This is my first post, i have been reading some other stories & feel very much connected to the feelings expressed…. Want to share my story…. I have seriously contemplated ending my life on many occassions… But i am also a procrastinator :)), so i am still here….
I have been poisoned… By mercury: in my teeth, from fillings…. From vaccinations…. In the womb, from my mother’s tooth fillings…. From eating fish… From people burning coal and polluting the air and water….
Mercury is the most powerful neurotoxin on earth… Mercury amalgam fillings were used in the nazi concentration camps on children. And are still placed in children daily….
There are no problems mercury poisoning cannot cause…
Recent studies have shown that some people think about committing suicide without even realizing it….
Such as, should i tie my shoe first? Or kill myself first? Make sense?
I felt My body was within about two weeks of total system failure due to toxic overload… My brain was so fogged out i could barely dress myself, write a letter, or make it through the day. My spirit recognized that i was truly damaged and unable to function as a “normal” person, so i isolated myself. I was extremely irrational, hearing what i said did not even make sense to me…
Now i have been trying to heal, and knowing what happened makes it a little easier to understand, but i now have zero trust of any modern science or anyone really… Still unable to function due to extensive brain trauma…. Feel like a stranger in a strange land… Wish we could all meet up somewhere in person and be friends and kill the loneliness and misery and not our bodies… I am in Portland, oregon for now if anyone wants to be friends. Love and Light in your darkest Night….
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Hello,BYG…So sorry to hear about your brain trauma.I hope you can recover.Im glad you wrote to us . I have read about the amalgam fillings-we had them when we were kids-all of us(my siblings)-and they did an expose piece on it on 20/20 ,in the late 80s I believe,but still couldn’t get anyone to say that the fillings were conclusively proven to sicken .Well,it simply makes obvious sense. I still have one,in fact. Anyway-youre not alone. Some of us here are physically ill,and in pain,and some just mentally ill and depressed-Either way,you are in a supportive community. Welcome.
You mentioned meeting up together ,and killing our loneliness,-I posted on this exact subject last night- it was called ” Can we find a place to be together” and there were a couple of responses-go back and see it if you are interested, but despite the unrealistic sound of the thing,I’ve been considering the possibilities of a place for us to go and fellowship together,or just connect in whatever way we can…I think of joining up with some people from SP(I email a lot with certain ones who are like minded ,but we just began to talk of this idea) who are ready to walk away and do something completely different-people who are just through dealing with the shit of society…and creating a memorial for all of us-expressing all the reasons why we are sick,or sad…a memorial to the suicidal…sucessful or still struggling..A monument of outrage and sorrow-and a place to be with each other.Anyone could make the pilgrimage , and instructions to get there would be posted online. I thought it would be in a secluded area with a beautiful and simple place to check out-by jumping off a cliff or some other type of dropoff. To be with people who understand the things that we feel,and to offer support-its the very thing that can give us a reason to stick around and uplift our spirits.Some will come to die in peace,and be heard and understood before they go.Some will come to find companionship,and a chance to be helpful ..I want to get far away from other people and be surrounded by beautiful natural scenery,but obviously to start up and create the memorial,and then to build a place to dwell ,will require some survival and building skills .We would need to be pretty self sufficient..Im not suggesting a suicide cult..no cyanide in the punchbowl,like Jonestown. Just a place to go and be free among like minded individuals…I noticed that You used the phrase Stranger in a Strange Land,which I appreciated because im a Heinlein fan,and also have used the phrase to reference the acute alienation I have felt at times-cool.
Thanks for your response…. Have you heard of the Peace Pilgrim? She walked over 25,000 miles for almost 30 years… I am thinking about doing something similar, maybe a pilgrimage for peace that never stops… Living in forests, mountains, alongs streams & rivers…. Eat berries or fast… Maybe things will change? At worst/best we starve… So what? Maybe if enough of us roam together, we can at least support each other… The isolation is what is really hard for me…. I don’t want to connect with people who are totally unconscious of reality… I am a person of the earth, i find harmony in nature…. But am alone and in a city trying to find a way to survive that is in alignment with my beliefs… I think i am ready to walk until i cannot walk anymore… Then i will be in nature, at peace knowing i am not adding to the problems… Wish i knew where to find an answer…
Thats Crazyyyy!!I have felt compelled to just start walking..a pilgrimage,but to where,I have no idea…it is a recurring thought in my mind all the time,and especially when I feel despair..it’s like a response to the need inside me. I have not heard of the peace pilgrim-but I will look later tonight…how cool that you feel this way,too. Ive used the term pilgrimage ALWAYS when I was trying to describe to another person my feeling of walking out and walking on…Like Forrest Gump running in his emotional crisis until he was done….I love that idea..
