i feel like my life is comeing to its end like thers nothing now but to die or let the hear on my face grow and look at the tv screen i uesd to be happy for a wile my last haza ? or was that me lieing to my self and nwo this is the end were i go one way or another two paths to take nither of them good but death looks the like best way foword
Wonder if anyone will ever read this? Long story, short I’ve been severely crippled in a motorcycle crash. Life for me has been changed drastically since I awoke from the coma. Life like this seems pointless however I have 2 children. Shit I can rant and rave about what the last 3 1\2 years have been like but what good will it do? I should have died that day, I don’t want to continue this way! I have guns but am too much of a ***** to pull the trigger on myself and would like to obtain ******** but I’m still trying to find a […]
Coming up on that date, August 30th, that night last year when I should have (and maybe actually did) die.
I still go back there often not to remember that night but for other reasons unrelated.
So what has happened in a year? I believe I am here for a reason. I found out some people care, some don’t. Overall, I could still be happy leaving this world,, although I have found someone to love, and someone I know loves me, which makes things different in a […]
I refuse to let whoever the fuck is running things up there, the satisfactions of watching me, suffer, wither and die an early death by suicide. I refuse to give up, even though I have all the odds against me, even though I can’t love myself, cause there’s always regression to the mean; Things can’t always be good, but they can’t always be bad either, it has to mean out. I refuse to let my future loved ones down, by swallowing the pills in my hand. I refuse to give up on myself; i refuse to die unhappy, alone and young. I’ll fight […]
It’s like being at sea and seeing a hurricane approaching. Same feeling in the pit of your stomach, the awe at the power of the beast called nature.
It sucks when every week becomes another storm to weather. I can’t remember the last time where I wasn’t terrified.
I just want want some relief. How have I sinned to deserve this shit being thrown at me?
I have a specific day in mind to perform the last task. It’s perfect really, and essentially the closest day I can do it all on my own. 18th birthday is perfect, And although its 9 months away, I’m determined I’ll do it. The ups and downs I have don’t fool me into hope, cause ive experienced life and what I’ve felt is enough to make a decision. So from now until then my posts will be full of bs. Thank you
My Invisible Family. My Fallen Foes
Crammed into a room with no corners, no ceiling, no floor.
There was nothing but us, scared, blind and ready for war.
It was the last time I saw Shannon, my long lost twin sister.
She was sexy and sensitive and smart,
but I was swifter.
The last time I saw Josh, my long lost twin brother.
He was brave and bright and brought joy to all,
but I was tougher.
I am the hero knight sperm who rescued my imprisoned princess egg but I am also said damsel in distress who waited […]
A scamming thief conned me out of $28000 in loans which have never been paid back and now I’m so broke, I can’t even pay for utilities or food. Then last week he even went and robbed my house of every single item of value, plus many, many items that are so sentimental and irreplaceable. This on top of the fact that I was barely surviving to begin with. He took away whatever fight that I had left to live. I’m done. I’m so stupid. He played on my sense of empathy and compassion and used, lied and scammed me until there was nothing left […]
I am an artist
Though I cannot paint
I cannot write a novel
I cannot act in a film
Yet I am an artist
My paintbrush is my razor
My story is told through my tears
My film is life and my smile is the main character
I am an artist
Whose painting is in cerise beads
Whose story is in each crystal stream
Whose persona hides a reality behind a perfected smile
I am an artist
An artist with a dark truth
A hidden story
And a made up happy ending
I am an artist
An artist that has ran out of space for […]
So its been nearly a year since I tried to kill myself. I did it at the end of last summer, swallowed three bottles of anti-depressants. I did it because I wanted to die, and I was outraged when I woke up still quite alive. However I became even more upset upon learning the level of my injuries. Apparently comitting suicide after leaving home with nowhere to go is a worse idea, particularly in northern Minneapolis. After overdosing and passing out, apparently somebody found me and proceeded to mug me, stealing my few valuables and kicking the shit out of my body.
Not […]
My newest and probably last song. I havent been on for a bit. I have really been trying to feel better. But I cant. She is the most beautiful woman in the world and the 2 of them were my everything. I dont want to do this without them. I cant keep going on faking that im ok. Im not. Soon, I will be gone and I wont be a burden or bother to anyone anymore.
