I sit here thinking.. why couldn’t it have all been fine. It all started when i was around the age of 7. Mom got arrested. Dad wanted nothing to do with me. I felt lost, abandoned, unwanted, helpless, worthless, even forgotten. I didn’t know what to think or what was going on. Theres times now where i still feel lost, unwanted, and forgotten. Forgotten by the world, like no one ever even knew I existed. I go to school, just to get bullied on a daily basis. I sit and wonder what I did to deserve this, why is this even happening. Am I really […]
Tag:
life
now that you are near the end!
To help alleviate some of stress lately I decided to make a post on this site. Â I’ve been struggling with depression since I was a young kid, and it’s finally come back in full force. Â I’m currently a sophmore in college trying my hardest to enjoy life but everything I do just seems to end with me wanting to put a bullet in my head. Â If I had a gun at home, I’m not even sure if I’d be here right now.
It’s amazing to me that I’m still struggling with depression. Â I recently received a full ride scholarship and have almost no social anxiety. Â It […]
if i just disappeared,
would you know?
would you care?
would you look for me there?
i know you would search,
you’d fail, but you’d try,
and you’d cry,
for this horrible loss,
of a shadow that lost
it’s battle with life,
i tried oh so hard,
but i failed,
life derailed,
down the suicide path,
it was painless and fast,
i didn’t want to last,
and now Im gone,
and you cry for me,
you cut deep,
and you weep,
and you lose lots of sleep,
but you slowly move on,
and you no longer care,
about the girl who should not have been […]
It’s been a week or 2 since I lasst posted, but I figured I would give you all an update. That is, if anyone cares.
So I went to the state tournament. And won, then lost, then won again. At this point, I was one match away from placing in my state tournament. Tough kid I had to take, but I was confident. Anyways, 3, 2, 1, wrestle! So we did, and I was winning for a time, then he got desperate, and I ended up losing.
After that, I cried for a bit. (I know I know, men don’t cry, but since I am […]
I feel like I’m such a failure, I’m 23 nothing to show for my life… I have a dead-end job with a small company… I’ve attempted college several times already, just don’t seem to have enough ambition. I can’t afford anything, I barely make enough to pay rent, electric, & gas… Yet I don’t qualify for help from the government… I look around at everyone else and wonder why am I in such a shitty situation, why can’t I be happy, why can’t I afford to eat everyday; pay my bills; and live a normal life… I am feel everyone is always judging me… I […]
It seems as though I have been waiting so long for my life to end. I just manage to live through another day and then another night. It is my hope that each day will be the last. Each evening as I fall asleep I hope that I will not awaken.
Trying to summarize what has brought me to this place is pretty difficult. When your life is fine (good job, wife, kids) and you still think about killing yourself every day, what do you do? I just have a hard time dealing with the pointlessness and the daily sameness. And the fear. I’m sick and tired of the constant fear that something bad is going to happen to someone I love, especially one of my kids or my wife. So I try to practice my zen breathing and try to live in the moment, and try to appreciate the moment I’m experiencing right now, and […]
It’s been three weeks since I picked up a knife
And took it to my skin, when I began to slice
With each cut I made, the weaker I felt
And my heart had been filled to the top with guilt
It’s been two weeks since I wanted to die
To just disappear, oh how I wanted to cry
I wanted to lay in my grave and never wake again
But instead I took my feelings down with paper and a pen
It’s been one week since I last had bad thoughts
I’ve been doing what I can to survive, with everything I’ve got
I’ve been revived, I’m living a life
A life where I don’t […]
Need to vent. Try and puke this stuff up on the page (sorry).
I have Bipolar 1, and I have it bad. It’s ruined my life. While manic I did so many crazy and awful things.
When criminals are tried, if a doctor says they were ‘of unsound mind’ that can be a defence.
I have no such defence. Nobody ain’t defending me, and I can’t defend myself.
I brought a child into the world under these regrettable circumstances.
He now, understandably, hates me.
I distract myself continually. I can’t let myself dwell on the past, present or future.
