I guess my story can’t exactly be seen as a “suicide story”…
For a few years now I’ve been looking forward without any reason to do so. Call it survival, or monotony I don’t really know. The fact is, passion for something can only take you so far and that’s the one thing that keeps popping up in my mind.
Why do it? Why not stop? Honestly I don’t like being alive, feels more like some form of torture, I didn’t ask to be alive nor did I wanted to… Maybe I thought it was a competition so I cheated the leading sperm into second […]
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I have shared with a few closer friends that I intended on ending my life recently, and of course they all wanted to stop me. I am struggling daily with the decision, but what I have found astounding from people is that when I try to find some way to do something positive, or productive with them (in order to move life forward and not think about suicide), they don’t show much interest at all. If I mention suicide, they are concerned for a while and ask what they can do. However, when it comes time to follow through… in fact a few seem to […]
What’s the stat? 50% of happy blushing couples end up in bitter divorce, right?
So…there’s prospects of a divorce, finally. For my parents. After 15 miserable years. She becomes increasingly self-absorbed, clingy, needy, sensitive. He becomes withdrawn, detached, bitter. He falls in love with another local woman, bubbly, blonde, a book-lover, confident, independent. I half-guessed that my dad was swirling around with someone else. It was inevitable.
It was wrong, yes, but I can’t blame him. My mother isn’t easy to live with. Actually, it’s pure hell. Don’t get me wrong, I do love her – many good traits, etc – but my mom and my dad […]
So 2 nights ago, I had to get some thoughts out of my head. I started an email; but intended just to erase it, but instead I sent it to myself. I was writing my comments to 2 men. One I have known for years, “TX”, but recently re-connected. He is someone I can call and talk to about anything. But he is also selfish and arrogant. The other man I just met last week on line. He sounded like the answer to my prayers. He was very attracted to me and from everything I could see, […]
At the begining it was only to see if it would hurt as much as i was hurting inside. After, it became like an addiction. It pinched my skin and a soft line of blood ran down my skin. It felt wonderful. I didn’t know what real love is and didn’t have a single friend. So who would care?
It’s been 3 years now that I self harm and struggle with depression. I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times but each time i woke up in a hospital…alive. I thought these pills and alcohol would save me from this fucked up world but it was only […]
Why don’t we pull the trigger? Why don’t we tighten the noose? Why don’t we swallow the pills? Why don’t we jump from the roof? What stops us? I mean, let’s all be real with ourselves. Everyone is here on this site because they are or at least have been suicidal. Everyone here contemplates pulling that trigger, tightening that noose, swallowing those pills, or jumping off that roof. So, really, what stops us? I think it’s a fear that we will be making the wrong decision. It’s like there’s a chance of it getting better. We hear that cliché line so much that it’s stored […]
hey guys. My mom and I haven’t been talking for a week now because I did something stupid. I lit a paper using a lighter because I liked the smell of the burning paper. I did it while sitting in the toilet. My mom smelled the smoke and she started yelling at me. She said things like “it’s bad for your heart and your brain.” “That’s probably why you’re so stupid.” And then the next morning, she told my dad and then my dad scolded me and said that I was stupid and that I’m an addict. And also that my brain is probably damaged […]
I have been feeling severely depressed for the last week & a half. I think it’s a combination of things…been keeping a secret about getting back together w/ my on again off again boyfriend. Finally came out to my friends about it. They all hate him because of what he has done to me in the past. Severe betrayal that I won’t go into. One of my best friends is no longer talking to me. My other good friends dad recently died. He was like a second father to me growing up. That’s been tough. She didn’t even call me. Then I had my birthday […]
Another day of, well, nothing. I can’t laugh, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want anything but to plan my final sleep. I don’t know if my coworkers notice- probably not, they don’t know me that well. I’m trying to decide whether to do it before Christmas, before New Year, or maybe in February. All these are good times, I guess.
Every day is just empty for me, all I look forward to is sleeping and forgetting for one night and then forever. I can forget how I always let everyone down, how I always disappointed everyone- story of my adult life. They […]
I am one of those hero-to-zero types, and I cannot bear the disappointment and shame I’ve put on my family. I wake up every morning wondering why I am not dead. If I wake up at kike 3 in the morning, I get hit by a tsunami of sadness, because I only have 2 hours before I face the world. Face the ones I have disappointed.
God, 1 year ago, I would have laughed at myself for being so emo. I can’t laugh now.