Yes! I often think of forest gump, too…. As for where to go, i am looking at some environ-mental groups opposing fracking, tar sands, mountain top removal for coal, & vivisection… Really doesn’t matter where, just thinking maybe i can help the earth or animals since i have no interest in modern destructive society… I am starting to believe that we are not the ones with the problem….
I’m not good with people bit welcome. And if you ever want to talk to someone, one on one, I’m here. Since i have no social life, I’m free most hours of the day.
Ha, half of my mouth is full of those fillings. Did they stop using them? If so… Awesome!! :/
I had about half removed back when I had more money and better insurance, but never got them all out. I dont know… I could never find conclusive evidence regarding it. I do know the vacinnations issue has been shown to be a non issue. I believe some research study was falsified.
Anyway, sorry to hear of your troubles.
You could go to a neuropsychologist and request a neuropsychological exam. Go to a reputable place, like a hospital over a private practice. If you have insurance it should be paid for.
There is a lot of new research out, but it is difficult to find… It has taken me over 5 1/2 years to find out what i now know. DAMS.org is very good, it stands for Dental Amalgam Mercury Solutions… And Huggins Applied Healing is another good site. The IAOMT.org is excellent with a video on youtube, “smoking teeth = poison gas”, be careful if you do get the rest removed and follow the removal protocol… I know this is true information because i lived thru it, barely… Thanks for replying… If you have questions, i am more than willing to answer them
Fracking disturbs me very deeply,too. What an atrocious, destructive operation it is! Filthy and destabilizing ..huge holes that collapse in…despicable. I have a mission with factory farming..I THINK I do,anyway..I guess anything could come into my path concerning animal liberation,though. I just cannot bear doing nothing but PETAs civil resistance cheerleading anymore..its very sickening to me to not strike an actual blow to the murderous,torturous bastards enslaving the poor animals..makes me homicidal,followed by suicidal when I think very long on the truth of factory farming,or see the images
Yeah Ive read its bad to go in a sauna, which I used to do regularly, as the mercury vaporizes in the heat and you inhale it.
The dentist I used was very good… Thus the increased cost. He made sure nothing got down my throat and replaced the ones he took out with the white fillings that are lined inside with pure gold.
But… Still have the others in there. A few left. Does worry me a bit.
BYG,my name is Kimberly.It seems right to properly introduce myself. I live in California close to San Francisco….Did you have your amalgam fillings replaced with safer stuff? How did you detox yourself when you felt you had reached critical mass? Was it enough to isolate yourself and wait for the fog to clear? Finding the answer…would be beautiful.I get excited when I think of the possibilities of this pilgrimage,and that others might want to start walking too…Real wilderness and its beauty can soothe us,and mend us,i believe. Ive always wanted to go to Alaska -incredible wilderness,.animals…Northern Lights..i can’t wait to see them someday. Despite having a period of growth and spiritual connection a few years back,I retreated into what use to make me feel strong and relevant. I have been mentally trapped in the wrong places, because it was my default for years,when I felt fucked up( to seek a relationship to fix my pain,or alcohol.or drugs.)..(or a swirling miasma of all three:)..I was in a lot of pain,and I was making selfish decisions ,so I decided to quit seeking love that way,and to stop most of the other vices . Its been very hard. I often feel discouragement, and disappointment -i loathe myself for feeling these things all the time,but I cannot stop feeling it. Literally I chose to get in my big bed,surround myself with my beloved petfriends,music,and a tray of tea twice a day and put a ridiculous scarf over my head like horse blinders-and to read(A Lot) or surf th gruesome true life videos online,watch ridiculous animal video on YouTube(cheers me up for a minute) oh,I get up and do what I must but im going on months now of not functioning well