When i made this cut i was scared. I had just traded an ounce of weed for a brand new box cutter, a kid bought me from home depot. Stupid i know i could have got it myself but with your dad watching you every moment of the day it was kinda hard. I said it was for protection.. protection from my thoughts.. but he gave it to me. No other questions ask even knowing my history.
I went home a couple days past and then me and my parents got in a huge fight. With out even relising it i was slicing at my wrist. But then i cut to deep. I drop the box cutter adreniline racing throught me. I tried to breath but it was the first time i had ever gone this deep. My blood came out at a steady flow i put pressure. I wasnt aiming to die at this point.Â For once when i was cuttingÂ I felt OUT OF CONTROL!
I put pressure 5 mintues past i pulled the towel off to check my wrist i was still bleeding and the towl was soaked i layed down. Head pounding and my body cold i wraped a rubber band around my wrist with the towl on. I had no strength left in my hands to hold in on myself. I lay on the ground shaking, hoping my parents would wake up and find me. But they never did.. I woke up 3 in the morning laying in my blood. The rubber bands have done the trick after a while. I probally past out or fell asleep i dont know what happened first.
I cleaned my self by taking a shower then cleaned the floor, bandaging my arm. I went 3 weeks before i told my parents. This was cause it wasnt closing most of my cuts healed in 1-2 weeks. This one didnt heal for 5. After the doctors did a rock scrub to get all the dirt out of my cut they glued it shut.
When we got home my dad wanted to know what i had used to cut. I gave him a randomn pair of scissors.. and he DIDN’T question it.. HOW THE FUCK COULD I DO THAT WITH SCISSORS!
now 10 months later its a bright red scar. I keep my arms crossed to hide my hidous scars. I hate them.. and yet i still cut.
In my list of tools now i have
5 razors ( had 6 but my dad found one)
1 pair of scissors
1 box cutter
2 lighters ( ive never burned my self but i keep it incase cutting just doesnt work one night)
6 peices of glass ( from a glass i broke )
I also am always at the store buying a box of bandaids here. Gauze and other various things. Not to mention hand towels. Since i use them to help stop the bleeding. I cant wash them cause my parents would wonder so i just throw them away, and buy new ones. This is one of the storys i remember really well.. and i just thought i should share it.
Quite the arsenal. I have nothing sadly. Used to have a box cutter till my mom found me bleeding. Hm. Burning…I didn’t burn myself with fire I used the lighter and kept it on then I pressed the hot metal on my skin and it left a scar and it burned a lot. Hey talk to us. Pwease? Pretty pwease ya pretty little lass? ;c
I remember my first deep cut too, scared the daylights out of me! You probably passed out from shock, I did, haha. & don’t you worry, the scar will fade to white and barely be noticeable, I have over 200+ scars, so I know what I’m talking about!
Also, moisturising the scar will help it fade, just in case you were wondering.
It’s sad to know you have so many tools. 🙁 I hope you get the strength to get rid of them all!
Oh I left a reply on the picture of your cuts I didnt see this post before sorry….so um respond to both if ud like.
I have lots of scars now and tons of photos of them.. i take them to calm me.. looking at them can help me clear my head with out cutting… if you know what i mean.. its hard for others to understand.
And okay @ attheend
I know what you mean about looking at the pictures helping you. To me it’s like cutting, without the cutting. It’s doesn’t really make any sense, haha.
Thanks maffasur .
I wish i could cut more like that. The deeper it is the less cuts i have to do. The less scars. But because those are usally the ones where ive blacked out and started cutting their harder to make. The only think i know that gets them is pressure and a quick pull. But when i cut i like control and one day im scared i’m gonna really fuck up. Cutting TO deep. If you know what i mean. Im suicidal but i wanna die on my own terms.
Hurm. I feel like maybe I’m bothering. If you don’t want to talk to me just say so Brooklyn. Anyway I’m sorry you hurt so much.
Yeah, many a time I’ve cut and had to be stitched up and I’ve thought: “No, this isn’t in the game plan! I’m not going yet!”
Unfortunately for us, it will never be deep enough in our eyes. 🙁 For that reason, I want you to try and stay safe!
AtTheEnd thats not it im not saying i dont wanna talk to you what game you that idea?
Maffasuar yeah :/ its like mehhhh i wish u could cut deep and not have to worry about the amont of blood u lost UNLESS u were actually trying to die that case
I dunno I feel like I bother you….I comment too much and stuff…
Brooklyn, I’ve read all your posts and i just want you to know that you are VERY pretty. I wouldn’t just say that either, you are gorgeous. Plus it seems like you’re making fast friends on here. That’s good, that means you have a lot of people here to support you. Hang on, sweetie, we’re all here for you
AtTheEnd actually no i really appricate it 🙂
Call me crazy thanks for readying all my post .. honestly dont see how you did it.. their not very intresting
I don’t think they’re boring at all. You’re a very sweet girl, don’t let people get you down. And when you are down, come and talk to your friends on here 🙂 we’d all be willing to listen