing through my hair
I stand alone
In visioning myself some place else
I stand alone
As the dark clouds begin to loom lower
I stand alone
As the moon begins to rise in the night sky
I stand alone
Until it’s time to go back home
I sleep alone
Dreading the next day of which I’ll once again stand alone
A cycle that will never end
If you don’t wish to talk to me anymore or have any means of communication with me, you could just tell me straight.
I don’t wish to be kept in the dark, even if the truth hurts…
There is no comfort in the truth anyway.
This is my first post, i have been reading some other stories & feel very much connected to the feelings expressed…. Want to share my story…. I have seriously contemplated ending my life on many occassions… But i am also a procrastinator :)), so i am still here….
I have been poisoned… By mercury: in my teeth, from fillings…. From vaccinations…. In the womb, from my mother’s tooth fillings…. From eating fish… From people burning coal and polluting the air and water….
Mercury is the most powerful neurotoxin on earth… Mercury amalgam fillings were used in the nazi […]
something so beautiful and puzzling about the quickness in which ants die, when there’s just a bunch all swarming to a tiny bit of mountain dew that’s spilled on the counter, completely indulging in their desire. ants can’t really do much except mate and eat. human activities for ‘fun’ are just our creation… so, when ants give into their desires and slurp mountain dew and piss off humans, are they sinning, or what? do they even know they’re making people mad? or do they just think it’s a gift from above? do ants even think at all? does any thinking that humans do or anything […]
My newest and probably last song. I havent been on for a bit. I have really been trying to feel better. But I cant. She is the most beautiful woman in the world and the 2 of them were my everything. I dont want to do this without them. I cant keep going on faking that im ok. Im not. Soon, I will be gone and I wont be a burden or bother to anyone anymore.
I hope one day she sees this and will know how much they ment to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-vGzh3tj1Y
The night before last I let my anchor go – the only person who held me somewhat together. He broke up with me last year after a few years of long distance dating but we remained close friends up until now. He has a new girlfriend and it was clear he was drifting further away from our friendship no matter how much he denied it. I don’t blame him. He was broken like me when I met him, not suicidal that I know of but certainly depressed, and over the years he has gotten better and I have not.
It was probably horrible of me but […]
Yesterday I made a post with an honest question asking your opinion about a method I’ve concocted (or so I believe) and comparing it with another method more… classic, lets say. No answer in my mail. So I come back today to the site and find that my post has been deleted. No explanation, no comment. Just puff, vanished. Hey pals, thanks! What a wonderful community. You gave a me a new reason to put in the bag full of them I already have!
Suicide is the ultimate form of giving up. In 2001 while watching the movie :CAST AWAY” this poem just came to me. I’m posting here, right now for givingup It goes like this:
What if I gave up today
and tomorrow I won the lottery?
What if I gave up today
And tomorrow I met the woman of my dreams?
What if I gave up today
And tomorrow I started living my dreams?
What if I gave up today
And tomorrow I figured out how to be successful?
What if I gave up today
And tomorrow I came to know I deserved what I want?
What […]
How can any historian be optimistic? All of the rapes, murders, and so on in the name of God must at least become tiring to observe over time. I remember watching a video from an antinatalist arguing that objective facts and subjective beliefs lead to pessimism, which may be debatable, but it describes how I view life so well.
History class kind of sucked today, but at the same time I saw some familiar faces. What pissed me off the most was seeing the teacher read off quotes from famous historical figures, but he omitted only one, and it was from Søren Kierkegaard. What the hell? […]
When I say seniors, I don’t mean school grade. I mean ‘over 65.’ I want to know if there are any others near my age on this website. I’m not presently suicidal. I have been most of my life. But now death is a given in the next 30 years or so. I’m wondering how persons from my generation who have survived feel now. Are there any on this website?
I’m presently having some physical problems. I am consulting with my general practitioner. I am not afraid of death, a friend I have sought during most of my life; but I’m also not afraid to live.
How […]
I started cutting a little bit back in March. I had never done it before then. I was panicking, crying and really upset and angry with my family. I didn’t know how to calm myself down and then i just picked up a pin and started poking at my wrists. Eventually I bled a little bit and it freaked me out. I did this twice in the spring. Then I was doing better but tonight I got really upset again and jealous of my younger sister. I got really mad and felt really helpless. I didn’t know how to handle myself again and grabbed the […]
Moon on the sea,
Please dance with me.
Just started to rise,
Seeing the prize.
Moon big white ball,
I follow your call.
Waves in the night,
Spirit take flight.
Stars up above,
Feeling your love.
Spirit at peace,
Pain will release.
I have suffered from depression for decades along with addictions etc. In the early 90’s, at my last re-hab
without any warning I began to write poetry. It just came to me. It seemed effortless. Fast forward to Robin Williams suicide, the medias response, such as what did he have to be depressed about? That is such a selfish act, prompted me to jump into the fray. I KNOW what the feeling is like that killing yourself is the only way to stop the unbearable pain. So I posted one of my poems on Facebook. Last night I spoke with my sister, who told me […]