I hope one day she sees this and will know how much they ment to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-vGzh3tj1Y
Since 2002, I have been making the same mistake again and again. What is permanent is the despair and the gradual loss of confidence till the point that I’m scared of interacting with my boss and colleagues fearing I’m wrong and stupid and can’t do much.
It all started with a marriage which lasted for 3 months. We got married after going around for almost 5 years. and the reason given was as stupid as-” You don’t earn enuf and can’t and will not be able to take care of me”. Of course I was not earning well that time, much lesser than my partner, I […]
That’s how I feel. I want to die, but I feel stuck now. There are people who love me. People who want to see me get far in life. But I barely have any motivation to do anything. I don’t have a job, and I wasn’t able to graduate last year because of the sheer amount of days I missed from school. My ex is the total opposite of me. He has likes, wants, goals, and tons of motivation. He graduated high school last year, and took on a job at wal-mart to support his hobbies. I’m this person who’s dependent on medication and even […]
I have suffered from depression for decades along with addictions etc. In the early 90’s, at my last re-hab
without any warning I began to write poetry. It just came to me. It seemed effortless. Fast forward to Robin Williams suicide, the medias response, such as what did he have to be depressed about? That is such a selfish act, prompted me to jump into the fray. I KNOW what the feeling is like that killing yourself is the only way to stop the unbearable pain. So I posted one of my poems on Facebook. Last night I spoke with my sister, who told me […]
I don’t understand what you’re expecting of me,
your needs a bottomless pit.
Just because you don’t understand these feelings,
doesn’t make me a misfit.
I don’t wish you to understand,
this mind, it’s my own personal hell.
I’m scribbling down my note written in my own twisted fate,
hoping no one remembers to tell.
The rope, hung ever so delicately,
my last and final hope.
The knocking on my door loudens,
as my body begins to mope.
hi, first post. Suicide’s been in the news for the first time in a while, it seems..
I’ve been thinking about suicide and how the idea that it is bad, conflicts with several messages society sends. the idea that it is acceptable conflicts with other societal messages, and the idea it’s good obviously conflicts with many messages.
but just sort of thinking about life, society, humanity as a whole…. for anyone who tends to think logically on a macro (to the point where it’s difficult to form emotional attachments to real people in your close surroundings), why do people send out black-and-white messages to people? Whether it’s […]
had my 1st practise with my home made hood today and it worked perfectly. I begin back at work next week as a self employed driver, and my last few weeks will be so that I can leave my partner enough money to clear some last bills, and pay for a cremation, and with the exception of rehoming my 2 dogs, all is fine for my departure. I have decided to make my exit away from the home we share, as I would not like my other half to find me.
the weird thing is I feel perfectly calm, less depressed and a lot less exhausted […]
For a long time I’ve known I would die by suicide. I know now that this time has come. I’ve come to the end of my mortal life and I can’t live any more. The only unknown in this equation is when. I’ve been hospitalised an average of four times a year for the last four years for mood symptoms and psychosis. This feeling of expiring has been building for a couple of years now and it’s grown to the point of no return. I’m not sure that I can come back from this feeling. This feeling of complete emptiness, blockage, doom, the end. The […]
Thanks everyone for providing a place where people who suffer from such a myriad of issues can tell their stories. While I know none of you, it’s been nice for the last few weeks to have a site to go that I can read posts from people who ask a lot of the same questions I did. It’s allowed me to live semi-vicariously through your words in a world where I didn’t think I was so alone, so isolated. I read all the posts, commented where I felt I might have some insight, tried to be there for people who wanted someone to talk to. […]
He’s stood by my side through my depression, went above and beyond, more than anyone else would ever even think about. He stayed with me after my last attempt and tried to get me help. I can’t explain how much i owe him. Now though I’m nothing more than a burden. He see’s me as a parasite and i can see it in his eyes when he’s angry hed love nothing more than to squash me like one. Or if i just dropped dead everything would be ok for him, everything would be better. I’ve been on meds for a year now and they have […]