Just a vapor..

”Does it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are?” – GGD

The answer to that, yes. Not because I think my life holds anymore value than the next. We are here as a vapor. We are nothing but a wave in the vast seas. So many waves have already come, and so many more will replace ours. In 1-200 years we probably won’t even be a distant memory. We won’t matter. What’s sadder is knowing I don’t matter now, in the presence. If I did, surely those around me would realize my struggle to find any form of hope in this ever darkening and cold world. More importantly my struggle to fit in. They’d see my heart ache, hear my silence, and notice my battle scars. I’m at war with a world who has left me abandoned, abused, neglected and hopeless. A world with little compassion, heart or time for the broken. I will never find someone who loves me for who I am, which sadly holds more importance over me than I wish it did. In a world where things like looks, status quo, money, and material objects are valued higher than a persons character. It’s no wonder I want to surrender to the depths of my depression, and loneliness. What’s sad is those of us who feel so deeply, are the ones to suffer and die from self infliction the most. So with every suicide, this world becomes a darker place with less compassion, kindness, love, empathy, understanding and overall heart. We’re a dying breed. Maybe that explains why the worlds in the state it’s in. And no matter how much we all try and change the world, our world, our environment and our circumstances we fall short. I fall short. I am constantly reminded of my failures, weaknesses and no amount of fighting or running will keep me from escaping my reality and this endless cycle that has imprisoned me. There’s only one means to stop the madness. Kill the host.