Imagine this if you will. You’re transgender. You grew up in a poor, abusive household where you lived in constant terror and stress. Your parent-captors told you if you didn’t tell CPS they would pay for you to go to school, but they meant the terrible community college in the neighborhood. You are disabled mentally and physically. You have chronic pain from fibromyalgia and a back injury, and migraines constantly. You’re completely broke because no one wants to hire a young transsexual much less one that’s disabled and doesn’t even have a degree yet because you were homeschooled by incompetent idiots and completely fail at […]
Tag:
Motive
I don’t quite understand why it feels so much easier to write about my problems then to say them out loud I suppose it’s like my thoughts are my own little secret I mean that’s what your mind is for right? A space where you can detach yourself from reality if only for a few moments and go somewhere.. be it a memory or completely make up.. But no amount of day dreaming will save me from myself, Let me start off by saying I am now 19 years old to be 20 in August and have suffered from clinical depression for 4 years, I […]
The weather is beautiful, either hemisphere. I don’t understand, but there are many things I do not understand.
I’ve been in 4 armed robberies, and I won every time. Why? It would have been so much easier if I could have lost.
My best friend and I were both going for a big bucks cab ride, and I won, I got the $200 ride. The consolation prize was a fellow with a 9mm in his pocket who simply wanted to become a member of the Aryan Brotherhood, and needed to commit a crime to get into prison so he could join. A little 16 year old kid, […]
I think about it every night before falling asleep. You know, that time when you are supposed to be winding down, lying in your bed in the darkness with nothing but your over active brain that won’t shut up to keep you company. Sifting through memories that you long to experience over again. Feelings you’ve felt, decisions you wish you could alter.
I’m going to end it.
I was spoiled growing up. I have an older brother and a younger sister, so that makes me the middle child and the second boy. I was created for the sole purpose to give my brother someone to play with […]
In 8th grade, I was 13, I was 5’5″, and I was 125lbs. I was teased for eating too much and being overweight, when in reality I knew I wasn’t. I knew at the beginning anyway. I’d been bullied my entire life, and I could shake this off easily.
For a while.
My eyes were convinced first. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a fat girl. An ugly girl. When I looked down at my stomach, I always sucked it in for about an hour afterwords.
My mind followed suit. I thought I was fat. I looked at every meal I ate and started trying to leave some every […]
I have been suffering from depression for most of my life. I am also anorexic and bulimic. I’ve been dealing with the consequences of my illnesses, including stomach ulcers, amenorrhea, and anemia. My body is shutting down, but I don’t care. In fact, this is kind of what I wanted. Slowly, but surely, I’m going to die. My disorders reassure this motive. Today is also my birthday. Guess my wishes are coming true.
We always believe it we have it so bad. If we didn’t, none of us would be here writing our stories that are filled with anger and pain. I suppose I am bitter. Bitter with everyone I trusted that I know can not stand but have no escape from.
I would like to believe I am a good person who is a useful community member. As it stands I find this very hard to believe. And like everyone else …. I don’t know why. I can not understand my thought process let alone why everything is upside down and twisted around in my life.
At 11 years […]