at all. I do my cleaning at night,laundry,some cooking,but really I’m like a child pouting because I did not get my way..What a waste of 3 years of my life to crying and resentment. I’m extremely adept at romanticizing my tragic history, (like Wuthering Heights meets A Million little Pieces, with a generous sprinkling of On the Road) I create these pools of sorrow to slip into,and it comforts me immensely despite making me sicker and sicker all the while…Im paralyzed now..a victim of MYSELF,now ,and nobody to blame at this point(i hate it when that happens!lol). I have abstained from any romantic relationship for 3 years,and for a person like me,its been hell. The loneliest time ive ever experienced in this life,but I finally had no choice but to stop and focus only on my commitments and to try and be healthy .Instead,ive fallen away into shadow. I want to live,but instead im hibernating.Hiding. As a young person,I traveled like a hippie and saw some great times,places,people..Its calling me again. Anyway-i think the pilgrimage is where I must start,and possibly stay on to the conclusion of life-who knows. Concerning the answer.. the answer rarely comes dressed as the answer…and more difficult even still-the answer often isnt an answer at all.It may be to be very still and quiet . Or perhaps just to walk along,steadily,and to make meaningful connections with the beings on our path..To SEE. I want to see the truth of the natural world,and I want to feel communion with it..with humans,too,but who knows what I am supposed to do, or who I may meet-i only know that this pull toward the wild world is drawing me to my future , and away from a capitalist society of bottomless,abysmal perverse ego..Oh,dear..ive written a runaway, wordy , and boring essay, (instead of a reasonable message) like the word spewing manic fruitcake that I am! I apologize:) I get carried away . I hope to talk again soon –
Re: mercury fillings…. Cilantro. Thats all I got.
Google “Chelation”
Yes! Cilantro and chlorella are really the two best chelators, and sulfur foods like raw garlic and onions…. The information is supressed… Way beyond conspiracy theory….
Hi Kimberly, my name is Jesse, though i now also go by MerCuRy to raise awareness… I did replace my fillings… It has been over 5 years ago now.. I take chlorella everyday and eat a cilantro chelation pesto recipe from Dr. Omura… Eat lots of raw, organic fruits & vegetables…. I am doing much better, but from where i was at, that’s not saying much… It is extremely difficult for me to be in the city… I feel so lost… I want to be around people, but then i don’t want to really be around most people because they are mindless consumer-bots…. I like the visual of you with the scarf around your head :)) sounds like me… I have been hiding in my bed with my fan for a cool breeze, wrapped with the blanket, reading, and searching for solutions…. I have been wanting to go to alaska & see northern lights, too! Then just walking South… I am good at building campfires…. Been very seriously considering just getting the minimal amount of gear and going… I know it will be better than slaving away more years of my life… I have been alone for the last two years after wasting 7 years in an unhealthy relationship… I am wondering, if i just start walking and see what happens? It’s not like i have some great life i am giving up… What’s holding me back? Fear of the unknown? I find it difficult to think clearly and decide what to do… I don’t know if it is from the mercury in my brain, or what? Wifi radiation? Cell towers? I just want to be clear and drink fresh, pure water…. I also sought relief thru marijuana and alcohol… I no longer do either… I dont like the way they make me feel… I just want to gather together a nice little family of like minded nomads and walk around nature and try to help heal the earth, animals, and peoples… I’m in Portland, oregon right now, but not really wanting to keep up this lifestyle… I need to follow my heart to find true peace… I think all else will follow naturally… The only thing i really stand to lose is anxiety and disharmony… Thank you for your messages, will love to hear more from you…
This sounds nice. I fantasize about taking my small savings, and just going anywhere. Preferably not in the US. Some island off of madrid, or to ecuador, IDK hell. Somewhere…. Else.
