I just want someone to relate to with this. I can’t tell anyone because nobody understands. I don’t know why I do the things I do, ehy I push away the ppl who try to help me. I have such a title to live up to. I’m getting the help I’ve needed for six months, and maybe these pills can repair my brain and help me be who I used to be. I miss me.
maybe
i need you
but i can’t tell you that
i need you to be here
but you’re busy
but i need you to comfort me
but you’re busy with important things in your life
i need you to be here
like you promised
you promised that you would be there
but you’re not
and now i feel broken
i don’t know
maybe i deserve it
maybe im not that important
i guess im not
i don’t know your side of the story
but i need you
but you aren’t here
you broke your promise
that you’ll be there for me
where are you now?
i need to post things
but i cant
one of my friends
they check on me
i don’t know how regularly
i don’t know when
but because of that
i can’t post certain things
and its killing me
because im bottling my feelings
maybe its good
to do this
to bottle them up
how should i know
but i need to post things
but i cant
and now what
should i do?
Hi Guys,
Phew! It’s been two weeks, well 14 posts!!! So thank you for sticking with me and I hope you continue to help me through this journey of my life.
This post really isn’t going to be about my day, more of what I am feeling like right at this moment.
This moment. Right now. I’m curled up in my room, on my floor, with a comforter over my head, The Scientist by Coldplay on repeat crying my eyes out. Why am I crying my eyes out? I can’t find something. Now before you go and comment, “Oh stop being a drama queen,” or anything like that. […]
I don’t know what to say
Someone cares
Someone shows that they care
And I don’t know what to do or say
Because no one has really ever showed that they cared
Not my family, not my friends
But this one person comes into my life
And picks me up
And tries to fix me
And shows that they care
I don’t know what to say or do
I’ve been used to not being cared about
I’m used to be the worrier the carer
Not to be worried about
Not to be cared about
I don’t know why
They even go through the effort
It’s […]
Maybe it’s for the best
That we no longer talk
It’ll break us both
Into a million pieces
Well at least for me
But then maybe your life
Wouldn’t be so dramatic
Maybe if I left you
The annoying thorn in your
Side would be finally gone
Maybe it’s for the best
That I leave you in peace
I want to say hi
But do I dare?
I don’t want to be annoying
I don’t want to be clingy
I always start the conversations
Maybe you’re busy
I don’t want to annoy you
But I worry
So much
I guess maybe another time
I’ll say hi…
sorry if the title misleads but I have come to the realization that where I cut is not helping me anymore.. maybe my body has adapted and realized what im doing.. well I see this vein going along my bicep.. that’s going to be my next area of cutting! its a long vein so I can make a long cut and let just the blood flow
I suffer from low self esteem and confidence, I don’t have anyone to talk to and pretty simply find this is the only way I can cope with my emotions. I don’t have an outlet(other than here) to let go.. I […]
I don’t want to die, but I also don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to be here. I’m not suicidal, I just wish I was erased from the memories of family and friends. I wish I would forget everything that ever happened to me and maybe I could start a new life.
I am still able to laugh and enjoy things but when I’m alone I cry and hope that maybe I will be erased from existence. I sleep when I’m at my lowest because the pain becomes too much, I take comfort in the fact that once I’m sleeping there’s a chance I […]
It’s not worth it anymore. I don’t know how much longer I can take this damn depression go away or all of the stress… What am I supposed to do? I can’t take anymore… maybe it’s best to break… oh,… oh, wait I can’t anymore I’ve already reached the maximum of that. Goodbye… for a little at least.
“I’m God Mode. Nothing can hurt me. I will always win. Sure, give me a hit, let’s do it. I’m down for anything, I don’t give a FUCK. I will ALWAYS win.”
“Because I got fired, right? Oh, it didn’t work out? Shit, nothing matters. Nothing means anything anyways. What’s the point? Today I’ll be invincible.”
