We have ‘friends’ but we’re all alone. Look next to you. What is there? An animal? A stuffed toy? A jornal? A living being? No. Log into your ‘Facebook’ or another social media. You have friends, followers, and others. They say “We’ll catch you if you fall!” but will they? Are they real? We are all alone. Just accept it. We have friends they are not real. They only use you. If you have a true friend make them prove it. Make them prove that it’s not just you. Say your having a bad day. All of the pressure of you wanting to end your […]
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maybe
Drinking an crying drinking and crying. filling up the empty bottle with tears so i can just pour it all over my psychiatrists nice rug tomorrow and say “Thats how i feel” but he wouldn’t get it.
You know the worst and maybe greatest feeling i’ve discovered in this amazing life, is the feeling you get when you realise you gotta take control of your own death. That strong burning sensation you get on the wrist’s that trickling blood feeling behind the eyes, so much passion and euphoria. which sadly is designed to be short lived, for reasons we all know.
Sorry I’m in a mood. 70% […]
Im just tired of everything everyone hates me except 2-3 people my family hate me my mom always calls me names and my brother and sister told that next time i try to kill myself i shouldnt tell anyone so i actually die and maybe theyre right i think about it a lot and i realise everyone in my life would be better without me im just a weordo who cant even talk to people i cant even talker to my counsilors and psychiatrists maybe its my time to go and finally give them what they want besides my life has been hell so far […]
You know, it seriously takes alot time and courage for someone who’s really shy and and the loner type to actually post anything. Alot of times I just press cancle on a full page post, so feedback would be nice. Also a comment to other posts that have no replies wouldn’t hurt either.
This is my first post, so let me start off by saying, yes I am quite uh ‘suicidal’ and I have no idea what I’m doing here, or why I’m posting my personal thoughts here. I’ll post a bit about myself later because noone wants to read another 100 paragraphs of another […]
Click.
Send Message.
DELETE.
Why do you do that? Why can’t you send a simple message asking for help? You need it and you know it. Why is it so difficult to ask for help? To reach out? Why is there such shame in asking for help that could mean life or death? I’m not afraid to ask for help. Truth? I hate being a burden. It’s not easy dealing with someone who is depressed and suicidal. We all know it. By reaching out, I am taking up valuable time in someone’s day. I’m taking up resources. Man, why am I such a screw up? Can’t […]
So far my day is okay. Hope all of yours is too. Hoping it stays that way. My mood likes to fluctuate whenever it sees fit so I’m just going to listen to some mellow music and maybe daydream of something nice…like walking the beach with a future soul mate or laying in the woods listening to the birds. Also, random I know, but my backyard smells awesome because I just cut the grass yesterday and I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5P7tD15whU
I miss you. I miss us. I like to think that maybe someday, we will try again.
Don’t have a headache but took two headache pills that contained aspirin in the hopes of maybe thinning my blood some before I cut. I didn’t last night, but I’m going to do some experimenting tonight.
Doubt it’s gonna work and I’m gonna get globs of coagulated blood on my arm again.
Ah well. I’ll just take some more next time. Then more. And more. Then sit in a nice hot tub. And sleep.
You know what’s funny is my friend texted me today saying her boyfriend is having suicidal thoughts and I’m over here trying to give advice like a damn hypocrite. I told her a […]
I have a plan I believe it will change the world… maybe but anyway kik me at: YD_LaSephiroth or message me on Facebook my name is LaMarcus Favors or text me 470-400-1951 ill explain the details..
But my uncle said that if I really wanted to show I love him I had to not cut tonight so tomorrow I could tell him “good news”.
I mean, I told him to not be mad if I slip, which is proving difficult….but if it will make him happy then okay, I’ll try my best not to. We’ve been through a lot together and he’s almost like my best friend….so I guess it’s the least I could do for him.
Ugh but I can hear that blade calling….”let me kiss your skin….it won’t hurt for long at all”
maybe some music and a good movie will […]
the other night I was crying
and thinking about dying
I grabbed my knife and felt the familiar sting from my addiction to cutting.
i laid back and I felt dizzy. probably from the blood I lost.
looked down at my arms and legs and wondered who could love a girl like me.
then my beautiful little cat snuggled up against my cut up arm gently. put her paw against them and laid there until I stopped crying. like she knew what was going on. like she knew I needed any kind of comfort in that moment.
maybe if my cat can still love me there’s hope for people to.
