Tag:

last

A funeral beneath the stars

by snowmaiden 3/18/2015

written by snowmaiden

Unfortunately, death is less beautiful. There is no beauty in death for me.

Me: a once vibrant, beautiful girl, has rotted away, literally.

I don’t want to be ill, but I am. There is no going backwards. Things have gotten much worse. I am deteriorating rapidly again. There is no ease. I cannot accept.

I have suffered a lot in the last two years.

I don’t want to die. I want to be alive, happy and well. I am not well, however.

Even as empty as I feel, I just don’t feel good about myself to be around others anymore. I need to die, […]

3/18/2015 8 comments

might regret this…

by onlyoption 3/18/2015

written by onlyoption

so my self harm has started becoming a big problem. the last month ive started to scare myself on how dependent I am on it, how deep Im pushing… how vivid the thoughts of suicide are.

I asked my tutor if counselling could be kept a secret from my mum, ive hid everything from her for the last few years and I don’t want her to know im not her happy little girl anymore. but I need help- even I can see that.

so my tutor ( a psychology teacher who has already suggested counselling) sat me down and we talked, id been on the verge of […]

3/18/2015 2 comments

How?

by hellblau 3/18/2015

written by hellblau

Remember when I asked if
I should do it? Well, I did. I sent him a message, I said happy birthday, have a great day, wish you the best, hope you’re doing fine, may the force be always with you blah blah… And so far he didn’t answer. I guess that’s my sign.

Tomorrow is my birthday, well, in a couple of hours, so I don’t know, I don’t have that excitement I felt when I was 18, that was the last time I felt excited about my birthday. Ever since all has been plain, simple, the feeling of “whatever” and it’s sad. I don’t […]

3/18/2015 1 comment

all gone…. no one left

by kinziek 3/18/2015

written by kinziek

Lost my last friend today

No family no friends all goneeeeee

No reason to live

Im worthless friends always leave me for a reason

Fuck it alllllll

3/18/2015 2 comments

How Far We’ve Come

by Matt 3/17/2015

written by Matt

Last day tomorrow.

Going to go for a walk in the morning, maybe take the dog out.

I’ll get my haircut. I feel all unkempt.

Might have a shave, might not. Only shaved a couple of days ago.

I’m just going to spend the afternoon sitting in the garden, staring at the sky.

Even if the heavens open, I’ll be out there.

Like some lonely sentry, guarding his post to the last man.

I think about how far I’ve come in the past two years.

And I realize I’m right back where I started.

Fuck.

3/17/2015 4 comments

My last few years

by Voidt 3/13/2015

written by Voidt

I’ll start by saying: wherever there’s hope, there’s disappointment…
I don’t know why I visited the place; I hadn’t been to the park for years…Since, probably, at least it is the latest I can remember, me and my girlfriend were little love-birds humping each-other in the toilets. It looked, smelt– felt the same, indeed, so much so that one can only call it, eccentric. Maybe it is the hopefulness the memories possessed that took me there– or maybe my sheer lack of recent-by recent I mean the last 4 years- memories urged me to find comfort in memories that once promised new ones. I really […]

3/13/2015 2 comments

my story

by scartopia 3/12/2015

written by scartopia

Okay so I’ve been asked to share my story and here it is.

I am a 17 year old female and I have cancer.

I was diagnosed about this time last year and I was told that I have a 75% chance of surviving. In November I had my right leg amputated, just above the knee. I am still on chemo.

When I was about 13-years old, my best friend died. This had a major impact on my life. I couldn’t eat, sleep or even talk to anyone. My parents started taking me to a psychologist but it didn’t help. I was taken to a specialist and i […]

3/12/2015 5 comments

Clueless

by AfflictedSmile 3/11/2015

written by AfflictedSmile

I know everyone is caught up in their own life, and I get that. Still, people are so clueless to see when others are not well around them. They ask me if I’m okay constantly due to my demeanor, because I don’t smile or laugh anymore. I use to wear that mask for everyone. I’d go to work or visit family and put on that ”happy mask” and I’ve come to the place before my end, where I just don’t give a shit anymore. If they want to ask questions, that’s fine, they’re entitled to. Doesn’t mean I have to answer, but if I do […]

3/11/2015 1 comment

It’s been a long time since I posted

by bayareaguy 3/9/2015

written by bayareaguy

That seems to be a fairly frequent occurrence on this site in recent weeks. The vast majority of you probably have never seen my posts. The population of this board seems, with a few exceptions, to be very transitory.

In the last year and a half, I was known for being pretty positive on this site, feeling like I had made some significant progress and changes that were allowing me to turn a major corner in my battle with MDD. But, once again, I’ve run smack dab into a wall. This wall seems to be higher and thicker than before.

In just about 2.5 weeks (March 26 […]

3/9/2015 1 comment

Somewhat quick question

by dreamsinwhichimdying 3/8/2015

written by dreamsinwhichimdying

What are the ethics of suddenly making out with Person X, when you were invited a few hours before to Person Y’s house, who may or may not have wanted to have sex with you, and who you like, and who may or may not like you back, and who you are trying to enter a relationship, and when Person X is also trying to enter a relationship, and is the best friend of your ex, who is probably over you but might not be? I know it’s very long-winded, but it’s been plaguing me for the last 24 hours.