Do you ever feel that way? Like, let’s be reckless and careless because, hey, we know we’re going to be dead in a few days anyways so who cares? Let’s run away, spend all our money, travel the country, and when we’re dead broke after our travels, we […]
been trying to hold this in for 9 hours … but my muscles hurt from my face to my feet from trying to disguise my body language and my brain hurts… i can logically divulge that things are moving in a good direction for me, soooo this makes no sense that i feel so bad. gawd what a damn struggle!!! its so exhausting to push myself through this day so far! i cant even… there are awful things happening to other people, not me, not anyone that i personally know…… why the fuck am i going through this?!? im satisfied helping out where im […]
I’ve experimented with a lot of substances in my life. Over the course of probably like 7ish years I’ve tried Psychedelics (LSD, 2CE, DMT – my FAVORITE DRUG), Cocaine, Benzodiazepines (Klonopin, Valium, Xanax, Restoril, Ativan), Stimulants (Amphetamines, Adderall, Focalin, Methylphenidate, Vyvanse), marijuana, alcohol, and the best of the best: opiates (OxyContin, heroin, hydrocoone, oxycodone, oxymorphone, hydromorphone, morphine, methadone, suboxone, subutex, etc.) – you get the point. For the most part I’ve been responsible with drug usage. Things never got out of hand and addiction was a foreign concept to me. But when shit hit the fan a few years ago, I lost all […]
it’s not a big problem, sorry. And I would have discuss it in a chat, but hey, it’s blocked here at my work.
Why on earth do I always feel so stupid, disappointed and empty when I ask someone to see me, and they can’t ? Really ? My mind knows it’s not personnal, but I can’t help the feelings. I rarely am courageous enough to offer activities to people, and when I do, it’s always like this. Well, maybe not always, but you know what I mean…
maybe it does matter
that im broken
and sometimes very lonely
maybe it does matter
that i want to die
and sometimes i think i deserve to
maybe it does matter
that when i say im fine that its a lie
and in reality im so far from fine
maybe it does matter
that some people care about me
and others just hate me
maybe it does matter
that i should live
and not die
maybe it does matter…
but who knows?
maybe it doesn’t.
maybe it doesn’t matter that im broken
that im alone
that i want to die
that im not fine
that people care about me
that […]
im not meant to be here. ive decided that. i have no purpose here. no one out there really tries for me to live. no one is stopping me. i try my best. but it doesn’t work. maybe i wasnt meant to live. maybe i was meant to die. im not sure. but all i know is im a burden. i guess im one of those mistakes you tried to erase, but you couldnt get the job done well enough so im just a scratched out mark. i dont know guys. i know you dont have an answer i guess it doesnt really matter. but […]
This is my last post here.
I decided to take things into my own hands, to face with everything that comes. Something happened recently and it is really hard to look at myself in the mirror. I deserve everything bad that will happen to me because i did terrible things myself. I longed to become like people around me and i have succeeded. I never thought i will but what is left is shame. All my actions that took place the previous year were done by a selfish person. I managed to drove away all the people who truly care about me. I fell in love […]
I’ll try to cut the bulk and give you guys the gyst, but it is hard. I have been battling suicidal thoughts and self-harming for over a decade. I never thought when I first started this, that I would have my own place, a growing family, and still be struggling with the razor.
Anyway. I’m an only child from a one parent family. My dad is as strange to me as people I have never met before, and I am okay with that. He wandered back into my mom’s life for fun occasional sex when I was 12; that’s when my battle began. When I self-harmed […]
Hey guys. I need some advices here. I know at the end it’s totally up to me but I don’t know, maybe you could help.
I’ve been feeling very very down the last 3 weeks. I was really giving up about life. I did post something about this not long ago. Somehow, yesterday, I found the strengh to tell a friend that I needed to talk. We talked a little bit by text message and I asked if she could find time to meet in real person to talk. And she said yes. Seriously, I know Im not lucid now ’cause I’m hurt and it was […]
Suicide is NOT the answer.
ive learned that.
Plus because im a youngyin’.
even tho’ life gets bad once in a while.
you gotta pick yourself up and find another thing in life to worry about.
maybe something more important than  the thing your worrying about.
dont sweat it,
I promise,
life gets better.
MUCH better.
i love you no matter what.
never forget that.