Dont be weak, be strong. Don’t worry about things out of your own control. Don’t let other peoples actions effect you. Be the one in control. Why does any of it matter anyways? Just say fuck it and do what makes you happy.
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matter
I look at the shoebox I keep my various prescription pill bottles in, and I wish to gods I could be certain that I wouldn’t just wake up in a day, in three days, in a week in the local ICU and another useless stay in the mental health unit and another 90-day court settlement. Attempting suicide is a civil offense in Wisconsin, you see, so a person already upset because they survived then gets to go — via satellite television — before a judge and work out an agreement for treatment. Nice, huh?
I barely talked my psychiatrist out of having me hospitalized […]
For the past 4-5 years, i’ve smoked an eighth of cannabis a day, every day, of every week. Needless to say, anxiety is something i’ve suffered with from day 1. Going out in public is hell, I generally sweat more than I can handle due to stress, and risk passing out each time I even have to visit the Doc – whom has no idea I’ve ever touched it. I also get extremely, extremely paranoid and self-concious about almost every part of myself, and every choice I make.
The real problem is, I don’t think it ends at anxiety at all, since 1-2 years ago suicide has […]
We’re all little dust particles, none of us really matter in the end, but we can enjoy floating in the sunlight
Until the sky clamps shut and we fall to the floor in dark water
Shit, I didn’t take my pill today, what the fuck am I thinking
I always seem to end up in a melancholy state. No matter what I do I always end up there again. Things only go good for a while then bam. I got to start all over again from the beginning. It seems to happens no matter what I do.
I guess the reason I feel this way is, because I know no one really gives a fuck about anyone else. I’m guilty of this myself and the only reason I act the way I do is because everyone else is doing it, so why not me too then? Why should I be the one that gives […]
I’m at work right now, I wish I were dead instead.
When I’m with my loved ones, I wish I were dead instead.
I’m alone, I wish were dead instead.
Once I’m dead I will be wishing for something else, because no matter where I am it still feeld like hell.
Six months ago – In August 2014, I was perhaps happier than I’ve ever been and fulfilling a number of long-held dreams. I’m 45 years old and have a beautiful wife and daughter. I had been through some tough times before – nothing major – made some sacrifices and got through by focussing on the future. I was in the process of completing some big changes in my life that I had worked long and hard for.
Unexpectedly, a perfect storm of mostly random events and coincidences triggered a tidal wave of panic in me. Before I realized what was happening, I threw away a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that […]
I have no more doubts about my suicide anymore. I know that it’s necessary for me to leave this world to find peace, to end this misery. I’m filling up my time to avoid suspicion or hospitalization at the moment, so I’m just working on becoming fluent in German haha.
Oh, and an update. No matter what I do, it’s not fucking good enough and everyone still hates me. So really, nothing new. I still hate myself. Nothing good enough to live for. I’m always just going to be a failure, a shadow in the dark, good for nothing hopeless freak.