With cappucino 😉
I want to go somewhere… Not alone… And cappucino sounds good :))
Good evening,Mercury.I was hoping you had messaged me:) I am glad all the toxins are out,and that your regimen of chlorella and cilantro mix are purifying your body. I know just what you mean when you say you want to be around people,but not most people:) Its crazy how many asshole people it seems to take to get to a beautiful person. I was considering what you said about how you aren’t good with thinking things out clearly and making decisions–I have been struggling with the same issue,BUT I have always been able to reason and then decide and carry on,until this last couple years. Its like im paralyzed,Mercury. Its like I NO LONGER TRUST MYSELF. I’m pretty sure thats the main thing,anyway. Yes,im getting a bit older,and yes-i did a lot of drugs and drinking-but this confusion or fearful uncertainty doesn’t feel of that nature.I think that holding my failures and losses so close to my heart for these years has crippled my mind and confidence.Im so different now,than ever before in my life..I know we keep changing and learning our whole lives,but this ME is a shadow of ME..It feels like that,,anyway. That,and my interest in the lies and deceit of governing bodies worldwide-some of the things that I believe make me sound like a paranoid schizophrenic-LoL and It upsets me to be marginalized by the few people I love and support. I know im not normal,(thank god) and i get manic ,but I really feel slighted all the time now and it hurts. And so-as you asked- What,indeed,is there to lose,when you are unhappy where youre at? How can it b detrimental to be out in the world ,free of the harness of society ? I can list all the possible things that could go wrong,easily,but I find I dont want to. Like-it doesn’t matter anymore WHAT can go wrong, because compared to my spiritual distress,its worth any risk. The idea to just start walking is extremely brave and a beautiful ACT of FAITH.Thats what makes it a Pilgrimage. I have been journaling for these 3 years of abstinence,and I look back through,i see that at least 20 times ive expressed the desire to walk out my front door and walk to the Pacific ocean,and when I arrive,pick left or right and keep on walking. This cannot be an impulsive desire,or a touch of insane whimsy….It MUST be significant ..I really like your idea of following your heart to find true peace..and everything else will follow naturally. That feels like the truth. Ive got some time to go before Im free ,but wonder what you think would be the necessities to hit th road with. I can recall being cold when tent camping as a teenager,and I DIDN’T like it.lol…I admit im soft now…use to all comforts .I will have to start making trials
Hi kimberly! Glad to get a message from you! I remember the cold, too… The last time i decided to just go for it was in late February of 2013… I ended up in Montana and sleeping in a hammock with all the clothes i had, but no blanket… It was so cold i couldn’t sleep… Finally i fell asleep, woke up maybe a couple of hours later and i think i was a literally freezing from the feet up… got up and started walking… Was so tired… Finally found a store with coffee, waited for daylight, and took a bus to portland…
Still remembering that & dont want to repeat it… Definitely was a bad decision… Figure if i am in nature, i need to move around, like the migratory songbirds, who fly from north to south america, following the sun, existing in an eternal summer…. As for gear… Still thinking about it… I dont want to carry anything really… The peace pilgrim walked until given shelter, & fasted until given food… She put her trust in god and fellow humans… But i feel like i am supposed to take care of myself… Hmmmm… Maybe be walking and sharing my story i would be taking care of other people in a way and in turn they will help me with a shelter and/or a bit of food?? What do you think? If i had a tent, then that would eliminate a person the chance to offer shelter, which would take away the chance for us to connect and support each other and dispel this lonliness so many of us have… I also am a skilled cook.. Among other things… Hmmmmmm…. Maybe i trade my skills for my basic needs…. Just remembering another time i started on the spiritual path (before i got so sick with mercury poisoning) and a super nice old man picked me & my friend up hitchhiking out of Florida… He wife had just died and he was so grateful to talk to my friend who is a great listener… He drove us for hundreds of miles, but then his car had trouble, so he bought us dinner and gave us $100, we never asked for anything, except sticking our thumbs out for a ride, he was just a good person… So he left us at the diner at night and drove away… We didn’t know where to go, so just started walking down the road… I had a feeling about a dirt lane and went down it.. We found an empty shack with an open door and slept there, then kept going… It all seemed very magical at the time… Dont know if that is what i’d want to do… Just saying that the universe will take care of you in magical ways… Ohh, i think i just got lost on memory lane… The future is unknowable, our thoughts and intentions will manifest our experience, & i love meeting travelers & activists… I want to go on a pilgrimage, but still need to prepare more, mentally & physically… I am thinking a small canvas backpack( rawganique.com), a hemp winter coat, a few clothes, good shoes, a knife, matches, a cooking pot maybe, a lightweight tent maybe, and an alpaca blanket maybe… I want to have a really small, light load to carry, so maybe not all that stuff… Still confused.. I want to somehow make a positive change in the world and help others too… But with nothing… How can i?
I mean off of spain …
Or Belize! ..Coastlines of All the continents, now that I think of it:)