3/8/2015 1 comment

I don’t want to die

by BillyW 3/6/2015

written by BillyW

I don’t want to die. I don’t. I want a normal, happy life so bad. But I know that I will never have one. I’m 45, divorced, no children, unemployed for 2 years, My career is over. I live with my mom. I’m beyond lonely. Women won’t have anything to do with me. My money is gone. I wake up every morning scared to death. Any hope at salvaging a normal life is gone. I purchased a gun yesterday with the last money I had. God help me!! I’m so scared!!!!!

3/6/2015 3 comments

Everyone asks ‘what do you think happens after death’

by curfde 3/5/2015

written by curfde

Anyone ever read books of NDE’s (Near Death Experiences)? Or visited NDERF.org (basically the holy grail for NDE stories). There’s also a podcast called NDE Radio. I have done both for at least 5 years, and found them interesting, even if skeptical. I know full well that some are lies, exaggerations (including the proven liar Eben Alexander who was outed as a fraud), but many cannot be due to the law of averages and also accounts from physicians etc. Even when my father was dying of cancer, on one of his last days he saw his dead mother right in front of me, asked me point blank […]

3/5/2015 0 comment

Bitter Sweet

by lezbehonest94 3/4/2015

written by lezbehonest94

My wife came and stayed with me last night. And brought one of our kids. I missed her. We lived together. Then we were separated due to her fake beatfriend/roomate giving her altimatums on me being there. Today is the fifth day we’ve been living apart. Last night went great. Of course we bickered about what has been going on and stuff sence I’ve been gone the house isn’t a home . its been turned into a frat house. She promises to have me back home soon. She promises to have me back in her arms. In our bed with our pup and our normal […]

3/4/2015 3 comments

For Anyone Who Just Wants Something to Read

by Matt 3/4/2015

written by Matt

Maybe you just come here for the stories?

Well here’s one, maybe it’s fiction or maybe not, all good memories become stories when they’re lost to the ocean of time.

It was summer. Last summer had been so warm his days were mostly spent shirtless. That was the summer before he met that one person who would change his life forever. But this isn’t like some soppy love story, instead of perfectly timed kisses and theatrical dialogue, it’s filled with awkward silences and fights. But they made it work. Until they didn’t.

He’d asked him to come and visit him while they weren’t living together. He’d checked with […]

3/4/2015 2 comments

Is it true? Please Answer

by Quiver 3/2/2015

written by Quiver

I’ve built my life on trust… confiding in people, caring for them, loving them. And today I’ve realised most, if not all, have broken my trust in the last few weeks, when I needed them most. I’m doubting whether or not people are worth it… Is trust really not worth it?

3/2/2015 6 comments

Alone.

by lezbehonest94 3/2/2015

written by lezbehonest94

I’ve never felt this alone. Day by day I get worse. I don’t no if I should admit myself. Or what. I no I can’t handle being the way I am. I’m not afraid of death it seems quite peaceful. I don’t want my family to find me . last night I took a lot of sleep aid enough to trank a horse.. Unfortunately I woke up this morning , yes. I was angry so angry. So I was determine to find something I wouldn’t wake up from.. And nothing. SSomeone just please give me some advice… Please..

3/2/2015 11 comments

This is it… the vicious cycle ends today with a bullet in my brain

by I am out 3/2/2015

written by I am out

I have had reoccurring depression for half my life, and I am 22. When I was a teenager, I would tell my parents that I was going to kill myself, and this of course would freak them out and I got counseling, then got on medication. The years that followed had me going in a cycle of depression that would turn on and off over and over and over again, with each spout of depression last weeks, and my ‘good’ moods lasting days.

While I was feeling good, I’d say to myself, “What was I thinking? I can’t commit suicide!” But then only a few days […]

3/2/2015 19 comments

fuck this place

by omfgitsaraver 2/27/2015

written by omfgitsaraver

I’m slowly dying mentally each and every day. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’ve tried so hard to look past my physical deformities and and see the “good” in people but it has gotten me nowhere. I just want to die. Today, tomorrow what the fuck ever. Days are the same. My last words before I die will be, “Fuck this place.” It’s decided, I will die of suicide. I’m a little ashamed because I promised my mom I wouldn’t.. but truthfully and honestly…. FUCK THIS PLACE!

2/27/2015 6 comments

Thirteen Minutes to Midnight

by Matt 2/25/2015

written by Matt

As I write this it is 23:47. 13 minutes until midnight.

The clock begins again in 13 minutes.

Life begins anew in 13 minutes.

It is 23:47 where he is.

It is 23:47 where she is.

It is 23:47 where they all are.

The last connection we have is time.

Time will always bind us together, until one of us slips outside of it’s domain.

In 13 minutes the day in which I die could begin.

In 13 minutes the day in which I live could begin.

I wonder what they will spend the next 13 minutes doing.

Are they dreaming? Or are they awake?

Are they dreaming of me?

In 13 minutes these thoughts will be the […]

2/25/2015 2 comments

How do you do?

by comomequieranllamar 2/25/2015

written by comomequieranllamar

Yes, we ask it all the time. But, do we even want to listen the answer?

I’ve been wondering if someone would notice how down I am and ask me if I’m ok… and then just sit and really listen.

But then I realized I don’t remember the last time I was sincerely interested in how someone was doing.

So, why should I expect from others what I’m not able to give?

When I write in English, it looks funny to me, with all those capital “I” around. It’s kind of symptomatic.

2/25/2015 2 comments

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