My father is so disappointed in me; it breaks my heart.
I don’t even know what I’m doing writing this here…I haven’t told anyone, […]
I was the most picked on girl and I still am. Over the summer my mom and I got into many many fights. She had told me over and over that if I died her life would be perfect. So I started taking pills and cutting after almost one year of not cutting. She gets drunk one night and yells at me till I leave the house at ten. I walk to town almost six miles away. I sit down because all the pills kick in. Now I also must say I was drinking to that night. But after I sat down a cop pulled […]
“Rot; S.O.S. Nebula, To Lugia”
These beats are so deep like you
I am, I forget the next line
I am such dead and it so hurts
Can you be, can you know
The ultimate, the multiple
All in the arcane, so dark
I go to become, the crazy Machamp
Weezing, Muk, and Arbork
Green, can you be a Victreebel
But you are, Bulbasaur
Or are you something else
I want to be a Hitmonlee, headless
Doing my Kung-Fu to the death
Strange, shattered and the feeble
Do I bust a triple
Indeed I go to go die
For me to die from the chain
I need the power, mythical bird
In my rotting blood destroy […]
I got my hand read by my friend and the lines in your palm on the right hand tells your future. My line of life is short, and I will die healthy. I’ve thought about this a lot on how I’m going to die. I have always thought of suicide. Maybe I slit my wrists and bleed to death, it seems like the best way to go. Or overdose on my pills. Now when I think about when I will pursue it, what comes up is when my mom told me I’m what keeps her going. She told me a few years back, crying, that […]
Hello, I have severe migraines and headaches- headaches daily, migraines every several months or so and they last for usually one to two or three weeks. I’m a fire Tech student but because of my migraine I haven’t been to class since two weeks ago. It hurts constantly and on top of that I dislocated my knee in class several weeks ago trying to advance a charged hose line.
At at this point everything hurts and becoming a firefighter seems to be looking less and less like a possibility. Today I’m likely to be kicked out of one of my classes for lack of attendance and […]
“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.’”
I first read this line around 5 years ago in college and I didn’t quite understand it. I was thinking of suicide back then too, but not particularly as a good or comforting thing. Back then, I was afraid of suicide and couldn’t understand why it would be a consolation.
I think that I’m starting to understand this aphorism a lot better now. In my worst days, suicide was the only thing that I had to look forward to. In my only slightly better days, I would go […]
I left for a while because I thought my life was getting better. I had my suicide planned but didn’t go through with it. My financial situation improved and things were almost looking up. Mom’s health has been returning and some of the people living with us moved out.
But then I received a dose of soul crushing reality today that just threw me right back to the end of the line. I made a post about this before but here’s a recap : I’ve never had luck with love. My love has mostly been unrequited. I’ve been in love for the past two years […]
That’s what my life feels like. It’s that pathetic. The people I want to talk to are all there in front of me, but they’re not looking back to see me reaching out for them. I want to think that there are people behind me that would listen, but I can’t turn back to see for sure. Every once in a while the line moves enough that I get to talk to a perfect stranger, but they can’t help. So what else is there to do but go to the back of the line?
I tried on Tuesday. Failed. Will not fail this weekend. No energy right now. Waiting for SO to go out so i can go out alone and do what has to be done. My therapist gave me a crisis line, lol. Like I would call. I don’t think so. I’ve done so in the past, jsut feel silly. I’m done .
All of us here with our suicidal ideations and intentions (this post is not addressed to the wannabe saviours, bless their sweet souls) – I lurk and read, and i write and comment rather little, but I am here every day nonetheless. And the impression I’m getting is that, despite the fact that we are all weak in one way or another, some people discuss suicide from a position of strength and some from absolute vulnerability. The strong ones display vulnerability, but the vulnerable ones do not display strength. I’m not going to name names; I’m not even going to tell you which of those I imagine […]
Like cigarette smoke
My world is in a blur.
Gray and dried
Like a cancer that consumed my mind
poisoned and pissed
Anger is my love
Words so venomous
I bet it hurts
¡Danger! There’s no way out
You celebrate all the time that I waste
My bones are breaking under the weight of your success
We can be alone, together
Just know that every smile is a lie
Every Words been a line
Shedblack nights
Without a dawn
Alone behind my own made walls
Save me,Lie too me,Help me home
No more ropes
I’ve run out of power ups
No recharge
If it’s not for the barrel of a […]