I’m exhausted. January 2nd was my date. All set then I had a psych assessment appt come through so I thought I’d move it to the 3rd… Then a job interview on the 4th ok so the 4th is my day. Fucks sake! How do you people not notice? A psych evaluation where I pour my heart out about how I’m not going to be here next week and still evokes nothing? Why am I surprised tho? This system has failed me so many times so I should know right? Wrong, my selfish, self involved side took over and thought someone would give a […]
Tag:
Length Of Time
I am sick inside. Alone, overwhelmed, confused, and filled with hatred for myself and regret for my life. I should never have been born. I told my dad that once, and he said it was an insult to him and to my mother. The funny thing was, he said it as if he thought it wasn’t meant to be. Well, it was. They were too young for kids when they had me. They were irresponsible, and their own parents were irresponsible. And you can probably trace it all the way back to the Stone Age. Too many people who had no business raising kids. And […]
Right now I feel sad. For the first time in ages, I’m not angry, not depressed, not even numb and barely suicidal.
Just sad.
But I feel worse than usual because of that.
Because I know that all it will take to cheer me up is a hug from the right person for the right length of time.
I just want someone to hold me, really hold me.
Not a brief hug, not a surprise hug, just a long, warm embrace.
And what kills me right now is that there’s no one I can hug in that way right now.
And there hasn’t been for years.
And right now, my sadness is making […]