Wouldn’t it be better if everyone of us could live in his/her own unique madness?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7YEVP4r2ok
Lyrics:
Leave the madman in his madness
And don’t try to bring him to his senses
You don’t know what is hidden
Inside the mind of a madman
–
He might find in his madness
Everything he has desired
And wasn’t able
To see and to obtain
–
Leave the madman in his madness
Leave him in his dream
He’s been sick and tired of this world
And he created one of his own
I’m not gonna go out of my way to kill myself, but I wouldn’t really care if something happened to me. I don’t see why I should care. No one else will. So it wouldn’t really matter.
Man, I don’t even know what I feel right now. I just feel so numb, so lost, so indifferent. I think indifference is even more unbearable than anger or sadness. I just want to feel again. I want things to matter. But nothing ever does. I just want the nothingness that is my existence to end. I need rest. I’m so very tired.
What will I type? What message am I oddly eager to send, although once I begin typing I have to force myself to continue. This terrible apathy that I have acquired, where I care not when I see my mother rotting away, a wasted life, why do I feel the need to add one more silly post in the thousands that languish here already. In this curious journey of reaching another state of mind, I find myself hating my apathy, oh the irony. All that we, the youth at least, need is a sense of purpose. And if not that, then we would oh so […]
A dreamer  is the the worst, a waste, a parasite. I will romanticise my life no more. I have alienated myself. I cant relate. I rejected the only one who has ever loved me several years ago, she is now married and has forgotten me. I have found out that love happens once. I will die alone. I have failed at everything. People disappoint me. I disappoint myself. I wish the tide would take me. I am only happy when I am asleep. If anyone knew how I felt, they would treat me the same, with more indifference . Their lies are better than mine, more grounded. […]
When I was young, I was ‘diagnosed’ as being gifted. High intelligence, learns fast. They forgot to mention the side effects. I analyse everything and everyone. I can’t stand being around people. They never say anything interesting. Meaningless discussions about the boring crap they do all day long and are planning to do. I can make almost anyone like me with the masks of sanity I put on every day. Cheerful to some, great listener to others and a serious guy to more others, everyone likes me. I have a good job and decent enough looks, by all accounts a great guy.
But noone sees […]
Every day I wake up without the woman I love next to me in bed. She left my bed because of some slight that she will not talk to me about. I work hard to supply our family with a good life but it never seems e-nuff for her. We have not made love in almost a year now. She can not work because she has hurt herself at work that was three years ago. So I take on all the overtime to make up the money she does not bring in any more. Then she hit’s me […]
I was scared because I haven’t really felt anything at all in ages. No sadness, no happiness, no pain, no tears, no fear, no excitement, no laughter, no love, no hate. Just apathy and indifference. And not feeling anything scares the shit out of me, because I think that feeling all these emotions, good and bad, make everything real. And nothing felt real. And for a while it was good, because often feeling nothing is better than the level of pain I feel at times. But then feeling numb gets cold and sad and even more depressing than the sadness itself.
But this morning I […]
I have been unafraid of dying for quite some time now, many months in fact!
I now live a life of selfishness, indifference and meaninglessness all rolled into one. It is all pointless, and in this I seem to have found a way of staying alive. It will not last long though I think, but give it a try, if not for a bit.
Enjoy
I’m sick of this feeling.
I have just watched one of my favorite shows that has just come back on after almost half a year.
I love this show so much that all week i look forward to it.
But after it is finished i always feel so upset and sad. Like after the peak of ecstasy i feel this horrible indifference coming down.
All i want to do is cut. It’s like i can’t wait for it!
Such a weird feeling.
Fuck.
I woke up with an overwhelming sense of indifference. It seems i cannot stop being unhappy.
I have broken my ankle and moved in with my brother (since my house i currently reside in has stairs). For a while i was very happy. For a while i was so happy it hurt. However depression and indifference always seems to find me.
I hate that my life seems so bi-polar. Up and down, up and down.
If anyone reads this and has a way of making me happy please comment.
When you look up at me
Can you not see
This love hiding shamefully
Behind my painted face
Emptiness I embrace
I see your heart braking
I try to stop shaking
But you don’t know what you’re taking
From me
These years slowly passing
And I am just guessing
That soon I’ll be watching
This all from above
I won’t yearn for my home
Because I’ve been shown
That death is all I want
I’ll have peace and rest
Nothing to protest
Nothing to deplore
But I’d give it all up
I’d suffer through this dump
Because I’ll miss you more
But I am so broken
You are destined
For […]
I have the mentality of a six year old little girl.
The constant need to be reaffirmed, to be told that I matter, and the need to be validated and shown love and compassion overwhelms what little control I have of the way I act around those closest to me.
Is it wrong to crave affection, when you’ve been deprived of it for so long? Is it wrong to want to be wanted, when no one’s wanted you or anything to do with you for years? Is it wrong to love, be made to expect love in return, yet greeted only with remarks oozing of […]
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