”Does it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?” – GGD
The answer to that, yes. Not because I think my life holds anymore value than the next. We are here as a vapor. We are nothing but a wave in the vast seas. So many waves have already come, and so many more will replace ours. In 1-200 years we probably won’t even be a distant memory. We won’t matter. What’s sadder is knowing I don’t matter now, in the presence. If I did, surely those around me would realize my struggle to find any form of hope in […]
My mother resents me so much. She always has. I was always the reble, the introvert, the undesirable fat one, whenever the family was dressed for an occasion, I was left home alone. So many nights I wished somebody would’ve just broken in and murdered me. Now I know for a fact my mothers life would be ideal without me. Her words tear me apart. I want to fix myself and lose weight and be confident for once in my life but she could care less. I hate living like this. I wish someone would end my miserable life, I would be erased and forgotten […]
Well its official im the biggest loser in Houston! In a matter of 3days ive lost everything I love in this world! I lost my job, my gf and my son bc I couldnt find a stable living arrangement! And not bc I couldn’t afford it but bc of my record! So after blowing money for a cpl mos on hotels my family got fed up and left me alone, broke, homeless and miserable! Im so heartbroken right now! The pain I feel inside is unbearable! Im so worthless! How pathetic must I be to not be able to house my family! This has shown […]
I love you more than my own life… you swore to me marriage and a future… you swore to always love me… and now I don’t even know if you’ll be here… you may leave… please… don’t go… the millions of chances I’ve given you, just give me one… you PROMISED to work through this with me, no matter how hard… please… don’t go…
My whole life I’ve felt that I will never live to anyone’s expectations and I haven’t. My sister is really smart and has this good life with her boyfriend, my dad wants me to follow her. I tried but I can’t, I can’t just go through school like it’s nothing I actually have to work unlike her, and I will never marry a guy because I’m gay and I kinda have a fear of men. So no matter what I know I will never be good enough, I wish I wasn’t a coward and hurry up and pull the trigger
Hi. Call me Destiny.
I know horrible things. I know devastation, pain, loss, earthquakes. I know secrets. Secrets of people that I shouldn’t even know exist. I’m sorry.
A little about me:
My name is not really Destiny. I’d prefer to stay incognito on here. I’m not ashamed of my depression. I’ve had a severe depression for four years. “THIS is the worst of it,” I’d always say, and then it would just decline. Now that it’s been almost (not quite) a year, I can honestly say that last summer was undoubtedly, 100% as bad as it had ever gotten.
I’ll give you the quick […]
Firstly, I cannot end it, no matter how much I’d like to – I have 2 kids who adore me, and it is entirely for them that I continue to breathe.
I just feel like my life from start to finish has been one endless joke, and I thought that maybe if I considered this statement more fully, I may begin to revise it. But no.
I look back on my childhood with little happiness – I was the gawky kid that everyone made fun of – I had severe acne, didn’t know how to make friends and didn’t do terribly well academically. Boys were not interested […]
Everyday I get up and I go to work or I clean my house and all the while I’m faking a smile.
It’s not much but it’s hard and it’s leaving its mark.
I pretend I don’t hurt because that’s what they deserve, but the pain never fades and my guilt only stays.
It doesn’t matter how hard I try to atone for my sins because the slate can never truly be cleaned.
There’s this pit in my stomach and my conscience is grim.
How can I be happy when you always remind me of my sins.
These transgressions pull at me and when I’m […]
27 weeks. I was gone for 27 weeks. And you were the closest thing I had to home.
Granted I didn’t know you for 10 of those, but hey training has this way of flinging the unexpected in your face. More often then not, it’s a hot steamy pile of crud… but not you. I remember walking through the hall past the other platoon females room while you unpacked your duffle. I remember thinking to myself how beautiful the lines in you shoulders were. How the cut of your jaw was strong and masculine yet soft and feminine. you were the most beautiful creature I had […]
I’m not a serious person at all. The only time I am serious is in writing. I don’t understand how everyone can live knowing all their happiness is a delusion. It’s impossible for me. Funny how everyone tries to be something, something they think important, when it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you die today or in forty years, because some day everything will parish and it will be as if the human race, and everything else, never had even existed.
I’ve lost just about everything to depression. All my friends hate me because they don’t understand…I used to play the piano and violin and draw and paint and now…I just sit around waiting for nothing. My grades have dropped a lot too. I’m surprised I’m still alive though. I wrote a suicide note, I have the pills it takes, now it’s only a matter of time.
I have never understood the concept of this, and wonder if others ever found similar situations or speeches in incidents that should have never been told such bull shit lies or comments that could easily back fire in thier faces.
Great example, over a decade to almost twenty years ago, when I was still in high school and into college, I was constantly dealing with many issues, and not just the typical bullying at school, I’d have it at home too, and this was also when I was first molested and raped, and just too much for me to handle, one thing after another. Why do […]