I didn’t kill myself today, no thanks to you. I survived today and everyday before leading up to today on my own. I did that for you. I know you want me to be here, even if I don’t. But if it’s so important to you that I be here, even if I’m in pain, even if every minute is a struggle, maybe you could stop fighting for the other side? It’s hard enough to fight this on my own, by myself. Having to do it in spite of you only makes it harder. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this, […]
All kind of thoughts run through my mind. i can be anything. i can change to any side. just convince me and see where i go. i have always tried to find answers to ultimate questions – questions that are right and on whom my existence and my suffering depends. every time i watch a documentary or read a philosophical novel i get into one of these questions and seems to find myriad of solutions to it. but experience has taught me that they somehow never works. so now when i find a solution i also ask myself why the solution would not work and […]
I saw this once. Every day, write a letter to someone in or out of your life. I posted something last night about feeling empty, and how I felt like I didn’t have a soul, but maybe I can find some meaning like this? I don’t know. I have to try. Maybe it will keep me from feeling like I’ve got nothing.
After all, I keep trying to tell people that only you can define your life. Only you can fill it with meaning, because without your love and care and work, it is, essentially, meaningless. Maybe I’ll define my life by confronting the things that […]
well before people were domesticated, before “civilization” people generally did not live far past their 30’s… In fact you’re 30’s were considered you’re senior yrs….
Maybe this was nature’s way of mercy killing, rather than be drug on to live through misery and you’re body breaking down, once it got to the age where you couldn’t enjoy the things you grew up doing anymore, nature decided to perhaps have a heart and let you go.
These days I hear older people constantly lying to themselves that “things aren’t that bad” just to cope with it. For some maybe it’s not, but for many it is that bad. […]
For those who are too young to know who Sam Harris is, he won the first season of a show called Star Search back in the 80’s…..it was the prototype for America’s Got Talent. Like me (and Kristin Chenowith) Sam is from Oklahoma. I posted his rendition of Bonnie Raitt’s classic, I Can’t Make You Love Me, two nights ago. There is a reference to “giving things away” during the narration that precedes the actual song. This is a classic symptom of suicidal ideation.  I don’t think Sam picks up on this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WK_GzXYVVw
Original lyrics by Carole Bayer Sager, Bruce Roberts, Bette Midler
STEAL AWAY AGAIN
Baby (Charlie) won’t you […]
I am sick of reading about promising outlooks for treatment.  I have been suffering from MDD/ TRD for too long. I’ve been on multiple combinations of meds for too many years nothing…..at least 40 different meds. I have had 19 ECT treatments ( with a lot of memory issues).  I’m sick of people not understanding.  I’m sick of running to appts.  Therapy….behavioral therapy…..psychiatrist….  Not to mention all of the rest.  I’m sick of fighting, crying, anger.  I just want my life over!  So many positive thing out there for help when I’m reading literature. Or trials so far away some simple person couldn’t even […]
We haven’t heard from Januray…But.. I missed all these people who doesn’t know how much I love them.. Maybe they aren’t perfect to someone else,bu to me you are perfect just the way you are. I love you guys,all of you.
My status,of emotions are distroyed.Of health so much better,but I still feel empty. And if someone is willing to share their story can send me a mail on lanamajetic33@gmail.com . I will always be there for anyone of you. I can’t say it will be better,maybe it won’t be like you want. You have to stay strong. I sound like my therapist. haha. I […]
..this is 10 years of low self esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety.
This is 4 years and 4 months since I first discovered this website.
I still want to die.
___________________________
People always talk about holding on, it gets better and this isn’t your life forever, but when is the way I feel about myself or my life going to differ from the past 10 years? I’ve been shattered and broken by depression and this idea of suicide.. I’ve held, and held, and held, for what? Nothing has changed the way I feel and believe me, I have really put in maximum effort and tried to change […]
i’ve decided that this is the song i want to sleep forever to 🙂
Angel
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in […]