Unlike the majority of people think, suicide is not for the cowards.We know it requires strengh and bravery.I’m so weak and exhausted, I couldn’t even pull a trigger or take some poison X_X.I spent the last week oon the bed, I can barely stand to brush my teeth.I dunno, I think the worst part of it all is that since the last year I’ve been thinking : “Today I’ll commit suicide!”.I got everything I need, but I STILL don’t have enough courage.My life sucks and I’m still here, there’s something wrong with me, I think I’d better avoid this suffering.And everybody here is so sick […]
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my life
Im writing here because I really don’t know where else to turn. There’s people around me that I want to reach out to, but the thought of doing that seems worse than dying…when I was a kid I was around a lot of things that disturbed and distraught me, so in order to cope I turned something off inside of me so I wouldn’t care and these things wouldn’t bother me anymore. And they beer did again, but it came at a great price. I’ve lost passion or interest for anything, and I’ve lost the ability to trust and communicate with others on a genuine […]
I always knew how things were going to turn out. I didn’t quite know when but I knew how. I knew that if something didn’t happen that caused my death, It would happen by my hands. I honestly do not have the courage to do it and I admire the people who do. I just thought that if things got bad enough, I would find the courage. Though I have not yet found it, I feel that I am close.
I am convinced that I am loosing it. In the past couple of years, I have just become such an angry human being that I have […]
..this is 10 years of low self esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts and anxiety.
This is 4 years and 4 months since I first discovered this website.
I still want to die.
___________________________
People always talk about holding on, it gets better and this isn’t your life forever, but when is the way I feel about myself or my life going to differ from the past 10 years? I’ve been shattered and broken by depression and this idea of suicide.. I’ve held, and held, and held, for what? Nothing has changed the way I feel and believe me, I have really put in maximum effort and tried to change […]
But I wish my life would be done already. It’s something I just want to get over with. Â Like getting a root canal or something.
I love both my kids very much. Â They mean more to me than anything.
I have 2 kids one age 22, & one 15. Â The 22 year old is miserable all the time & blames me for everything bad in his life. Â He’s suffered from mental illness for many years, & I’ve done my best to get him help. He is extremely mean to me & his sister, but I still try to be patient with him. Â I only want him to […]
In spite of the upward trend in my life over the last couple of months, tonight I am just feeling so alone and deeply sad….both indications of a depressive episode. All indications are that my life will continue to trend upward. But Sam Harris’ rendition of the Bonnie Raitt classic I Can’t Make You Love Me is just speaking for me. I love the phrasing, his obvious pain and the fact that he didn’t over sing it….none of those ridiculous runs that prevent you from hearing the raw ache of the melody. I was able to sing like this until heart failure and other complications robbed me of my […]
I always thought of changing my life style and everything, before beginning of something big like college, job. I tired my best to fit in to there college lifestyle, I did make a lot of friends i was happy but after few weeks something happened i don’t know what all of a sudden everyone started to think of my as clown, Started picking on me but i didn’t say a word against them and that made things even worse, which made me talk of the town literally as i live in a town. you see the same faces everyday. which gave people the opportunity to talk shit behind my back. I can fell […]
I’ve attempted suicide before. One time I got really close. Each time I was young and didn’t know enough. The first time, I was twelve. I didn’t know you had to go up the road. The second, a couple years later, I wasn’t able to find the courage at the bottom of that deep bottle. The last time, I came really close. Put myself in a two day coma. I was 18 and still lived at home with my family and siblings. I even had a girlfriend. No one knew.
That was the last time. I got counseling, per my girlfriends request, after coming out to […]
Humans aren’t born with an innate sense of fear, we’re taught to fear things in life. I fear knives and falling; and for that very reason opted to not take my life that way. But bleeding to death and falling from a significant height is not only fatal, but you pass out relatively quickly or die instantaneously. They’re methods that I’ve been avoiding because of my stupid fear of driving the knife through my abdomen or free falling to the ground. Fuck the plastic bag and struggling! Fuck the tight closet that is completely useless! I’m going to stab myself and whether I become […]
The last memories
He made the excuses
It was his choice; he sent the second message only cause he was going through the same as I was in a way. I just thought he never listened what I had told him. The third message he was right to think of me as a bad guy and after the second message, he stopped caring. The forth message, I confessed, I told him the truth, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I told him a lie as well just because i was desperate for the truth from him. He never told me anything, I just wanted him to […]
Why do people push love away before they can give love a chance?
Fear, Frustration, Anger and Heart Break changes that.
