My feet are clammy from the marathons I am forced to run in my mind. Was that you that came to me in the hopeless dark of the night? Or are these blessed visions an after image of a cursed mind? My soul is an enigma. It baffles the masses and their fear overruns their ignorance. Alas, even I am perplexed by what I have become. A solitary phantom drifting down a rocky precipice but it cannot reach the dark waters. I wish I could ascend on starry wings though this is just a fantasy, once cherished. So what will be the method of my […]
I’ve been basically alone for 2 years straight, my family is “against” me for a couple of reasons. But anyway, i feel like i have no purpose to go on, really, i’m depressed, i don’t have REAL friends, i was bullied last year in school, and my family thought it was just a “phase”, i’m constantly critiziced for my looks and ideals, i’ve had so many people going in and out of my life, so many liers.
I have nothing to do with my life, i’m not interested in studying a career, i don’t have a hobby even tho i’ve tried many things.
I consider […]
In 2010, after over a decade of severe depression and several years of suicidal feelings, I made the decision to finally end things. To this day, it is the only time I have ever made concrete plans to take my life.
I kept a journal documenting my decision and feelings before and leading up to my planned suicide. Below are excerpts from two of those journal entries (the second being parts of a private message sent to someone from my past I had reconnected with. It was written as my end date was approaching).
Perhaps there are some people who will find comfort in reading these things […]
People have killed themselves over more and over less. If truth be told, this is not the first, second, or third attempt. It is not even the first attempt this month.
I just want to say that I’m overall pretty disappointed in mankind. We’re selfish, rude, vindictive, spiteful, and no matter how much “word of god” is preached, the more religious are usually the most corrupt.
I ended my life with trust in one person. He told me that if I killed myself, I would go to hell. I think he just told me that to scare me. I hope that he just told me that to […]
So I have done everything I can to try and turn my life around and it just seems all I do is make it worse. I am now homeless, and jobless. My own family is basically not wanting to help me anymore – and I barely have any friends.
I will die by the end of the year and I am researching how to do it – I hate this world. People keep saying God has a plan for you – Well my name isn’t Job okay – I just feel I must have done something really horrible in my life to have my life be […]
All my life has contained of happy children and families.When I see them I can’t help but feel jealous.They seem so happy while my family acts like I wasn’t born.I wish my life could go back to normal like when I was little,we would spend every waking hour together but now we are lucky to spend 5 seconds together.After my grandfather died on January 31 2013, I have felt so alone and lost.I have tried so many times to be someone im not because I have no one to look up to and no one to help guide the way.I changed my hair […]
So after a long time of being up and down mood wise, it’s really hitting me how lonely and depressed i am. Friends do exist, a couple of them, but i’m not close to anyone now. Sometimes i just want people who are feeling like this to talk to, people on here get it, and from other posts seem really nice and supportive. I have been looking to take my life, but it’s what i would be doing to the small family, mum and grandmother, it would tear them apart, and if i went no one who could take care of my dog, my dog […]
Honestly i just feel like theres no cure to being me. Despite all my good points i feel like my personality is hollow and empty. Because it was pain and trauma that developed, that shaped who i am completely, to the point its all there is inside me. I was molested as a child, abused and harassed for being anorexic or self harming, dealt with poverty and a severely mentally ill mother often by myself when my father was basically out of the picture, grew up isolated (no school, no friends), i’ve been homeless and just so much shit (some i dont want to get […]
I deleted my old post because well it was just another cry for help answered by the very reason I despise my life.
Honestly, would any of you converse with other humans if you were in my situation? Everywhere you go there’s people on phones or in person (wherever I go) having fake conversations just to get a reaction or to harass me. Fake conversations. Such as the ones going on in my last post that I deleted. It drains the life of me. It’s so ridiculous. The relationship between me and my family is truly lost forever. I’ve never been closer to telling them all […]
Hi everyone! Soo for starters, I’m not really sad or depressed, tho i’ve struggled with that a lot in the past. I’m not mentally ill or delusional, at least i don’t think lol? I’m 19, considered really pretty, i have friends, plenty if guys to date, and a wonderful amazing family i love to bits.
