The holidays are coming up and I’ve never felt more alone more empty more sad. The memories hurt the most now. I have dreams about it and I wake up with this fresh pain and its torture. It was just a dream right, but it’s also my new reality. It sucks I want to cut myself just make one good slice into my skin reopen the scars to distract from these memories that keep resurfacing. I get that life is better off now than it ever was I get that I was living a painful lie. That doesn’t change that it hurts that my heart […]
Back in the days made imaginary, loving you was ordinary.
Grown now I miss how you held me me down.
Word of your eternal kiss had filled me with pure bliss, who was I to dismiss you in my future?
A rare guarantee made by life, I had pretended to be your wife, isn’t that suppose to be forever?
I found a new lover we took the vow to be bound, however the day without sound will come and you’ll tear it all apart.
To you, a promise made with the heart is a waste, based from the idea of time.
No matter how I love, you’ll remind, ” AshCoveredAngel you’re […]
Uh so I’m John, 12 turning 13 on November 19. A little more than a year ago I started getting loads and loads of messages on instagram on my face, my body, and everything about me. I’m 92 pounds and not proud of it, pansexual, and gender queer. My family is Catholic and they don’t approve of me. Everyone keeps saying “Oh your siblings will never approve of you they’re your siblings!” But it’s not the same. They call me freak, emo dumbass, little Shit. Just because I love who I love, just because I don’t have call myself male or female. I’m atheist and […]
The only thing that is keeping me from leaving this world is my children. Even then, I can’t handle being a mom. I am so selfish for thinking such things. I see how people move on with their lives. They would be alright. They have more of a chance of making a better life for themselves than I do. And I can’t be a mother to them. It’s impossible for me to handle any kind of responsibility. My son is more responsible than I am. Get your shit together, your life will work out my friend says. I lack guidance and I’m constantly having to […]
Finally decided to take action and source ******** only to find a whole group of us in search of the same thing and wanting to move on from this life. As I read I think, “you’ve got heaps to live for” so what if you have a colostomy bag, so what if you just broke up with your significant other. You’ll get through this. But I need the ******** a lot more than you..
Who understands what this feels like. Who knows the pain I’m in. Who lives with suicidal thoughts everyday of their life. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be here. Does anybody understand? I am a 24 year old queer female who is lost and struggles with alcoholism/addiction issues. Is there anybody out there that could relate/talk to me?
I feel very guilty for looking for a purpose. I know that the meaning of life is self-appointed, and as much as I try I know that I can’t find a reason. This is only day 6 of a weird bout of depression–I usually don’t get as depressed as this, where it heavily impacts me–but I am through with it. Why do I still go to lectures and pretend that all of this matters? Why do I still try to do well in class and get so fucking disgusted with myself when my grades aren’t the best? After undergrad is graduate and the formation of […]
It is amazing how life can fall out of grasp within a blink of an eye. It is like yesterday that I was happy and carefree with the world shinning brightly before me. However, it is not yesterday, it is today and today I feel as if there is nothing for me. The world is not mine for the taking and the Sun has disappeared completely. I’m sad, I’m lonely and I fear it will never get better. Maybe life isn’t for everybody because I may be breathing but inside I’m suffocating. Life shouldn’t be this hard. Living has simply turned into surviving and I […]
I think I am going to do it this week. I won’t say how but too be honest i have tried everything to fix myself and nothing works. The woman I love so dearly has given up on me and our friendship because I can’t stop seeing another woman that gives me nothing, it’s all my fault and I feel as though I’m drowning every day. My uni work is piling and piling and piling and regardless that I graduate in a few months time it’s not enough to keep me going.
I never used to be depressed. I was so happy at one stage in […]
I’m sure that people have played the game of Life, you know, with the board and the dice and shit. The board with such spaces as “get married,” or “pay day.” They should add a space called “suicide,” and if you land there you should smile and nod and leave gracefully. Sorry, sir. You’ve lost the game. Sorry, I say, try again some other day! Sorry, there is no feasible way out – at least not for awhile. Sorry, you get to sit there and watch the rest of us play. Sorry, you are a loser.