Have you ever been so excited and so alive with one person yet for no apparent reason they leave and everything changes? One day you guys are doing so much and are so happy that you can’t leave that person behind, because you think that there isn’t anyone as loving like them or enjoy each other’s company? You’ve done almost everything together and feels like nobody can ever replace them? Then one day, you both wake up. They leave you behind for other people. They lie; make excuses. […]
I’ve been cursed all my life. I feel like I’m the worst person alive on earth! I suck at everything. I used to be an intelligent student who attains A’s and B’s at school. But now, I’ve been getting D’s and F’s because of my personal problems. I also used to design houses, sing, dance, wirte fictional stories, play chess, swim and go outside but now, I feel like I’m not capable of those things anymore. Depression has been getting over me. I feel like I’m the dumbest person. I’ve never been involved in any of the clubs and school activities because of the feeling I […]
I am a 27 year old failure in life I have no reason to be on this earth I have never felt so alone then I do today I have been thinking about taking my life for some time now and the feeling has been increasing for the past several months with today being the strongest feeling of wanting to just end it all I feel as if I have no purpose and the people around me see me as being ungrateful and useless I have to fully agree with the later of the two I have a son who doesn’t view me as his […]
i hate my life, it sucks, everything goes wrong but i guess im skipping a bit too far ahead so here from the start; when i was a little girl my mom and dad split up, he cheated we never spoke they never spoke, growing up he wasent there they never bothered then when i was about 7 he appeared again started wanting to see us we did an had frequent contact this was amazing, i never got along with his wife, i hated her and she had a strong opinion on me, this made it hard to see my dad again , again we […]
I’ve thought about it many times, especially those sleepless nights, the drum beating inside the dark recess of my mind.
After the first attempt of 12 pills, then 24 pills, I decided to wake up and attend college both times I woke up from those failures.
I’ve been reading up a lot about Buddhism and about reincarnation or rebirth, and I was wondering and contemplated.
With everything that I’ve been through, and for me to cut my life short thinking that hell would probably be a better place to be in I realized, if I cop out now I’ll probably have to go through this entire experience again, […]
Do you ever wake up feeling like today is going to be another bad day? Thinking that nothing will change, that it will just be this daily routine of negative thoughts and feelings in Your head? Well maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But me…well this is only just the frosting to the cake.
all My life I’ve felt like i don’t belong anywhere i go. Whether it is family, school friends, outside of school friends, sporting teams, swimming squad, whatever. Ive always felt this sense of isolation and separation from the others. At first, when I was 5, it didn’t matter to me, I just […]
This is the Easter Season (50 days of Easter….it doesn’t begin and end on Easter Sunday).
I’ve been a Christian all of my life. And I am here to tell you that NO act of suicide is cowardice….it takes a strong person to overcome the natural instinct for self preservation and move on to the next life.
I’m 59 years old and I do NOT, for ONE SECOND, buy into the fundamentalist concept of hell. I was raised Southern Baptist and by the grace of God found the Episcopal Church in my early 40’s…after decades of self hate inflicted on me by the SBC. I didn’t develop suicidal ideation […]
I’ve decided to create an account today, because it is my final attempt to have my voice heard. Efforts will be made to console and reassure me that the world of hell that I’ve been imprisoned in for twenty-two years is worth living; I’m beyond approach. I’m a girl who was born into a highly dysfunctional family, to a mother who showed nothing more than apathy towards me, to a fatherless home. That’s not why I’m here. My upbringing didn’t bring me to the place that I’m at right now.
My mother died when I was in twelfth grade and the depression and underlying psychological […]
So why does it feel like I am? Outwardly I try so damn hard every single day to make them smile, to make you smile. My only thoughts are of yours, my sweet Maria. When I turn inward, numbness is all. None of this is your fault.
I have been distant all my life. Not ugly, or fat, or picked on in any way. I separated myself from others as a matter of course. We had no connection, whatever they felt around me was lost on me. Social cues, meaningless, friendships, tossed aside. I care about nothing. I’m watching my fingers type and know that this […]
I’ve been struggling for so long now. The depression started at age 13 and never ceases. At age 17 I attempted suicide and after nearly needing a liver transplant, I survived. I committed to give it several more years to see if it gets better. It doesn’t.
My life is easier than 99% of the world. I wish I could take my life and let a North Korean have my opportunity. I’m fairly good looking, smart, and athletic; but I never cease wishing I were dead. I know I was happy as a kid, but I can’t really remember it. It’s been so long. Many people […]