fear.

Humans aren’t born with an innate sense of fear, we’re taught to fear things in life. I fear knives and falling; and for that very reason opted to not take my life that way. But bleeding to death and falling from a significant height is not only fatal, but you pass out relatively quickly or die instantaneously. They’re methods that I’ve been avoiding because of my stupid fear of driving the knife through my abdomen or free falling to the ground. Fuck the plastic bag and struggling! Fuck the tight closet that is completely useless! I’m going to stab myself and whether I become unconscious quickly or remain in pain before then, I’ll endure.
P.S I’ve had two abortions and though both were painful, the second one was beyond excruciating! I actually can no longer get pregnant because of the abortion I had last year. Wish me luck with working up the nerve to actually stab and remove the knife because from there, I can take it.