You’ve probably […]
I wish I didn’t feel the physical effects of depression. Lethargy is the worst–you can’t do anything and yet you can’t tell anyone why you can’t do anything. This entire weekend I’ve done nearly nothing, but why should I do anything anyway? All of our existences are inherently meaningless, our lives will end and we will all be Nothing. Truly, nothing in this life actually matters at all. And yet we go about as though we have a purpose (well, most people do anyway, I suppose people like me do not) and believe that life is beautiful and sacred when it isn’t. Life is just […]
Him. He’s been my best friend for 3 years. Honestly I think he’s my soulmate. Like you don’t have to be dating them to think that. Having a close friend (like him) can also make them your soulmate.
I told him about all ways I’ve hurt my self and we’ve been closer ever since. He’s so understanding about it. He didn’t judge me at all. He wants to help me get better.
I know I’ve hurt him though… I mean who wants to hear that their favorite girl is feeling/doing these things..
I’ve never realized how much he cares about me and how important I am […]
I can’t sleep again, had to wash down another thorazine. I want to paint the walls red but I know it will get me nowhere but scarred for life however long that spark may live on. I am ruminating on my panic attack earlier this week right in the middle of class, the professor sent me home “sick”, I almost jumped off the roof… But I know better (been there, done that). I don’t want to die really, I just want to be free of turmoil and strife. What happens when we die, what do you think? Are we doomed to repeat this miserable life […]
I am a diagnosed bipolar, twenty year old girl. And maybe it is just the depression talking. But I am so lost and I’m so on my own. I’m scared.
Fear is my biggest problem. Im so scared of everything. Scared to be on my own. Scared to run. Scared to hide. Scared to fly incase I fall. Scared to risk it all. Scared to die.
To die would be an awfully big adventure.
I’ve sat on my bed on days when I’m all alone in the house. I’ve taken pills, washed them down with vodka. But as soon as it started to hurt i made myself […]
I realized, im not scared to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, I decide to give life another chance, but everytime I do, I come back 🙁
My dad just called and he knows I cut and he found my rope, he sounded worried
And it is my own fault. I dropped out of college after 2 years, moved to another town where I got into drugs and other things, and fell on my face. After that I moved back to my hometown where I met a new women. We moved in together and I became a part of her family with her 3 children…sounds like I rebounded wonderfully right? Nope, ruined that too. Lost my job and the only way she doesn’t get evicted is if I move. I borrowed money to delay the process, but now I owe family that money and I do not have it. So […]
People will say “Don’t kill yourself please! You have so much to live for!” As I look around…I don’t have much to live for. In a world that’s feast or famine, war or waste, hate and debate. It never took me long to realize that suffering was life. You’d be lucky to find someone who chooses to stand with you as you struggle and suffer. This life is all about survival, we call it living to sound more appealing. I knew that if I had to go through this alone, I would not make it because my heart could not break it to my mind […]
No matter how bad your life may be right now. It seems to always get better. You just have to keep your head up. I’ve went through it all. Never thought I would be where I am today. Thanks to my mom and the help I got. Know that you’re not alone. We all have problems. You don’t have to face them alone. If you ever need help im always here for anyone that needs it. You’re king, you’re a queen. Stay beautiful. Stay strong. <3
i hate the bad thoughts i have about myself.I mean,i know i have a wonderful life.I Have very worried and caring parents and frinds,my family is wealthy,i dont have any health problems etcetera.but I can’t stop thinking that i am too dumb to go to med school,that i am to damm uggly to be interesting, that i lack social skills compared to my frinds,that i dont make my parents proud and that i am to selfish.I think it is why i want to become a doctor,so it would help me stop worring with such ridiculous shit compared with real people’s problems.i just […]
My life is a downtrodden groundhogs day.
I wake up every morning with a varying degree of hope and slowly pull myself out of bed. I turn on my computer, if it isn’t already on to charge my phone overnight, and my monitor then venture into the kitchen for a fresh cup of water. I like water. Fortunate I suppose, I know most people don’t. I could gladly skip juices and soft drinks for a steady supply of water. A fresh sip splashes my mind and cools my senses. Today isn’t so bad, I think to myself. If I’m hungry I’ll peer into the fridge and […]