I know that most of you won’t read this or care or anything but, I am depressed. I feel so worthless, stupid and I feel like a disappointment of a human being. I’ve seen amazing people on the news and at school that  do incredible things for everyone and then I’m just there, wasting space and not doing anything.  When I first started to feel this way, I was only 11  and I thought that God hated me and that he was putting me through hell for a test but, that isn’t fair. Its been a year now and I still feel the same crap. The sad part is that if I were […]
Tag:
my life
I’ve been really thinking about everything that’s happened to be and what might happen to me lately I kinda just want to get everything that’s happened to me out there. I’ve never actually told anyone my whole life story before. I don’t expect this to get me any comments or any views for that matter, I just want to get if off my chest. It kinda explains why I am who I am. Well, I guess I’ll start from the beginning:
When I was 2 months old my mom found out my dad was on some serious drugs. He actually dealt drugs. Every kind you could think of, he had. As soon as […]
I unambivalently want to die. I’m 32. I’m getting married in five days. I have been diagnosed with a mood disorder as well as a personality disorder. I have sacrificed so many things on the altar of mental illness: serious relationships, a career, contact with family, financial stability, dignity. Few people know how horrible I feel most of the time. I work in the mental health field & should take better care of myself. I don’t take any meds or do many of the things that I could do to help myself feel better. Sometimes I think that I’ve become so inured to the pain associated […]
All I wanted was to be normal, to have a happy and peaceful life, to love and be loved. That’s all I ask for. Apparently that’s just too much.
After 31 years, my life hasn’t gotten any better–in fact, it’s gotten multitudes worse. I’m even more messed up, completely broken on the inside and unable to cope with life.
Is life a cruel joke? It probably is.
Is life unfair? Oh it most certainly is. And I definitely got the short end of the stick.
Will I ever feel fine? Will I ever be able be at ease and enjoy life?  At this moment, I feel hopeless, in despair. […]
I am not looking for sympathy nor am I looking for it but there was a quote I wrote and this story explains it… I just want people to understand where the quote came from…
Quote:
“My head is banging, my brain complaining, my body hurting, my thoughts are roaring. Pain is all there is. My life is tumbling my emotions are mumbling… God please help me. I don’t know what to do… my fears are living, taking over me. My mouth is tumbling as I try to say goodbye… but, my body can’t take the pressure as the words goodbye slipped from my mouth. You […]
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