When I take that blade to my wrist
no one in the world exists.
And when when I think about it, cause I do
I truly do not think of you.
So why be sad or disappointed
when your not the one that I anointed.
So why care ? Cause you do
but why care? Â I wouldn’t if I were you.
I’m positive that feeling alone is universal, but that seems to be the force behind my depression. Like being together with people yet being isolated. As if I purposely hold myself back from being alive or living metaphorically of course. To me life is punishment. ironically I am a hypocritical hypocrite. I say I hate stuff and then I do that stuff and hate myself for hating to do it will hating myself for thing my self. Did any of that make sense? Self loathing comes and goes a lot, but I sit here thinking of obscure ways to end it all….and I stare at my […]
im CheshireCatMadness and yeah im not gonna be bothered listening to all that it will get better stuff because it wont. Anyway when i was eleven i tried to take an overdose of sytraline anti depressants but i was a coward and my mum caught on and i was rushed to hospital. im not gonna mess up this time… if i take an overdose on sleeping pills i’ll be asleep and i wont feel death. its important that its quick so i dont have regrets and painless and easy to get hold of. i dont wanna wake up and im hoping i wont feel any […]
So the only reason that I didn’t cut is because of 3 things. My guy friend who I really like, my mom and because I lost the blades that I cut with. Each day I would go rummaging through my room to find the box that I keep my blades in, because I needed my fix of seeing that blood flow down my wrist, and because I needed to feel the pain. If you’re a cutter, you know what I’m talking about. I finally found them on Thursday last week and I was so happy. 3 weeks of not cutting was kinda hard.
Really sucks when you tell your family that you are suicidal and the first words out of their mouth is “you’ll burn in hell”. WTF!!! That’s the furthest thing from my mind when i’m holding the razor blade to my wrist. She did not even ask me why I want to do it and still hasn’t. That was over a week ago and I saw her today and told her again my suicidal urges are growing stronger. Even told her about my dreams I have been having where I go to my own funeral after I commit suicide. Still nothing. I am not telling my […]
Just called a suicide hotline.. they guy i talked to .. he just kept saying uh well you need to look at it from a better point of view.
I lost my 2nd oldest brother cause my oldest brother raped me! and you exspect me to look on the bright side. I look at his facebook everyday, hoping to get to know him. I DONT EVEN KNOW MY OWN BROTHER. And i hate it.. i hate it so badly. I only found out last week he’s graduated highschool.. i never knew.. i didnt know..
I miss him so badly, we would stay up reading the hungry catapillar, […]
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