But I really want to die. My reasons are complicated and really personal and paaartially to with unchangeable stuff in my life but basically i’m just…done. I don’t think there’s much more i can gain from living this life anymore and i figure whatever comes next even if its complete oblivion […]
Decided i’m going to go all out on a final attempt tonight, “double the dose and half the space”.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone on this forum, I didnt create this account until very recently but I have been reading your posts for a very long time. They have given me strength and kept me going throughout the worst moments of my life to date.
I wish all of you well in the future, I hope that the pain dissipates for anyone that is sufferring, and to all of you who provide selfless support to others, I salute you.
Thanks again.
Idk what to say…I guess I’ll talk about what made me the way I am. I’ve been suicidal and a cutter since I being the youngest of ten kids I could never speak up about how I felt. Who’d listen? I was being molested by my big brother…the family secret. When I was ten I finally tried telling my mom what was happening, she promised to make it stop…it didn’t. Every night I’d be in bed and wake up and feel my brother’s hand going up my nightgown. I would kick him to make him go away….I didn’t dare scream for fear my parents would […]
Do you remember when your breaking point was. When you finally couldn’t take all the darkness that you felt around you. The moment you let yourself down.. The moment when you didn’t give a shit if you died or lived. I remember it and I have the evidence for the rest of my existing life. I only cut myself on the left side of my wrist. Why ruin your other wrist. Just put the pain all in one spot at a time. Just look at your artwork of scars. I remember when the breaking point was. I promised my self I would never harm myself, […]
I was happy with everything in my life until 6th grade, when I found out I was gay. I haven’t told anyone I am yet, but how can I? My mom, one of the people I trust the most said on election day “I’m not voting to allow gay marriage, it’s just wrong and unholy.”. Until then I thought I could tell her anything and she would still love me. Now I have suicidal thoughts, cut myself and cry almost daily and still nobody has a clue that they are torturing me. I’m 15 now and I still don’t know what to do. I’ve always tried to […]
I’m looking for a short term coping mechanism that allows me to remain functional and that won’t lead to a downward spiral that damages my family – something I can keep hidden, and that won’t ruin my health and make things harder long term.
I don’t fancy cutting – I don’t like scars, or the sight of my own blood.
I’ve never found alcohol particularly effective, and the lives of alcoholics seem to unravel frequently.
Likewise, other recreational drugs seem to lead to a downward spiral. I don’t wan’t to end up on the street, or forcing my family to intervene, or getting a criminal record.
I haven’t really […]
So I came across this site randomly whilst looking for ways to overcome anxiety and how to stop being a failure.
I had an amazing job, I screwed it up with my depression. I lost a baby back in 2011, a baby that was wanted so much. I had suffered with depression years before that but the minute I found out i was going to be a mum it was like my life was perfect and all the grey clouds had lifted. But there was a problem with the pregnancy and I had to terminate on medical grounds at 20 weeks. She wouldn’t survive, her lungs […]
I have often wondered why I wanted to just end it. And I usually end up with the fact that I am lost and my life has no direction. But now, I realized, there’s something more than that.
I realized that I am the complete opposite of myself before (when I was driven, confident, ambitious). Now I am very insecure, confused and just flat-out tired and unmotivated. What makes me want to end it is I could have AVOIDED IT. I USED to be on the other side, the side of optimism, of hope in the future. When I started college, I was among intelligent people, […]
I feel so low, I have to be around others to earn enough to keep going, I try to hide away so they won’t notice me and won’t talk about me behind my back, even if they do, I don’t want to hear it. I know I have a problem which causes them to do so, if it wasn’t for that I might just be okay. How do normal people cope with it all, laughing and joking and having a good time; hey, I joke, but inside I feel like crap all the time. Life once promised me so much, now I struggle to see […]
Just one question for you all… Why is it that in sometimes I feel like I’m back in that exact moment when my life really changed? Why is it that I can hear and see everything like it’s right there infront of me? Why is it I can even see it in color vivid as can be? Why can I even smell that familiar sent?…. Whys it all seem so real? Real to the point where lately I’m questioning myself if it is or not.. Sigh
Am I the only one that doesn’t want to have to depend on medication to be the rest of my life? Because I went to the doctors the other day and he said that I’m going to have to be on medication all my life. And if I don’t take my low doses now then my suicidal thoughts will just get worse… I don’t want to have to depend on medication all my life… 🙁