So the other day I was thinking about hanging it up and calling it quits, my life is complicated. I’m young but I feel like I lived life before if that makes sense? But anyway tied the belt around my neck and put it in a knot twice and was about to hang it up in my room, I tested it to see if it would hold my weight it did, and just as soon as I was about to give it another try my cat wonders in my room and starts purring and I put the belt down and started playing with my cat […]
Tag:
Knot
Today me and my boyfriend got in an argument. When mean things come out of his mouth it hurts me the most. Like I’m getting stabbed in the heart, and my throat starts to get a knot. He basically sad our relationship is shit, that he’s not happy and I’ve left him traumatized.
I know I’m not the best girlfriend but I don’t deserve to be told those things. I’m so upset he makes me feel so low, my life is already fucked up with other problems that I have. But I just want to leave this world. I hate myself. I hate everything I’m a horrible […]
I want to die. I want to live, but I can’t, because I desire to die even more. I have nothing to live for. The only person who ever saw good in me said that he never meant a word. He never cared about me. I am nothing, and I have nothing. I just can’t take anymore pain. I cry all day, and there’s no relief. I’m tortured in my mind and exhausted in my body. My heart aches with broken promises, everlasting disappointments, and lies told in malice. I can’t tell a soul, because nobody understands a stupid, little depressed girl. Nobody cares. If […]
What do you do when only one thing helps
But you can’t even do that right?
Take the bottle of pills off the shelf
Cuz you fuck everything up in your life
Well that’s what I just did
Downed pills like shots on new years
Popped the tops off a couple of new beers
Ran up to my room and hid
Under my bed cutting my wrist
Making designs to shame an artist
My cuts have a contest
To see who can go the farthest
First prize went from my armpit
Down to my fist
Left arm useless but I still have my right
To end my life […]
The love i have for you.. makes me want to kill myself sometimes. i love you. i loath you. i just want to die so i can stop feeling these feelings! someone come kill me.. come tie the knot around my neck and let me hang
5 Years ago today is when I tried to ctb. I was 16.
The events around it that triggered it, I admit, were bullshit but my reasoning behind it was not.
I got home from school. the bullshit that happened was that I thought I lost a friend, someone I loved, due to some stupid shit that happened that I thought was my fault. I blamed myself for everything back then. That’s what triggered it. My reason behind wanting to die is that I saw myself as a worthless person who could never do anything right and would never amount to anything in life. I […]
This is for you
This is how I feel
Something in my heart not sure if it’s real.
The treasure my heart can’t find.
Trying to keep you off my mind.
You once was mine but know you are not
Left my stomach in a knot.
Stole my heart and now it can’t be found
As to you it’s always bound.
I let you go and I will always regret
Cause u I will never forget.
Is this love I’m not sure or just wanting to belong to something pure.
What use is goodbye if forever u remain inside
Making the rest of the world […]
My body crashes like a broken wave. I thought the cutting and thoughts if dying were over. They fased away slowly. Then rose like the sun breakin the morning air. Someone needs to help me,be there for me, see my pain. They need to see it before it’s to late. Before I’m lying in a wooden casket six feet underground. Before I pull the trigger. Before I tie the knot around my neck. Before it’s to late to care.
I smile during pictures. I smile ’cause I can. I smile when my best friend Becca, takes my hand. I smile when I see you, because thats what is polite. I smile during the day. But I don’t smile during night. I step off the bus, and head to the house. I say “Thanks for the ride” and look down on my phone, more drama has arouse. I close the door slowly, hearing it creak. The hardwood floor echoes my sobs and my shreaks. I am not happy with my looks or my smile, they made me insecure. I question life for a while. I am […]
Let’s cut to the chase… no one really cares. Yesterday I asked my friend, the only one who knows how badly I want to die, how he’d feel if I told him that I was going away and never returning… never contacting him again. I’m not about to whine to you because my girlfriend stabbed me in the back or because I never got the pony my poor ass family could never buy me… actually, in most ways, I have it pretty ‘together’ and most people who “know” me wouldn’t get that I’ve wanted my life to end every day for the past 11+ years. […]