I’ve thought about it for years. Tried various ways. Failed (obviously) every time. Lied my way out of hospital after hospital. Spent years “reinventing” myself. But can’t escape the overwhelming need to die. Not to die just any way. I need something creative. It cannot look like a suicide. It can NEVER be questioned. My husband doesn’t know and can’t know i am like this. He didn’t know me when i was “depressed,” medicated. In therapy everyday. He knows the now me. That person works 60 hours a week. That person adores her children. That person is positive and upbeat. Fun loving and adventurous. The […]
Tag:
Lied
I feel like my heart has just been stomped on, how could you tell someone you want to fix everything. It makes absoultely no sense to me how you could tell someone you still love them but you go off with their old best friends? It’s like you never even loved me as you said you did. Like why did i even have to care for you? Maybe i wasn’t meant to be loved by someone. I have this thing of giving people to many chances & I’ve now realized it, maybe it’s because I want to see the good in that person. Yet they […]
I didn’t go to prom because of you. I didn’t get my scholarships because of you. I was suicidal because of you. That fake pregnancy scare we had? Your fault. I spent every penny I had because of you. I ruined my relationship with my grandmother because of you. I stole because of you. I thought of being unfaithful because of you. I turned against God because of you. I cried over my online relationship because you couldn’t be good enough for me for me to forget. I graduated with the lowest plan possible because of you, when I was on track to be the […]
Just told my ex, that’s also my best friend, that I’ve lied to him. Luckily he wasn’t mad at me, actually, he understood it. I was really glad with that. But the thing I really wanted was not saying it to my ex. That I shouldn’t done it, because I never lied to him. That’s what I really wanted, but it’s not the truth. I have so much regret of all the times I lied to him, my parents or anyone else that’s close to me. I have lied so much that it almost felt like my life was a lie. I’m trying to lie […]