Long time since I posted here. I came back.
Putting my hopes in somehow […]
I really do not understand the point of life if once we leave here we’re suppose to have some deep understanding of why everything is the way it is. If we already knew this before we came here then why the hell were we put here? Perhaps to make connections  that already existed before we came here, or maybe learn life lessons? If so, this also doesn’t make sense because we would have already achieved the state of knowing before being put here. Imagine being able to know everything. This could range from how many strands of hair exist on our heads to something miraculous […]
Lately things have been going good , and yet I still find myself , waiting…
for something bad to happen to remind me that this happiness that has been given to me to  borrow.. To remind me that life has been playing a joke on me and I’m just waiting for the punch line , ..  Why can’t life be easier ?
I suffered so much already I’ve endured what a person could only believe to be nightmares. I’ve only tried to make myself believe that things are okay and they will be different … Â I don’t have to live by my past and let it define […]
My husband died 18 months ago. I am raising my granddaughters age 16 and 20. I will put my house up for sale next spring and move into a small condo I own that will be in same school district for 16 year old. When she has finished high school and gone off to college my plan is to finish cleaning everything out and then kill myself. I plan to give everything away and have liquidated all financial assets except condo. Will have trust redone and everything spelled out for all financial gifts upon my death. Life is too […]
No one needs me
No one wants me
No one loves me
No one cares for me
No one misses me
No one
Fuck this
Fuck life
Ya know what?
I hate all of you
I hate this world
I hate this society
I hate everyone
Why?
Because everyone lied
No one needs me
No one wants me
No one needs me to be here
Forget about it
Forget this
Forget me
Forget about my life
Forget memories
Forget it
My date is coming up. It’s in May. I haven’t really decided on a method yet but I know I don’t want anyone from my family to find me. I just know how the rest of my life plays out now and it doesn’t seem important to go through the day to day living. I’ll most likely die at work in my 50’s from a heart attack or stroke. My kids will be in college so my wife will have to struggle with the money because my life insurance is only good until I am 50. I figure if I eat a bullet now they […]
I attempted again and was in the hospital. The thoughts can kiss my ass, ill fucken fight em forever if I have too. I have people who love me and I love them, so fuck off or keep fucking I don’t care, I’m gonna make it through this life.
When your 15 and thinking about death everyday, as a release in life , the probability that you will live long seems to get slimmer by the day. The only things holding me here seem to be fear and family, but I think these things will disappear with time. However, having read what people post here I feel like a cowardly little thing who doesn’t have a clue what she’s on about. Â But after coming home everyday and feeling like the good no longer cancels out the bad in my life everything seems pointless. The only problem is that my depression has me gagged and […]
on some days I feel probably okay..i try not to think much but most of the time..i feel exhausted! with my life..it’s just been one failure after another and add to that low self confidence and high self loathing..i just want it to end..if this is life..i don’t want it.. I have issues but I can never talk about them with anyone because whoever I consider close don’t know what it’s like..the whole “move on, fight, get on with it” thing doesn’t work for me..i’m tired of doing all that..im just exhausted and want some permanent rest and I’m in the final stages of getting […]
Nobody understands, I don’t understand it myself.
I don’t open up to anybody and don’t feel the need too, I think I can talk about my problems and work out my problems in my head and for a while, its worked. It worked up until this point, the point I realize I have absolutely nothing. Its taken me all these years, all those times when I thought I was better, All those pills prescribed for something that I didn’t quite understand myself, I just thought I was normal, being in touch with my feelings was normal, everything was normal.
To make matters worse, I started using drugs, […]
my name is callum im 14 years old and i have destroyed my life. It started with me always yelling at my sister and my mom and dad holding me back my dad always told me it was just a phase and i would be ok. he is gone now and he was wrong. recently i threw my sister into a wall and broke her arm. my mom locked me in the washroom and turned up the heat. she wanted me dead. i broke the window and ran. ran. ran. i was downtown , freezing and starving i decided to head home . my mom […]